Tag: blogging

The Right Direction.

I feel like I’m going in the right direction when it comes to getting back in the groove of writing.

I read a lot of authors takes on what makes them a good author and how they complete their books. The one thing that they all say “you have to write” (&& read). I know this isn’t quite what they had in mind when it comes to writing – they meant more of the whole, open word && start writing the story.

I have so many ideas in my head that I can’t make heads nor tails of most of it. There is one story I want to write – badly – but at the same time I’m not sure where to start. The other day I was reading about popular romance writers && how they start a book. One I read about said that she starts with a scene. The big scene. The IT scene. The scene the book travels to && makes a difference. Then she’ll build from that. Going backwards && to the end.

I have thought about starting at the end. Where does my story end? Why does it end like that? But when I sit down to start writing all my ideas just disappear && I’m left with nothing – which in turn makes me feel useless. I know it shouldn’t. But it does. Every. Single. Time.

But tonight I didn’t want to write a blog post. I just wanted to go to bed && forget about it. Instead, I forced myself up and into the other room to write. ((&& both rooms I have irritated the same cat. First I made him move out of my spot in bed. So he came into the computer room. Then I came in here && made him move out of my chair. He’s not happy with me.)) Like I said, I know this isn’t what any of them had in mind when they say to write – daily – but it’s a start, right?

I just need to work myself out of this slump so I can write the stories that hide in the darkness of my brain.

Headaches.

What gives you a headache just thinking about it?

Right now, everything is giving me a headache. But then again, I haven’t really felt well today, so that’s probably half of it.

The wedding is giving me a headache. Not in a bad way. I just accepted a long time ago that I wouldn’t need to really think about a wedding because who would want to marry me? As a kid that was a hard thing to accept but when you hit about 25, && no one really shows an interest, and a lot of your family basically has accepted they have to take care of you for the rest of time because you’ll be alone – you learn to accept it.

But here it is. 36 years OLD, && I’m looking at getting married. && I’m not one of those girls that has thought about it all their life. You know, once you accept you’ll never get married you stop thinking about it. I feel like I’m running blind. I know I have people in my life that would be willing to assist me in planning it, but at the same time, I’m… some would say I’m weird. Some of the things I want I’m not sure they’d understand until they actually see it happen. Then it will makes sense. But getting to that point.

I have made a few decisions but the hardest one will always be where && how much I’m willing to spend. That && if I even want a full blown wedding. I’ve mentioned it before – maybe elope && then have a party.

I would say I still have so much time to figure it out, but I don’t. If I’m having an actual wedding, && will have to pay for a space to have it at, I need to figure it out very soon – I’ll need to save the money for it.

Cat Babies.

Bloganuary writing prompt
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
View all responses

If I had to pick one thing, && only one thing – I would want them to understand how much I love them.

We have accumulated a lot of cats through the years – not on purpose – some are strays, some are babies of a stray that we thought was a boy who turned out to be a girl cat && now we call her Mommy Bean. Some of them irritate the snot out of me – because you know, they are cats. But at the same time, I love them so much.

I think I’ve mentioned how before I would actually chuckle at people who told me their pets were like children to them. Because who could feel like that? && up until Dotty was born, &&& I fell in love with her, I didn’t think it was possible. But I did. I fell for that Siamese cat like it was something I do all the time.

I’ve had pets before Dotty. I had a cat when I was 15, Kitty Kittie (it’s all she’d answer to), but when I lost her it didn’t hit me like it did Dotty’s death. It’s been almost a year and I still miss her so much. Still cry. Still miss her trying to smother my head. 

When I lost her I didn’t want the other cats anymore. Because it hurt my heart to look at them. Horrible, yes, I know. But Lucci, Dotty’s Uncle – he knew I was hurting and sad because he was trying to do what Dotty used to do. Lucci, I love that cat && I hope he knows just how much I love him. I hope Dotty knew how much I loved her. Because I did. I loved her way too much. 

My brother && I have always said that we were going to get a really big piece of land && put houses on it together. I told him I was still down for it. But I can’t now. I buried her in this yard && I refuse to leave her again. I guess if I win the lottery I’ll just have to buy out this road.

