Journey Update #2

Today is December 13, 2025. Which marks one year and one month since I had surgery. Let’s talk…

I have no regrets. Although, I have seen many people talk about how they regret it. How it was the worse decision of their lives. How, if they could rewind time, they’d never do it again. I don’t feel like that.

To date, give or take, I have lost 140 pounds. I say “give or take” because I do wobble between 187 and 191 pounds – which for anyone that didn’t know, I have no memory of ever weighing less than 205 pounds. ((Miracles happen))

I have days where I can eat more than others. I also have days where I can’t eat anything. Some days I feel great! Some days I feel like utter trash. Some days my stomach feels fine. Some days my stomach hurts.

Sugar makes me hurt. && when I say hurt, I’m talking hurting. Small amounts are fine, but if I “indulge”, for whatever reason, I hurt. (Just an FYI, I don’t eat sugar as often as most people think I do/did. But you can believe whatever you want. Sugar didn’t make me overweight. Carbs did. I went downhill when I figured out how to make ramen in the microwave.)
I can still eat carbs. Pasta. Rice. Bread. I can eat it. Not as much as I used to be able to. Three bites of pasta. Three bites of rice. I’m done. However, I always eat protein before I even attempt rice or pasta – && I’ve never been a huge fan of breads – so I can go without it.
I miss gulping water. But if I gulp water, it makes my stomach hurt for a few minutes.
I still make my plate like the old Barb. I do love leftovers, though.
Grape propel has become my best friend. I actually thought it would be Gatorlyte, the red one, but I have come to buy Propel more often when I’m out and about && want something other than water. (I’m a bottled water snob.)
I’ll never get used to being cold. Being overweight my entire life, I got used to being hot – all the time. Snow on the ground wandering around in shorts, short sleeve shirt, and flip flops. Sleeping with a fan on full blast. It hits 50 degrees and I’m putting on a sweater. Sitting under a heated blanket. Buying a heated mattress cover for my bed. I usually just joke with people that my padding disappeared.
I feel like I look old now. I understand that skin is only so elastic, after a while, your skin cannot bounce back. I am 38 years old, and I feel that I look in my 50’s. Logically, I know that’s probably not true. People tell me it’s not true. But it’s also the people who always told me I’m not “fat”. It’s also the same people who told me “You have a great personality” – which for future reference, that’s you telling them they are ugly.

I would do the surgery again. Sometimes I wish I had done it 15 years ago – when I thought about it the first time. But I honestly believed I could get the weight off myself. It wasn’t until I start dating TheBoyfriend that I realized I was doing the correct things – my body wasn’t. It also helped talking to co-workers (which is another conversation that people have I don’t understand) after they started watching what I consumed on a daily basis. I never lied to them. Didn’t fake what I was eating at home. But when you drink water or eat a cucumber and your blood sugar hits 500 – something isn’t working correctly. Did I ever have a doctor tell me this? No. Because they always said the same thing, “you need exercise and drink more water”. Remember that time I was drinking so much water on a daily basis that I ended up getting hospitalized because my body couldn’t get the amount I drank out? Then was followed up with having kidney disease and heart disease? I’m sure I’ve mentioned that. If not, I was drinking SEVEN GALLONS of water a day && still had doctors tell me I needed to drink more. That was their way through everything. Exercise && water. That will fix everything.

I started noticing things. All the small things I was ignoring. When I was hospitalized in 2021 is when it hit me – hard – like a cement brick to the face – I have to do something. I started listening to my body. It’s cues. The small things it would do or wouldn’t do. In 2021 is when I decided that I don’t have much of a choice – I have to do this surgery or I’m going to be the second girlfriend he buries before he is 40. && let’s be honest, I wasn’t/am not ready to die. I still have things to do/accomplish.

But it’s been a year. One year.

Journey Update #1

I can’t sleep.

Which wouldn’t really surprise anyone that knows me. Sometimes I can lay down && just fall asleep, other times, not so much. Tonight is “other nights”.

Wandering around the house I remembered I haven’t updated y’all on my journey so far. So, let’s do that.

Today is April 17, 2025 – it has been five months and four days since having the surgery – 155 days. I have lost 81 pounds. The first three months I lost 60 pounds – knowing I have only lost 20 pounds in two months makes me sad. I don’t know if this is normal.

I’m on a DS Support Group on Facebook – my surgeons office told me to join one. Everyone will post that in six months they pulled off 120 or more pounds. It makes me wonder if I’m doing something incorrectly.

