Journey Restarted.

Today was my second-first consultation with the weight loss surgeon. I didn’t think he would remember me, but when he walked in he smiled && said “welcome back”. Then of course asked “so, what happened?” I told him the truth – money issues.

It was the same as the first time we spoke last year. I’m going to get the duodenal switch. Basically they will take half of my stomach out && hook my intestines up a little different. (If I can get my computer to load it, I’ll put a picture in that shows it).

I’m excited && petrified at the same time. It’s a weird feeling. (I hope the picture is clear for y’all, it’s a little blurry on my screen).

I have already set up all three of my dietician appointments (have to have three, once a month) for the insurance && doctors approval. The only thing different on the page of “what I must accomplish before surgery” was that he wants a list of diets && exercises I have done in the past. I figured I have a week to get that done – my first dietician appointment is next Tuesday (February 13th).

I’m excited because I may actually fix a couple of my health issues. I won’t say it all because I don’t know that it will. Everyone I talk to that has had the surgery is no longer diabetic && doesn’t have high blood pressure anymore. That’s two issues. The kidney issues will be helped by not having those anymore – but where my kidney’s stand right now is where they’ll be until they just get worse. The heart issues SHOULD – && I say should – get a little better. But I don’t know if I’ll be off my medication for that – or the kidneys.

I’m petrified of being put under. I am scared every time I’ve ever been put under. I was put under when they took out my gallbladder && I was put under for a colonoscopy. The colonoscopy – other than kind of waking up in the middle of the procedure – it was fine. When I had my gallbladder taken out && they woke me up, I nearly punched a nurse. I remember four nurses holding me down. I’m scared that I won’t wake up from it. I know it’s rare for that to happen, but the bigger you are, the more chance of it you have. Especially when you have issues sleeping, high blood pressure, etc.

Then of course, I think I’ve mentioned that I have unrealistic worries.
I worry that I will have a big head.
I worry that it won’t fix my health issues.
I worry that the surgery won’t work.
I worry that I will lose too much weight.
I worry Boyfriend is going to leave. Which, by the way, I didn’t have this worry until a guy I used to work with told me “you know Barb, he started dating you overweight, what’s going to happen if you lose the weight? He may leave.” Ugh! Stupid Mario!
I worry my personality will change.
I worry I will no longer be funny.
See? Dumb worries.

But! I’m excited at the idea that I can buy clothes in stores.
Have a lap my cats can sit in.
Maybe run a marathon?
Have a jawline for the first time in my life.

Remind me to write a blog telling you guys about how long I have been overweight && the fact that I have never been thin. Because that’s going to be a shock!

OH! I also worry that I am going to be uglier than I am now. Most people that have had the surgery – they are breathtaking. Then there is like a 23% of people that… I look at the before picture, when they are overweight, and then look at the skinny version of them && I think hmm… you were better looking fat. I don’t want that. I mean it’s fine if I am not drop dead gorgeous, I don’t know if I’d know what to do. But I don’t want to be uglier than I am right now. You know?

To-do List.

Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.

That’s easy: dishes && laundry.

I know it said one thing but I’m pretty sure my dishes and laundry is in the same pot. I feel like the more I do of each, the more there is to do. Like they multiply. They have sex in the night && by morning they’ve reproduced by the millions.

Our dish washer broke. 😞 So it is going to be even more of a headache to do the dishes. But then again, I haven’t met anyone that loves to do dishes. Do you love to do dishes?

It takes three to four times to dry out laundry. Then when we finally get it dry, takes me another fourteen ages to actually fold and put it up. But I think a lot of people do that. 😂😂 When I lived alone I would do laundry, end up putting it on my bed, && sleeping with it for a good month. 🧺

But what can I say? 🍽️ 🧺

Hands Free – Good or No?

First, I’m sad. I was so tired last night that I forgot to write. So, I lost my streak – I was up to 33 days. I really wanted to hit 365 days by the end of the year, but it’s okay. It’s just one day. I’ll get back on track.

I went && looked for it – the other day I saw a topic idea that was “if you could uninvent something, what would it be?” At the time of seeing it, I couldn’t think of anything but now I know what I would throw in the trash if I could.

Hands free sinks.

You may be thinking, but they are there to keep you from having to touch the sink. Here’s my issue with them. THEY NEVER WORK. You stand there for ten minutes looking like a complete idiot because you can’t get a single one to work.