To Be Read…

What book are you currently reading?

“The New House” by Tess Stimson.

I think I’m about 24% done with it. I’m having trouble getting in to it. I’m hoping that I can find the sweet spot in the book where I can’t put it down. But I’m up to a week of trying to read it.

Stacey and Felix are the glamorous owners of the stylish, modern Glass House, with its pool and floor-to-ceiling windows. Now they’re downsizing, but Stacey can’t sell to just anyone. She needs the right buyer, who will keep her secrets.

Millie and Tom have always imagined living in the Glass House. Now it’s for sale. With property prices booming, if they can sell quickly, it could be theirs. But are the house and its charming owners all they seem?

Harper and Kyle are moving up in the world. They need a new house, in the right school district, to give their children the start in life they never had. Millie and Tom’s is perfect. It’ll take every penny they have, and more, but it’ll be worth it. Won’t it?

When one of the sales falls through, how far will someone go to get everything they’ve always wanted?

See? It sounds intriguing so hopefully I just haven’t gotten to the good parts yet. I will keep you updated.

Do you splurge?

My favorite splurge or indulgence is…

For anyone who knows me it’s not really that hard to figure it out. 

I don’t really “splurge” (unless you count books that I tend to buy all the time – && I just realized that I bought the same book twice, boo on me), but I do indulge – in Chinese food. 🤪 I think it’s mostly a comfort thing. When I was younger, before my mom passed away, that’s where her, my brother && I would go when we snuck away. 

The problem with some of the questions people give you, whether it is through WordPress, or this book – once you answer the question you don’t really have much else to say. You write the question down, answer it with a sentence or two, && you’re done. But is that really a noteworthy blog?

Maybe a line or two is fine for one && I just need to get over not being able to answer a question with five or more paragraphs. Although, some questions I do have a bit to say for it, but not this one.

Day 19 of January, 2024

I don’t feel like…

The question of the day is “What challenges are are you currently facing”?

&& in all honesty, other than this house && figuring out wedding stuff – I don’t feel like I’m facing any real challenges. 

Well, I guess a challenge I’m having right at this moment – writing my daily blog. I almost said to heck with it && just went to bed – it’s 6:57 PM (I have to get up at 3 AM) – but I dragged myself out and into this room to type. I guess I just don’t have much to say or maybe the words aren’t there tonight.

I think I might just be tired. I usually am. But will I be able to lay down && go straight to sleep? Never.

Sometimes I wish I had actual content to write about. Something to say everyday. I feel like when I was younger I had more to say, even if it was cringe. (That’s what the hipsters say, right?) But as an adult… am I an adult? I feel like I have a lot to say, but at the same time, I feel like some of my thoughts are worthless. Who wants to read that? (Shout out to the ones who do read && like daily. You’re appreciated more than you know.)

I guess for now I’ll stop trying to pull words out of my butt.

Obsessed.

I am currently obsessed with…

…two things, actually.

  1. Finding an affordable place to have my wedding next year.
  2. The Floor! && when I say the floor, I’m not talking about my house floors – there is a gameshow hosted by Rob Lowe that I’m loving.

I have been googling a lot lately trying to find something I like that I can afford. I tell Boyfriend all the time that I’m a little on the bougie side && looking at these places I’m starting to see just how bougie I really am. I have found a couple I really like but I can’t afford to just blow nearly $6,000 on a venue for one night. Especially when I can use that money to do better things – you know, like fix my house. (We are working on that slowly.)

I have thought about saying to heck with it && eloping. Find me a judge, courthouse, take a couple people && just be done with it. But at the same time, I know there are people who actually want to be there. So, I think, how mad will people be if I don’t invite everyone who has shown interest in it – will they get over it? Then I wonder also, how much do I really care? Some of the people who has shown interest in going I barely see. Or never see. I think they are after free booze, which I will not be having. I don’t drink, so why have it? 

I’ve also been giving thought to having a very small wedding – get like a small chapel for $100 – then get a venue just to party! Invite the masses to the party to celebrate us getting married rather than being at the wedding itself. Because then I could just do a judge marriage and then have everyone go to the party afterwards.

