Take Two.

Tuesday the sixth.

I was called back by the surgeons office this afternoon. Woo! 🧑🏻‍⚕️ They were willing to set my appointment for tomorrow, but I can’t do that – I work tomorrow. So I told them Tuesday’s are best for me and I am free for whenever. So next Tuesday it is…

Normally I would ramble on and on about thoughts, worries, etc. But today will be short because I’m using my cell phone to write this. Why? Don’t laugh! 👀 One of my cats, Odis, was asleep in my computer chair && I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left the room to use my phone. ☎️

But I will say this much. My “fat brain” is freaking out && I know that it’s going to take a lot to calm it down. However, I know I need to do this to survive – I’m just, probably like everyone else on the planet that has done this surgery, scared of how it’s going to change me.

The thought of taking an hour to eat one scrambled egg terrifies me. Although, I’m pretty sure by 30 minutes in, I’m going to get bored of eating. 🍽️

I did have a check up with my doctor today. We didn’t do much so I have nothing new to go by. I did tell him that when I eat I sweat, which is weird – asked if I should be worried. He said no – he is pretty sure it’s because of my Trulicity. I also asked for a prescription of antacids because BOY! Woo! All I get anymore is heartburn. Sucks. I have an appointment next month to check my A1C. Hopefully it has gone down. I know my daily numbers are lower. Send a prayer up for me on that.

I will stop on that note && will pick it back up again later on.

Waiting Games.

I’m not a fan of waiting games.

I’m one of those people that if I call a business, any business, I think they should answer the phone. && if they pay someone to just answer phones, that person should answer the phone. I don’t like leaving messages, because when I leave a message – no one calls me back.

I called the weight loss surgeon’s office today. It’s been three weeks && one day since I last called them to inquire about starting the journey over. I got an answering machine – at 2:30 PM. So I left my name, number, date of birth && a brief message, just like it asked me to.

Do I think I’m going to get a call back? No, I honestly don’t.

I had a doctor once that never answered the phone. Even though they paid someone to sit at the front desk && answer phones. The recording said “press one for texting”. If I physically call you – I don’t want to text you. Mostly because most people can’t read. As harsh as that is, people can’t read. && they see my text message and for some reason when I use full words, and complete English, they can’t read. Actually that’s not true. 

I’m annoyed.

People can read. I just don’t like to wait. 

If the surgeon people want to know why I stopped going last year all they have to do is ask. I’ll tell them the truth. Trust me, it takes too much to lie. But they aren’t even asking questions. They just haven’t called me back. The 8th, when I called them, “we will call you back”. Three weeks later. 

I don’t know what else to do. I guess I will just wait some more. I just want to get this journey started over so I can get to the point of having the surgery. I’m tired of feeling like I do all the time && it’s because of my weight. 

I need help.

WHY A TATO?

It’s not a secret that I want a food truck. I’m actually very vocal about it. Have been for years. But I have some thoughts.

Tonight I took my brother, his girlfriend && their two year old to dinner – including boyfriend. So it was four adults, one two year old child. Children, usually under a certain age, is free. They don’t eat much. We got the bill, I looked at it – $72.00. I sit for a moment thinking why is this so high? This is with the understanding that we went to a buffet. (I’m possibly still living with the mindset of someone in the late 90’s to early 00’s where one person was $7.50 at a buffet.) 

Let’s get out of that mindset. 

I understand food prices have gone up. I would never try to deny that. So I understand the price per adult is going to be higher than $7.50 now. What I wasn’t understanding – four adult drinks & a child drink – $15.00. First – if a child eats free, their drink should be free. Am I wrong for thinking like that? Especially if they order a tea. Tea is CHEAP. All tea is cheap. But let’s say that a child drink is half the price of an adult drink – four adult drinks && one kid drink – $15. 

On the way home I was talking to Boyfriend about the prices. He told me it’s because most people don’t look at the price of drinks so it’s an easy up sale (y’all should pay more attention to how much your drink is). More profit. I understand the concept of profit. People need a profit or their business doesn’t work. I get that. I understand that. But at the same time – 3$ for a drink. I even will take in consideration it’s a buffet so people sit there for a while drinking. But even tonight, I ordered a Diet Pepsi, I drank half the glass, the waitress refilled it – then I drank that whole glass. $3.00

Then we started talking about selling 20 ounce bottles. I told him I don’t understand why people sell those for $3.50 – he said “up sale” again. Let’s discuss that for a moment. You can buy a 6 pack of bottles at Wal-Mart for $8.00. I sell each for $1.50. That’s a $10 profit. Why do I need a $34 profit?