I went to Wal-Mart the other day – had to use the restroom – they have eight sinks. EIGHT! I started on one end and attempted to turn on all of them. I finally found one, that barely gave any water. Seriously though. If you’re going to have those hand free faucets, you need them to work.

I just miss the ability to turn on a sink using a handle. (As I’ve said before, I’m sure I’m still living in the 90’s). I miss the ability to decide if I want freezing cold water or warm water or scalding hot water. The sinks at my job during the winter are freezing cold. During the summer, it’s scalding. There is no in between. I know we have the ability to change the way the sinks work, but they won’t. If they’d just put the handles back on the sinks, I’d be a happy camper. It makes washing my hands irritating.

***
So, I guess I’m back at day one in my writing. Hopefully I don’t fall off the wagon again – but I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen. I’ll probably end up not writing for weeks at a time && picking it back up. I do that.

Places to see. People to do.

Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.

So I live in southern Oklahoma. So southern that I’m about 15 minutes from Texas. A short trip half way across a bridge – BAM! 💥 I am in Texas. In fact, I am closer to Denton, Texas than Oklahoma City and the same distance from here to Dallas and here to Oklahoma City.

My point?

I have never been to Six Flags over Texas. For the ones not from Oklahoma or Texas, that doesn’t seem like a big deal. However, if you’re from around here && I say that, it still shocks people.

Six Flags over Texas is one of those places people here get yearly passes. They go there all the time. Any chance they get.

Then there’s me. I have been to Walt Disney World in Florida – but not Six Flags. Go figure!

But let’s be honest. I haven’t been to a lot of places. Zoos. Aquariums. Museums. I don’t get out much. Even as a kid, I didn’t have friends that asked me to go places like that with them && my parents didn’t have the money to go.

As a kid I spent a lot of time with my mom – usually wherever she worked, you’d probably be able to find me. So going to places like that just didn’t seem like a big deal.

As an adult, I kind of wish I had gone. But who would I have gone with? && now, those places interest me, but I feel like I am too old. If I had children of my own, I could see going – but I don’t. I feel like those places (even thinking about going to Walt Disney World) are built and made for children to enjoy. Single adults can’t go by themselves.

I mean, yeah… I could “borrow” children from family. But isn’t that weird?

First and Foremost.

Write about your first computer.

I was twelve when we got the first family computer. So approximately 1999.

It wasn’t fancy, just an average white computer. 💻 I am pretty sure it was the same computer most families bought. Except for my best friend who had one of those clear backs with color made by McIntosh and sold my Apple – “iMac”. I was so jealous of her computer. I wanted one so bad! Hers was blue.

I do remember being fascinated by it. (Kind of still am fascinated by computers). It’s the reason I took computer classes in middle and high school. I’m pretty sure it’s the reason I took computers in college. && I’m pretty sure I can blame that, and my High School computer teacher, as to why I can type 100 words per minute.

We had dial up. So I always had to ask permission to get online. But at 12, I didn’t find much use online. My mom used it the most to talk to my cousin who lived in Michigan. They used to write handwritten letters to each other, then they got computers. (Well, sometimes they used a typewriter but mostly written by hand. *pretty sure that’s where I get my love of being a pen-pal).

I didn’t really get into computers – staying on them for hours and hours – until I was around 16. That’s when I dropped out of high school. That’s when I became a whole different person. Online I was the version of myself I always wanted to be. In person – most people didn’t know I still existed. *that’s more true than I’d like to admit*

I lived on the computer until I was in my early 20’s. After that I couldn’t figure out what I did online that took so much of my time. So much of my life. Now I will get on the computer for writing purposes (I also work with computers), or maybe to Google something. I am not on it very long – if I get on it.

Today I have a Dell computer that I bought off Amazon. It came with two monitors and a keyboard. The monitors didn’t work and the keyboard was trash. So I bought a monitor from Wal-Mart – it MIGHT be Samsung or an off brand something or another. The keyboard lights up and I bought it on New Egg. 🥚

Take Two.

Tuesday the sixth.

I was called back by the surgeons office this afternoon. Woo! 🧑🏻‍⚕️ They were willing to set my appointment for tomorrow, but I can’t do that – I work tomorrow. So I told them Tuesday’s are best for me and I am free for whenever. So next Tuesday it is…

Normally I would ramble on and on about thoughts, worries, etc. But today will be short because I’m using my cell phone to write this. Why? Don’t laugh! 👀 One of my cats, Odis, was asleep in my computer chair && I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left the room to use my phone. ☎️

But I will say this much. My “fat brain” is freaking out && I know that it’s going to take a lot to calm it down. However, I know I need to do this to survive – I’m just, probably like everyone else on the planet that has done this surgery, scared of how it’s going to change me.

