Category: Uncategorized

I don’t have writer’s block.

I don't have writer's block.

At least I wish I could say that – but sadly, I can’t. My block is so bad this round I can’t write, read, or even jot down a shopping list. I sit around day in and down out thinking about my novel that I didn’t finish when I wanted, but cannot seem to write a word.

Honestly, how hard is it to jot down a shopping list? Eggs. Butter. Milk. Bread. Same thing every time I get groceries. But now, nothing. It’s like my brain has shut down and unable to be restarted.

I have been staring at a letter I have wanted to write for nearly a month now and all I do is write down the date & time, then nothing. A book I have been waiting a year to read, “Gabriel’s Redemption” by Sylvian Reynard, – I have read one chapter.

I really need to fix the issue I have.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Normally people write their year in review. However, I didn’t do anything this year that is worth talking about. So we’ll, instead, go this route. I’m going to give myself two things I’d like to accomplish this year.

1. Finish the first draft – if not more – of my novel.
2. Lose another 50 to 80 pounds.

Maybe, just maybe, I will actually do one or both. We’ll see. I will let y’all know December 31, 2014. Until then…

The Day Inspiration Struck Me ::

Daily Prompt : 

Tell us about a time you’d been trying to solve a knotty problem — maybe it was an interpersonal problem, a life problem, a big ol’ problem — and you had a moment of clarity when the solution appeared to you, as though you were struck by lightening.

First I wouldn’t say it was a problem but I can remember a moment in 2012 when I was hit by “lightning”.  Since I was 19, when I decided I wanted to write, I had been trying to figure out what I wanted to write a novel over.  I have had many idea’s through the last few years and was never able to put the thoughts onto paper.  In 2012 I was a step away from deciding that maybe – maybe – I am not supposed to write and was nearly ready to stop trying.

November 30, 2012 (yes, I can remember the date & place) I was sitting on my brothers couch visiting him and his wife when I felt like something hit me with what I was missing to finally write a novel.  The story played through my mind like a movie.  Frame by frame – perfectly.  After finally coming back to reality I quickly left – not sure that I even said bye. I took off home (running across the street, I didn’t have far to go) and sat down at my laptop and for six hours, into December 1st, I wrote out the plan of the story.  How it would start, what would happen throughout it, and how it would end.   When I finished the outline I felt like I had accomplished something without actually accomplishing anything.  I knew, from that day on, I’d have a rocky path ahead of me.  Everyone’s first book is usually a long process and it can take a couple years.  

I made myself a goal – one I sadly didn’t meet – that I would be completely done with the first draft a year after I started writing the book.  I’m not sure if that was unrealistic, but I wanted that.  However, now that it’s been a year and I am still working on the first draft I have accepted that.  Not saying I honestly like it, but I’m okay with it.  I suppose you cannot rush greatness!  Eh.  

Right now as I sit here typing this I have wrote the beginning and the end.  The middle is giving me problems.  My sandwich isn’t coming together very well – I am missing the bologna.  Right now I have a dry cheese sandwich and I’m needing the rest.  I’m on chapter twelve and I’m stuck.  But I will finish this book.  I have faith in myself.  Especially now that I have accepted and decided that I need to write this for myself and not everyone else.  This book is for me.

If You’re Reading This!

Daily Prompt: 

You are the first astronaut to arrive on a new, uncharted planet. Write the note that you leave to those who come after you.

If you’re reading this I finally got off of this planet.  Crashing sucks!

So here I sit writing a quick letter.  Thank God I’m a writer & I actually carry it with me.  I wanted to let someone know what’s it like on this planet so you’re prepared.

First, I didn’t even realize it was real.  I’ve heard stories.  But here it is.  Water.  Land.  Beautiful.  It’s great here.  A part of me didn’t want to leave, but I miss family.  Thinking about coming back.

It’s quiet here without anyone around.  However, all the animals are great.  Friendly.  It’s perfect if you’re not a people person.  It’s very green.  I’m sure this is what Earth looked like before people.  Before houses and roads.  I hope you like to walk.  There are not roads or vehicles.  There are no houses – I hope you can build a fort.

I have never witnessed clear water like this planet.  So clear I could see straight through to the bottom.  It’s great.  A taste I have never had splash across my taste buds.  Drink it!  You’ll see.

Signed – WhyHasn’tSomeoneFoundThisPlanet

Act of Kindness.

Daily Prompt :

Tell us about the time when you performed a secret random act of kindness — where the recipient of your kindness never found out about your good deed. How did the deed go down?

I sat here and thought about this prompt for a while.  Mostly wondering if there was anything I ever did without the other person knowing.  And I’m not sure I have.  I don’t believe I have ever “secretly” done a good did.