But let’s talk about the positive:
1. I’m off all diabetes medications. My A1C went from 8.7 to 5.3 by month three.
2. When I had the surgery, I was on seven different blood pressure meds. Today, I’m on one.
3. I can walk without getting winded.
4. I fit in my car. (Technically, I fit in my car before, but there was no gap between me && the steering wheel.) I was driving today && for a moment though I feel small in my car.
5. I have been able to buy clothes from Wal-Mart. Last time I remember doing that I was about 19. After that, my weight went up causing me to only buy from Woman Within (plus size clothing store online for anyone wondering). After I started the job, I have now, I gained more weight. What else are you supposed to do when having a sit-down job? The answer to that – eat. After I started dating boyfriend I gained more weight. I don’t think I meant to, but it happened. So, the idea of buying clothes in a store just left. I have bought shorts && shirts from Wal-Mart && that made me happy.
6. People are always telling me I can see the difference. So, there must be a difference, right?
7. I haven’t weighed under 250 pounds in… goodness, I can’t remember when I weighed it. Maybe when Boyfriend && I first started dating back in 2014? Possibly.

I don’t see the difference. All I see is the fat around my waist. (No, I’m not making it up, there is still fat there.) I can feel the thinning of my hair && see it when I brush my hair. I caught a glimpse of my reflection today… my face looks the same. But I wonder… will my face change? I know when people lose weight their face slims, but even when I was younger && weighed 205 pounds, my face was fat. Possibly kid fat face? But it was fat. Maybe I’ll just be one of those chunky faced people.

The DS Support group has stated many times that once you hit six months, that’s your biggest weight loss. After that, you’ll lose slower and not very much more. I really wanted to be 120 pounds down at six months. Where did I get these numbers? Out of a hat, possibly, but I’m not going to hit it. One of the ladies in the group said that I’m probably going to hit 150 pounds – when? && do I want to weigh 150 pounds? According to my height, on the BMI chart, I’ll still be considered overweight. Everything says I need to weigh 110 to 125 pounds.

Even when I was a kid, I never wanted to weigh 110 to 125 pounds. I still don’t.

I think I have mentioned my goal before. My first goal was to reach when my driver’s license said – because you know, I have never told the truth. It was 276 pounds. Then I just wanted to get under 250 pounds. I have technically done that, but I keep bouncing between 248 && 253 pounds. One day I’ll be on the lower side, then two days later I’ll be over 250.

I would also like to mention in that DS Support group they said when they do the surgery, they remove the part of your system that tells you that you’re hungry. That you’ll never “feel hungry”, but you need to eat anyways. Okay… hear me out… I think he left mine in. Because I do feel hunger. My stomach will growl. && I know that because right now my stomach is growling, but it’s 11:09 PM && I don’t think I should be eating again. I wake up every morning… EVERY. MORNING. I wake up hungry. Stomach growling. Tumble rumbles. I first thought it was gas, because that comes with it. But I realized a few days in… that’s hungry.

I’m 37 years old. && until I had this surgery, I didn’t know what “feeling hungry” felt like. I never gave my system enough time to feel hungry. My inability to stay away from food, or my need to eat when I felt weird… kept me from feeling it.

Carbs don’t bother me. Pasta. Rice. Breaded foods. (Don’t think I’m eating that day in && day out, I don’t. I haven’t had pasta since November – I had rice the other night at a Mexican restaurant.) Know what bothers me? SUGAR.

I made a cake the other night for my work peeps. I tasted the icing to make sure it was decent tasting. Oh. My. Goodness. My stomach hurt all night. Mind you, before you get all judge mental, even before the surgery, I rarely ate sugar. Stop giving me that look. You know the look. The look people give fat people when they say I don’t eat/drink sugar. because it’s automatically a lie, right? How else would I have gotten fat?

One word. Ramen.

When I learned to cook ramen noodles in the microwave, it was downhill from there.

Oh, I lied up there. I have eaten pasta since November. That’s how I know it doesn’t bother me. I will make ramen broth – most of the time I’ll take the packets out && toss the noodles (boyfriend don’t eat them so I have no need to keep them), but every now && again, I’ll crumble the noodles and add about a handful of them. It’s rare, though.

I just want to keep it real. No lies. Just honesty.