The thought of taking an hour to eat one scrambled egg terrifies me. Although, I’m pretty sure by 30 minutes in, I’m going to get bored of eating. 🍽️

I did have a check up with my doctor today. We didn’t do much so I have nothing new to go by. I did tell him that when I eat I sweat, which is weird – asked if I should be worried. He said no – he is pretty sure it’s because of my Trulicity. I also asked for a prescription of antacids because BOY! Woo! All I get anymore is heartburn. Sucks. I have an appointment next month to check my A1C. Hopefully it has gone down. I know my daily numbers are lower. Send a prayer up for me on that.

I will stop on that note && will pick it back up again later on.

Waiting Games.

I’m not a fan of waiting games.

I’m one of those people that if I call a business, any business, I think they should answer the phone. && if they pay someone to just answer phones, that person should answer the phone. I don’t like leaving messages, because when I leave a message – no one calls me back.

I called the weight loss surgeon’s office today. It’s been three weeks && one day since I last called them to inquire about starting the journey over. I got an answering machine – at 2:30 PM. So I left my name, number, date of birth && a brief message, just like it asked me to.

Do I think I’m going to get a call back? No, I honestly don’t.

I had a doctor once that never answered the phone. Even though they paid someone to sit at the front desk && answer phones. The recording said “press one for texting”. If I physically call you – I don’t want to text you. Mostly because most people can’t read. As harsh as that is, people can’t read. && they see my text message and for some reason when I use full words, and complete English, they can’t read. Actually that’s not true.

I’m annoyed.

People can read. I just don’t like to wait.

If the surgeon people want to know why I stopped going last year all they have to do is ask. I’ll tell them the truth. Trust me, it takes too much to lie. But they aren’t even asking questions. They just haven’t called me back. The 8th, when I called them, “we will call you back”. Three weeks later.

I don’t know what else to do. I guess I will just wait some more. I just want to get this journey started over so I can get to the point of having the surgery. I’m tired of feeling like I do all the time && it’s because of my weight.

I need help.

WHY A TATO?

It’s not a secret that I want a food truck. I’m actually very vocal about it. Have been for years. But I have some thoughts.

Tonight I took my brother, his girlfriend && their two year old to dinner – including boyfriend. So it was four adults, one two year old child. Children, usually under a certain age, is free. They don’t eat much. We got the bill, I looked at it – $72.00. I sit for a moment thinking why is this so high? This is with the understanding that we went to a buffet. (I’m possibly still living with the mindset of someone in the late 90’s to early 00’s where one person was $7.50 at a buffet.)

Let’s get out of that mindset.

I understand food prices have gone up. I would never try to deny that. So I understand the price per adult is going to be higher than $7.50 now. What I wasn’t understanding – four adult drinks & a child drink – $15.00. First – if a child eats free, their drink should be free. Am I wrong for thinking like that? Especially if they order a tea. Tea is CHEAP. All tea is cheap. But let’s say that a child drink is half the price of an adult drink – four adult drinks && one kid drink – $15.

On the way home I was talking to Boyfriend about the prices. He told me it’s because most people don’t look at the price of drinks so it’s an easy up sale (y’all should pay more attention to how much your drink is). More profit. I understand the concept of profit. People need a profit or their business doesn’t work. I get that. I understand that. But at the same time – 3$ for a drink. I even will take in consideration it’s a buffet so people sit there for a while drinking. But even tonight, I ordered a Diet Pepsi, I drank half the glass, the waitress refilled it – then I drank that whole glass. $3.00

Then we started talking about selling 20 ounce bottles. I told him I don’t understand why people sell those for $3.50 – he said “up sale” again. Let’s discuss that for a moment. You can buy a 6 pack of bottles at Wal-Mart for $8.00. I sell each for $1.50. That’s a $10 profit. Why do I need a $34 profit?

Maybe with my whole mindset it’s a good thing I don’t have a business. From the sounds of it I may go bankrupt very fast. I just figured – let’s say I get the food truck && I sell bottles of soda/water. I sell them for $1.50 – shouldn’t my food make up the costs of what I may or may not lose? Especially if I just buy bottled drinks. I mean I’m not going to argue about prices of food. I understand the reason behind the hike in food prices in businesses && I also understand I would have to have a good profit off those. But at the same time, why would someone sell a baked potato for $10.00?