I choose to live my life in a way where I am hoping that at least one person is happier.  Letting people cross the street by holding up a line of cars.  Leaving a quarter on a basket at Aldi’s (since you have to pay a quarter to use their basket).  Saying hi to strangers.  Smiling even when deep inside of me I’m crying.  Giving to people anything I can give to them without leaving me on the street (because it’s not worth that.  Honestly. *that’s me being yay me!*)

I’m the one who does the small things in life.  Leaving notes for people inside of books at libraries or book stores.

I’m saddened, however, to know that I have never done anything without someone knowing I did it.  Maybe I need to take a hard look at myself and start over.

Dear Santa,

This year I don’t find myself wanting much.  Is “needing” a better word to use?  

I wanted to apologize for not writing as much as I should.  Even as young child, I always seemed to have other things to do.  I never seemed to write.  I feel horrible about that.  

Today I sit at my laptop and I write you a letter.  A letter basically saying I haven’t been ‘perfect’, but who has?  We all have our things that tear us away from what we want to be.  Words we choose to use.  Actions.  Dreams.  

We start every year with a resolution saying how we will be better to people than the year before.  But we don’t.  We never seem to do any better, no matter how hard we try.  This year I want to.  I want to write a letter to you next year at the time telling you all of the great things I chose to do instead of walking away.  Hiding and staying quiet.

This year, however, Santa I don’t deserve anything.  I haven’t lived up to the life that a person should.  I haven’t done anything great and I keep deciding to do the complete opposite of what I truly want to do.

Hopefully next year,

Sincerely,
Barbara

(Also, yes, I know that you know what my dream was about last night.  I can’t control those.  You should dream like that more often.  Maybe you wouldn’t eat so many cookies.)

Ghost of Christmas Past!

Daily Prompt:

What is your very favorite holiday? Recount the specific memory or memories that have made that holiday special to you.

* * * * 

Sleepy eyed I’m awaken by my brother.  I glance over at the clock, big red letters flashed, 6:30 am.  This was an every year thing.  Tim would quietly walk through the house to me and wake me up.  Him and I would then tip-toe into the living room, still in our pajama’s, sit in front of the Christmas tree Indian style.  We’d wait.

One particular Christmas, I remember, was the very last Christmas we spent with our grandmother – who shortly after had seven strokes, back to back, and was paralyzed.  An air mattress was laid out in the living room floor, on it laid my grandmother  and her boyfriend of fifteen years.  Excitement boiled within my brother and I that we couldn’t wait, we thought about making all kinds of noises to wake someone up.  Instead.  We waited.  Just like every year.

Sitting in front of the tree was a tan teddy bear with a red sweater.  I knew it was mine.  I wanted it.  I knew who it was from.  And I wanted it.  (I still have that bear and I was 11 when this Christmas happened.)

Every holiday is easily remembered, however I cannot recall everything.  Some of my memories of my childhood is blurred or isn’t remembered correctly.  

I can remember my last Christmas while my mother was still alive.  She was so excited about the present.  My mother decided that every year we’d get one big present, usually costing her over 100$.  A large box sat behind the tree with my name on the tag.  I had no idea what it was.  The morning when we opened it I pulled out every ‘Nsync doll, and the full collection of glass bobble heads.  That is all I wanted, nothing else meant as much as those dolls.  (I also still have those.)  I was 15. A few years ago, however, some kids broke into a shed my brother and I own, pulled out every single bobble head and destroyed them.  I cried.  I felt like I lost my mom all over again.  A week later my brother handed me the collection of bobble heads.  The day he realized they were broke he got onto Ebay.com and purchased them for me.  I was 24.

I can remember the last year I spent with my dad.  Not perfectly.  It was a bad year.  But I remember that I threatened to mush his food because he had a trek after having everything in his throat removed due to throat cancer.  I remember that night because of the fact he was there, and after that he lived a couple months before passing.  I was 23.

Last year my brother and I, (not a Christmas memory), went to Denny’s for dinner.  His wife and step-children went to her mothers and my brother had to work that day.  After he got home we got ready and had dinner together.  It doesn’t seem like much to a lot of people who I tell about it.  But after some of the past years, that was perfect.  Just my brother and me.  I was 25.

This year I am excited.  I’m hoping nothing horrible happens and we have a great day.  Of course, though, my brother has to work so we’ll have to wait until he gets off.  But either way I’m happy.  I’m ready.  Finished shopping for presents.  All I have to do is buy the dinner.  

The one thing I’m sure everyone noticed – the years I remember, are the last years I spent with certain people.  My grandmother.  My mother.  My father.  

I lost the spirit after my mother passed away and I’m just recently getting the urge to celebrate back.  Hopefully I keep the urge and it continues to grow.  However, I’m Santa Claus this year.  I have many stocking stuffers.