Do I think that’s what my issue is when it comes to losing slow? I don’t know. Is it something medical? I don’t know. I know at my third month appointment the dietician mentioned weight loss shots. Here’s the thing – I had this surgery so I wouldn’t be on shots for the rest of my life. I still don’t want to me. My issue right now?

I don’t want to be fat when I get married in July.

But honestly, I feel like I will be. && that makes me sad.

Welcome to 2025!

Happy New Year!

It’s been a little bit, I think I began an entry a few weeks ago, but I never finished it. Then forgot. So, I haven’t posted in a bit. That’s okay.

It’s 2025, January, and here I sit. Normally I would do a recap of the previous year and tell what my resolutions are, but let’s be serious, no one ever keeps their resolutions – so, why make them?

I will at least update on my progress. It has been two months and three days since surgery. I have lost 49 pounds. A BMI change of 8.9 – which the paperwork they gave me at preop says in three months I should be down 10 points on the BMI charts. I guess I’m just grooving along.

Luckly, I haven’t had any complications. I prayed hard before surgery not to have complications – that was my biggest fear. I read stories of individuals who have had this surgery previously and they talk about all of their issues. One – that a lot seem to have – is puking for the first 4 months, every time they eat. Or having foods that they try not settle well and they end up with excruciating pains from gas. I have been lucky so far, I will say so far, I’m only two months in, but I haven’t had anything horrible. I have had raw vegetables and cooked – they settle well. A lot of people talk about lettuce and cabbage not settling well and that they give them horrible gas pains – I did get gas from the cabbage, but let’s be honest here – y0u and me both get gassy from cabbage.

I think if I pick any type of issue that I have would have to be not hitting protein or water on my days off. You’d think being at home it would be easier to hit but for some reason I am more religious about stuff at work. I have put a lot of reminders on my cell phone for “drink water”, “vitamins”, && “protein drinks”. So far, they have been working.

I would like to say that I am going to write more this year, but I attempted that last year. && as y’all know, that didn’t work. Although, I did a wonderful job starting out last year but then fell off the wagon.

I think if I pick any resolutions this year would be to write more, read more and not get overwhelmed with planning my wedding. Yeah! That’s this year. July of this year! Right now, every time I think about it I feel like my head is going to explode because I have never done this.

I have never helped anyone plan a wedding.
I never had thoughts about a wedding because I didn’t think I would be getting married.

The only things I have made decisions about is who is making the cupcakes, the officiant (which is going to get ordained just for us), the DJ, the food, and the location. That seems like a lot, but now it’s to the part that involves money – the only thing I am close to having is the money for the DJ.

&& I still kind of, sort of, a little bit of me, wants to turn this blog into a food blog. Even if the other day I told Boyfriend that people don’t make the money off food blogs anymore because it is so popular to do. The only question I ask myself, will I do a huge life story before I put anything about the food?

People do that.

Journey Restarted: Part Five

I haven’t talked about the journey much lately. Mostly because for a bit I was irritated. Every, all at once, seemed to want to stop me.

I have yet to have the surgery. Yes, I’m aware I said June. But they needed a cardiologist to sign off. I was able to go to the new one in June – then had to wait for tests he wanted me to do. Now that they are all finished – they are willing to sign off. I called the weight loss people && explained that to them. Told them to fax the paperwork over to the cardiologist’s office && that they’d sign off.

That was a week ago.

Journey Restarted: Part 2

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

I don’t want to look at it like a challenge. But at the same time, I know there will be challenges included into it. My biggest challenge in the next six months will be the weight loss surgery. I know I will be great && do just fine, but there will be challenges.

Right now, I am just zooming through the objectives I have to accomplish before I can even have surgery. I went to the first of three dietician appointments this month. She basically said the same thing the last one did – although, I was a little surprised to see that it wasn’t the same dietician as it was last year. && good news! She didn’t yell at me. She wants me to walk daily, for thirty minutes, to get in the habit because I’ll need to do so after surgery. One of the first things that you lose is muscle mass, so I have to be on top of that. What else did we talk about?

Last week I had the appointment with the, pardon me for what I call it, crazy doctor. This was the same one I spoke to in 2022 when I started the first journey. She asked the same questions and was excited about the same things when I talked about them. Mostly, the fact that I love to cook – she said that is one step in the right direction. She does have a lot of faith in me though. She said she can see me doing really well at this journey && has no worries about approving me to do it.

Next month will be my second of third dietician visits, && then I have a few more things I have to do. But I’m just cruising right along so far.