Maybe with my whole mindset it’s a good thing I don’t have a business. From the sounds of it I may go bankrupt very fast. I just figured – let’s say I get the food truck && I sell bottles of soda/water. I sell them for $1.50 – shouldn’t my food make up the costs of what I may or may not lose? Especially if I just buy bottled drinks. I mean I’m not going to argue about prices of food. I understand the reason behind the hike in food prices in businesses && I also understand I would have to have a good profit off those. But at the same time, why would someone sell a baked potato for $10.00?

The place I work has restaurants inside of it. One of them I used to go to and buy a loaded baked potato. I would like to mention it wasn’t that long ago. I could get a baked potato with sour cream, green onions, butter, cheese && bacon bits for $4.50 with my work discount. ((I’ll make sure to add that I get a 20% discount eating at the restaurants are my job. Small perk, if you will.)) So with that discount – $4.50 for a loaded baked potato. Last month, a co-worker went to that place && got a loaded baked potato. The potato was smaller than it used to be with the same toppings – $10.00 with our 20% discount.

Potatoes are cheap. It’s probably one of the cheapest vegetables you can buy. You can get a 10 pound bag of potatoes right now, for $5.00 at Wal-Mart. Logically, I know that the company doesn’t shop at Wal-Mart. So I understand that the company they purchase through is going to go up a little on the price. So let’s say 10 pounds for $10.00. There is usually about 25 potatoes in the bag. Let’s do math. You spent $10.00 on a bag of potatoes that have 25 potatoes in the bag – you sell the potatoes for $4.50 (&& that’s included with the toppings I mentioned). That is approximately a $113.00 profit with just potatoes. Let’s take in the sour cream, green onions, cheese… what else did I say? Sour cream… oh! Butter. 

Humor me.Let’s do some math. Now, keep in mind, I’m using Wal-Mart prices because it’s where I shop.
Potatoes – $10.00 a bag – approximately 25 potatoes – which means each tato is $0.40.
Sour cream – $1.88 – it’s 16 ounces/so we’d do half an ounce per tato – gives 32 servings for $0.06 each.
Shredded Cheese – $7.48 for 32 ounces/so we’d do half a ounce – gives 46 servings for $0.16 each.
Butter (I buy imperial sticks) – 4 sticks per box/each box is 32 ounces so you’d have 36 servings for $0.04 each.
Green Onions – they come in bunches usually of about 5 onions, half an onion each, 10 servings for $0.09 each

$0.40+$0.06+$0.16+$0.04+$0.09=$1.56 – price per tato with toppings.
25 tatos x 1.56= $39.00 for the whole bag of tatos with toppings.
Let’s say we sell them for $4.50. 25 x $4.50= $112.50 for 25 servings of tatos.
$112.50-$39.00= $73.50 profit

I’m not business major (although I was in college for business && did really well in accounting) so I could be totally wrong on how the profit works. I also realize, there’s more to it. I know there are other bills and other factors, but I’m just looking at the tato. I’m just saying I don’t understand why a company would sell a baked tato for $10. Yes, I know people want the bigger profit. I understand that. I just don’t understand…

Let’s say I make the best baked tato ever! Word gets out about how good that baked tato is. It’s fantastic. Brings me in more people – so I sell more tatos… my profit is higher. Or am I dense for thinking like that?

I don’t know, maybe I just shouldn’t look into having my own business? It’s not like I’m going to try to sell a cheese burger, fries & a drink for $1.50 – I understand how prices are. I understand that it would need to be at least $10 for that. BUT WHY A TATO?

Goals & What Nots.

What is the biggest goal you’re working towards?

I have been very honest the last few weeks about my biggest goal for myself right now. Weight loss surgery.

Once upon a time in the life of Barb, she thought it was a short cut. A round about way to lose weight. An easy way out. But through the years I have realized it’s not. It’s a tool. A very expensive tool that aids you in losing weight that is eventually going to kill you.

I have to look at it like that. I have to look at it through different perspective or I’m not going to do it. && no, the place hasn’t called me back. So I’m going to call them tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully this time I’ll be able to make a way in. Because I’m ready.

I do have worries – but when am I not worrying? Ask anyone – I worry all the time.

I worry I won’t make it through the surgery. I haven’t read anything about anyone ever dying during surgery. Afterwards – yes – but it’s mostly because they didn’t take care of themselves. Didn’t do what they needed to do to keep up their vitamin levels, etc. 

