As the alarm clock blares its music at four o’clock in the morning, I hit snooze and wonder how much longer I can sleep before I’m late for work. I have to be there by 5:30, so it doesn’t give me much time to continuously hit snooze. But I do – over & over again. The alarm blares again, I stare at the time: 4:30; crud! That’s all I think. I need to get up, I’m sure there is SOMETHING I have to do before leaving for work. Shower – maybe?
I fling the blanket off of me but I don’t move. My legs are glued to the bed with memories of sleep dancing around my head. I wiggle my toes trying to get the determination I need to get up.
I sit up and stare at the wall. My bedroom is still dark, && dark means sleep – so why am I not still sleeping? My feet hit the carpet and they begin moving around the bedroom and into the bathroom – I leave the light off, it’s still too early for lights. (At this point, I still haven’t put on my glasses, because glasses means it’s time to get the day rolling, &&& I’m not at that point yet.)
To move around my bedroom I have to pass my bed multiple times && each time it gets a little harder to not get back in it, cover up, and pretend the world doesn’t exist. But I tell myself – Barbara, you only work three days a week, that’s it! Three! You can do this.
Yes, that’s right. I work three days a week, Saturday through Monday – So I’m off Tuesday through Friday. Sounds great, right? It is! I love these days, I have been doing it since 2011, so I must like the job. I do like my job – would I rather be a full time writer that sits at home every day writing the next novel that people carry with them in their hearts/souls and tells everyone they must read it?
Well, duh!
But I have to be logical about this whole thing. If it’s something I want, then I have to work for it, and until I actually finish Frost, that’ll never happen. So it’s this job. I began working this job in 2011, but I worked nights. 5:30 PM – 6:00 AM. I’ve always worked nights. Never had a reason to not work nights. I was single, lived alone – it didn’t bother people if I came in at weird hours. But now – eight-ish years later, I’m not single and I don’t live alone. Nights still wasn’t a problem. But I recently changed my hours, this year – August. Now I work 5:30 AM – 7:30 PM. Why would I do that?
I’m pleading insanity. People do it all the time. Go to sleep around ten o’clock at night and wake up at four in the morning. People have been doing it for a long time. So why do I have such a hard time with it?
The boyfriend && I both work in the same department here. So we cannot work the same shift (I wouldn’t even if I could, wouldn’t be able to do it. I’m too much of a worry wart.) He was given the chance to go full-time, which means overlapping into my shift. Then an opportunity to go full-time led me to another shift.
Its 8:28 in the morning as I type this && I feel like I need a three hour nap. Maybe 12 hours.
But as I finish up getting dressed, packing my lunch, walking to the car and making my way to work – I’m already exhausted. So I drew up a sticky note to put on the computer screen I sit at to help myself make it through the day.
I find myself staring at it at times, hoping it’ll give me that boost. It hasn’t worked yet, but I’m leaving it there as long as I can. (All of the shifts share computers.)
♥The Barbosphere♥ 