Tag: bariatric-surgery

Journey Update #1

I can’t sleep.

Which wouldn’t really surprise anyone that knows me. Sometimes I can lay down && just fall asleep, other times, not so much. Tonight is “other nights”.

Wandering around the house I remembered I haven’t updated y’all on my journey so far. So, let’s do that.

Today is April 17, 2025 – it has been five months and four days since having the surgery – 155 days. I have lost 81 pounds. The first three months I lost 60 pounds – knowing I have only lost 20 pounds in two months makes me sad. I don’t know if this is normal.

I’m on a DS Support Group on Facebook – my surgeons office told me to join one. Everyone will post that in six months they pulled off 120 or more pounds. It makes me wonder if I’m doing something incorrectly.

But let’s talk about the positive:
1. I’m off all diabetes medications. My A1C went from 8.7 to 5.3 by month three.
2. When I had the surgery, I was on seven different blood pressure meds. Today, I’m on one.
3. I can walk without getting winded.
4. I fit in my car. (Technically, I fit in my car before, but there was no gap between me && the steering wheel.) I was driving today && for a moment though I feel small in my car.
5. I have been able to buy clothes from Wal-Mart. Last time I remember doing that I was about 19. After that, my weight went up causing me to only buy from Woman Within (plus size clothing store online for anyone wondering). After I started the job, I have now, I gained more weight. What else are you supposed to do when having a sit-down job? The answer to that – eat. After I started dating boyfriend I gained more weight. I don’t think I meant to, but it happened. So, the idea of buying clothes in a store just left. I have bought shorts && shirts from Wal-Mart && that made me happy.
6. People are always telling me I can see the difference. So, there must be a difference, right?
7. I haven’t weighed under 250 pounds in… goodness, I can’t remember when I weighed it. Maybe when Boyfriend && I first started dating back in 2014? Possibly.

I don’t see the difference. All I see is the fat around my waist. (No, I’m not making it up, there is still fat there.) I can feel the thinning of my hair && see it when I brush my hair. I caught a glimpse of my reflection today… my face looks the same. But I wonder… will my face change? I know when people lose weight their face slims, but even when I was younger && weighed 205 pounds, my face was fat. Possibly kid fat face? But it was fat. Maybe I’ll just be one of those chunky faced people.

The DS Support group has stated many times that once you hit six months, that’s your biggest weight loss. After that, you’ll lose slower and not very much more. I really wanted to be 120 pounds down at six months. Where did I get these numbers? Out of a hat, possibly, but I’m not going to hit it. One of the ladies in the group said that I’m probably going to hit 150 pounds – when? && do I want to weigh 150 pounds? According to my height, on the BMI chart, I’ll still be considered overweight. Everything says I need to weigh 110 to 125 pounds.

Even when I was a kid, I never wanted to weigh 110 to 125 pounds. I still don’t.

I think I have mentioned my goal before. My first goal was to reach when my driver’s license said – because you know, I have never told the truth. It was 276 pounds. Then I just wanted to get under 250 pounds. I have technically done that, but I keep bouncing between 248 && 253 pounds. One day I’ll be on the lower side, then two days later I’ll be over 250.

I would also like to mention in that DS Support group they said when they do the surgery, they remove the part of your system that tells you that you’re hungry. That you’ll never “feel hungry”, but you need to eat anyways. Okay… hear me out… I think he left mine in. Because I do feel hunger. My stomach will growl. && I know that because right now my stomach is growling, but it’s 11:09 PM && I don’t think I should be eating again. I wake up every morning… EVERY. MORNING. I wake up hungry. Stomach growling. Tumble rumbles. I first thought it was gas, because that comes with it. But I realized a few days in… that’s hungry.

I’m 37 years old. && until I had this surgery, I didn’t know what “feeling hungry” felt like. I never gave my system enough time to feel hungry. My inability to stay away from food, or my need to eat when I felt weird… kept me from feeling it.

Carbs don’t bother me. Pasta. Rice. Breaded foods. (Don’t think I’m eating that day in && day out, I don’t. I haven’t had pasta since November – I had rice the other night at a Mexican restaurant.) Know what bothers me? SUGAR.