I’m scared my heart won’t hold up. I know my cardiologist said that my heart is doing better – but at the same time, how much better? People pass when put under all the time. That I have read about.

I’m just tired of feeling like I do all the time && faking it around people so they don’t worry. Yesterday marked 3 years since I was hospitalized. Three years since I nearly died. I don’t want to face that again anytime soon. So I know that I NEED to do this. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

The Right Direction.

I feel like I’m going in the right direction when it comes to getting back in the groove of writing.

I read a lot of authors takes on what makes them a good author and how they complete their books. The one thing that they all say “you have to write” (&& read). I know this isn’t quite what they had in mind when it comes to writing – they meant more of the whole, open word && start writing the story.

I have so many ideas in my head that I can’t make heads nor tails of most of it. There is one story I want to write – badly – but at the same time I’m not sure where to start. The other day I was reading about popular romance writers && how they start a book. One I read about said that she starts with a scene. The big scene. The IT scene. The scene the book travels to && makes a difference. Then she’ll build from that. Going backwards && to the end.

I have thought about starting at the end. Where does my story end?Why does it end like that? But when I sit down to start writing all my ideas just disappear && I’m left with nothing – which in turn makes me feel useless. I know it shouldn’t. But it does. Every. Single. Time.

But tonight I didn’t want to write a blog post. I just wanted to go to bed && forget about it. Instead, I forced myself up and into the other room to write. ((&& both rooms I have irritated the same cat. First I made him move out of my spot in bed. So he came into the computer room. Then I came in here && made him move out of my chair. He’s not happy with me.)) Like I said, I know this isn’t what any of them had in mind when they say to write – daily – but it’s a start, right?

I just need to work myself out of this slump so I can write the stories that hide in the darkness of my brain.

Headaches.

What gives you a headache just thinking about it?

Right now, everything is giving me a headache. But then again, I haven’t really felt well today, so that’s probably half of it.

The wedding is giving me a headache. Not in a bad way. I just accepted a long time ago that I wouldn’t need to really think about a wedding because who would want to marry me? As a kid that was a hard thing to accept but when you hit about 25, && no one really shows an interest, and a lot of your family basically has accepted they have to take care of you for the rest of time because you’ll be alone – you learn to accept it.

But here it is. 36 years OLD, && I’m looking at getting married. && I’m not one of those girls that has thought about it all their life. You know, once you accept you’ll never get married you stop thinking about it. I feel like I’m running blind. I know I have people in my life that would be willing to assist me in planning it, but at the same time, I’m… some would say I’m weird. Some of the things I want I’m not sure they’d understand until they actually see it happen. Then it will makes sense. But getting to that point.

I have made a few decisions but the hardest one will always be where && how much I’m willing to spend. That && if I even want a full blown wedding. I’ve mentioned it before – maybe elope && then have a party.

I would say I still have so much time to figure it out, but I don’t. If I’m having an actual wedding, && will have to pay for a space to have it at, I need to figure it out very soon – I’ll need to save the money for it.

Cat Babies.

Bloganuary writing prompt
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

If I had to pick one thing, && only one thing – I would want them to understand how much I love them.

We have accumulated a lot of cats through the years – not on purpose – some are strays, some are babies of a stray that we thought was a boy who turned out to be a girl cat && now we call her Mommy Bean. Some of them irritate the snot out of me – because you know, they are cats. But at the same time, I love them so much.

I think I’ve mentioned how before I would actually chuckle at people who told me their pets were like children to them. Because who could feel like that? && up until Dotty was born, &&& I fell in love with her, I didn’t think it was possible. But I did. I fell for that Siamese cat like it was something I do all the time.

I’ve had pets before Dotty. I had a cat when I was 15, Kitty Kittie (it’s all she’d answer to), but when I lost her it didn’t hit me like it did Dotty’s death. It’s been almost a year and I still miss her so much. Still cry. Still miss her trying to smother my head. 

When I lost her I didn’t want the other cats anymore. Because it hurt my heart to look at them. Horrible, yes, I know. But Lucci, Dotty’s Uncle – he knew I was hurting and sad because he was trying to do what Dotty used to do. Lucci, I love that cat && I hope he knows just how much I love him. I hope Dotty knew how much I loved her. Because I did. I loved her way too much. 

My brother && I have always said that we were going to get a really big piece of land && put houses on it together. I told him I was still down for it. But I can’t now. I buried her in this yard && I refuse to leave her again. I guess if I win the lottery I’ll just have to buy out this road.