The place I work has restaurants inside of it. One of them I used to go to and buy a loaded baked potato. I would like to mention it wasn’t that long ago. I could get a baked potato with sour cream, green onions, butter, cheese && bacon bits for $4.50 with my work discount. ((I’ll make sure to add that I get a 20% discount eating at the restaurants are my job. Small perk, if you will.)) So with that discount – $4.50 for a loaded baked potato. Last month, a co-worker went to that place && got a loaded baked potato. The potato was smaller than it used to be with the same toppings – $10.00 with our 20% discount.

Potatoes are cheap. It’s probably one of the cheapest vegetables you can buy. You can get a 10 pound bag of potatoes right now, for $5.00 at Wal-Mart. Logically, I know that the company doesn’t shop at Wal-Mart. So I understand that the company they purchase through is going to go up a little on the price. So let’s say 10 pounds for $10.00. There is usually about 25 potatoes in the bag. Let’s do math. You spent $10.00 on a bag of potatoes that have 25 potatoes in the bag – you sell the potatoes for $4.50 (&& that’s included with the toppings I mentioned). That is approximately a $113.00 profit with just potatoes. Let’s take in the sour cream, green onions, cheese… what else did I say? Sour cream… oh! Butter.

Humor me. Let’s do some math. Now, keep in mind, I’m using Wal-Mart prices because it’s where I shop.
Potatoes – $10.00 a bag – approximately 25 potatoes – which means each tato is $0.40.
Sour cream – $1.88 – it’s 16 ounces/so we’d do half an ounce per tato – gives 32 servings for $0.06 each.
Shredded Cheese – $7.48 for 32 ounces/so we’d do half a ounce – gives 46 servings for $0.16 each.
Butter (I buy imperial sticks) – 4 sticks per box/each box is 32 ounces so you’d have 36 servings for $0.04 each.
Green Onions – they come in bunches usually of about 5 onions, half an onion each, 10 servings for $0.09 each

$0.40+$0.06+$0.16+$0.04+$0.09=$1.56 – price per tato with toppings.
25 tatos x 1.56= $39.00 for the whole bag of tatos with toppings.
Let’s say we sell them for $4.50. 25 x $4.50= $112.50 for 25 servings of tatos.
$112.50-$39.00= $73.50 profit

I’m not business major (although I was in college for business && did really well in accounting) so I could be totally wrong on how the profit works. I also realize, there’s more to it. I know there are other bills and other factors, but I’m just looking at the tato. I’m just saying I don’t understand why a company would sell a baked tato for $10. Yes, I know people want the bigger profit. I understand that. I just don’t understand…

Let’s say I make the best baked tato ever! Word gets out about how good that baked tato is. It’s fantastic. Brings me in more people – so I sell more tatos… my profit is higher. Or am I dense for thinking like that?

I don’t know, maybe I just shouldn’t look into having my own business? It’s not like I’m going to try to sell a cheese burger, fries & a drink for $1.50 – I understand how prices are. I understand that it would need to be at least $10 for that. BUT WHY A TATO?

Goals & What Nots.

What is the biggest goal you’re working towards?

I have been very honest the last few weeks about my biggest goal for myself right now. Weight loss surgery.

Once upon a time in the life of Barb, she thought it was a short cut. A round about way to lose weight. An easy way out. But through the years I have realized it’s not. It’s a tool. A very expensive tool that aids you in losing weight that is eventually going to kill you.

I have to look at it like that. I have to look at it through different perspective or I’m not going to do it. && no, the place hasn’t called me back. So I’m going to call them tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully this time I’ll be able to make a way in. Because I’m ready.

I do have worries – but when am I not worrying? Ask anyone – I worry all the time.

I worry I won’t make it through the surgery. I haven’t read anything about anyone ever dying during surgery. Afterwards – yes – but it’s mostly because they didn’t take care of themselves. Didn’t do what they needed to do to keep up their vitamin levels, etc.

I’m scared my heart won’t hold up. I know my cardiologist said that my heart is doing better – but at the same time, how much better? People pass when put under all the time. That I have read about.

I’m just tired of feeling like I do all the time && faking it around people so they don’t worry. Yesterday marked 3 years since I was hospitalized. Three years since I nearly died. I don’t want to face that again anytime soon. So I know that I NEED to do this. I HAVE TO DO THIS.