I made a cake the other night for my work peeps. I tasted the icing to make sure it was decent tasting. Oh. My. Goodness. My stomach hurt all night. Mind you, before you get all judge mental, even before the surgery, I rarely ate sugar. Stop giving me that look. You know the look. The look people give fat people when they say I don’t eat/drink sugar. because it’s automatically a lie, right? How else would I have gotten fat?

One word. Ramen.

When I learned to cook ramen noodles in the microwave, it was downhill from there.

Oh, I lied up there. I have eaten pasta since November. That’s how I know it doesn’t bother me. I will make ramen broth – most of the time I’ll take the packets out && toss the noodles (boyfriend don’t eat them so I have no need to keep them), but every now && again, I’ll crumble the noodles and add about a handful of them. It’s rare, though.

I just want to keep it real. No lies. Just honesty.

Do I think that’s what my issue is when it comes to losing slow? I don’t know. Is it something medical? I don’t know. I know at my third month appointment the dietician mentioned weight loss shots. Here’s the thing – I had this surgery so I wouldn’t be on shots for the rest of my life. I still don’t want to me. My issue right now?

I don’t want to be fat when I get married in July.

But honestly, I feel like I will be. && that makes me sad.

Journey Restarted.

Today was my second-first consultation with the weight loss surgeon. I didn’t think he would remember me, but when he walked in he smiled && said “welcome back”. Then of course asked “so, what happened?” I told him the truth – money issues.

It was the same as the first time we spoke last year. I’m going to get the duodenal switch. Basically they will take half of my stomach out && hook my intestines up a little different. (If I can get my computer to load it, I’ll put a picture in that shows it). 

I’m excited && petrified at the same time. It’s a weird feeling. (I hope the picture is clear for y’all, it’s a little blurry on my screen).

I have already set up all three of my dietician appointments (have to have three, once a month) for the insurance && doctors approval. The only thing different on the page of “what I must accomplish before surgery” was that he wants a list of diets && exercises I have done in the past. I figured I have a week to get that done – my first dietician appointment is next Tuesday (February 13th). 

I’m excited because I may actually fix a couple of my health issues. I won’t say it all because I don’t know that it will. Everyone I talk to that has had the surgery is no longer diabetic && doesn’t have high blood pressure anymore. That’s two issues. The kidney issues will be helped by not having those anymore – but where my kidney’s stand right now is where they’ll be until they just get worse. The heart issues SHOULD – && I say should – get a little better. But I don’t know if I’ll be off my medication for that – or the kidneys.

I’m petrified of being put under. I am scared every time I’ve ever been put under. I was put under when they took out my gallbladder && I was put under for a colonoscopy. The colonoscopy – other than kind of waking up in the middle of the procedure – it was fine. When I had my gallbladder taken out && they woke me up, I nearly punched a nurse. I remember four nurses holding me down. I’m scared that I won’t wake up from it. I know it’s rare for that to happen, but the bigger you are, the more chance of it you have. Especially when you have issues sleeping, high blood pressure, etc.

Then of course, I think I’ve mentioned that I have unrealistic worries. 
I worry that I will have a big head.
I worry that it won’t fix my health issues.
I worry that the surgery won’t work.
I worry that I will lose too much weight.
I worry Boyfriend is going to leave. Which, by the way, I didn’t have this worry until a guy I used to work with told me “you know Barb, he started dating you overweight, what’s going to happen if you lose the weight? He may leave.” Ugh! Stupid Mario!
I worry my personality will change.
I worry I will no longer be funny.
See? Dumb worries.

But! I’m excited at the idea that I can buy clothes in stores.
Have a lap my cats can sit in.
Maybe run a marathon?
Have a jawline for the first time in my life.

Remind me to write a blog telling you guys about how long I have been overweight && the fact that I have never been thin. Because that’s going to be a shock!

OH! I also worry that I am going to be uglier than I am now. Most people that have had the surgery – they are breathtaking. Then there is like a 23% of people that… I look at the before picture, when they are overweight, and then look at the skinny version of them && I think hmm… you were better looking fat. I don’t want that. I mean it’s fine if I am not drop dead gorgeous, I don’t know if I’d know what to do. But I don’t want to be uglier than I am right now. You know?