Weddings are expensive. Where if I can just find a small chapel somewhere for a couple hundred dollars, I could spend a little bit on a venue (I found one for $500) – serve some finger foods, or pizza, or something. Soda’s && teas.

I have a lot to think about. Boyfriend mentioned just going to Vegas, but honestly, googling that – it’s not really that much cheaper to go there. Plus, you have to add in the money to drive there.

THE FLOOR! I’m telling you what! I had seen a preview of it on Facebook && thought I would give it a shot, why not? Right? I love gameshows. I wasn’t sure, just by previews, if I’d like it. So I waited for a day the Boyfriend && I were both off and I turned it on (I watch it using Hulu). && boy, let me tell you! I was hooked from episode one. The only thing I’m not liking is the fact I have to wait weeks to watch it. I’m up to date with it and now I have to wait until next Wednesday to watch the fourth episode.

Questions with no answers.

What is the biggest question you’ve asked yourself lately?

My question is always the same thing normally – what do I want out of life?

As of right now, I’m unable to answer it completely. I know I want happiness and peace of mind – like most people. But after that? What do I want to follow that?

I will say this much, I’m in a much better mood today. Kind of. I’m still kind of cranky – but I will move passed it. We went && bought the toilet today and while we were there we bought some wood – it’s not a fix-fix – more of a patch job, but we’ll be doing that also. I say “we”.. I’m not going to be doing it.. Boyfriend will be patching the floor tomorrow while I’m at work.

That’s something I want out of life. A whole floor.
A house I don’t have to be mad at all the time.
A house I am not sitting around waiting for it to fall over.
To win the lottery. 😁😁😁😁😁 (My grandfather always told me you can’t win if you don’t play. I don’t play – so I can’t win.)

New && Great Things.

What is the newest thing you’ve tried?

I have been sitting here for nearly three hours just staring at the computer screen looking at this question. I had all intentions of writing a fantastic blog && being so proud. But between the time I sat down && began staring at this screen up until right now, 6:21 PM, my mood was went from okay to sh*t.

Story time that has nothing to do with the daily question.

Every winter my house freezes. Last year our front bathroom toilet decided to explode – so we turned the water off, went to Home Depot, and fixed the issue. This year, everything froze, including the toilet bowl in the bathroom connected to our bedroom. (Although, side note, I did find the toilet leak we’ve had for a bit. It froze too.) All of the sinks froze except for the hot water in the kitchen. My kitchen floor has ice on it, like water got on it, and it froze – we’re guessing it’s from the dish washer. 

Tonight, our toilet broke. && when I say our toilet broke, I’m talking that the bottom of it is now sitting on the floor underneath it && the floor is wet because of the water that was in the bowl. Guess what we have to do tomorrow that we can’t really afford? Yeah, that’s right, I have to go buy a whole new toilet && hope that there is enough floor to install it. 

What do I mean by “have enough floor”? Well, if you haven’t been here very long, let me explain. So when we moved into this house the two b*tches that lived here (I hope they see this once again) told us that there was nothing wrong with this house. Everything was great! Every. Sing. Word out of their mouth was a lie. I guess that’s what happens when you decide to leave state. Our bathroom floor fell through about two months into living here && I haven’t had the money to fix it. Know what that means? Since 2019, my bathroom has had no floor. None.

Now our laundry room has no floor. The roof leaks. Every single floor in this house has a hole in it.. at least one. If not more. I’m sorry, for the ones who’ve been here for a while, I know I talk about this a lot but I’m angry. This was supposed to me our dream home. Our safe haven. But it’s turned out to be a disaster && I wish I hadn’t bought it. I wish I had stayed in the apartment we were living in that we were paying $1350 a month for.

I was so excited to finally have something that was mine. I could do anything I wanted here. But I didn’t think I would need to fix the floors. But it gets better – around the same time as the floors fell through – our central heat && air broke. Know what that means? Yeah, you guessed it, we freeze or burn up. There is no in between. 

You know they told me they just had the air unit fixed. Updated. But it broke after we moved in. They said they just roofed the house. There are at least three leaks that I can’t afford to fix.

I need to win the lottery. I need something. I just need a break. Sorry for the sappy, poor me post, I’m just sad tonight. Hopefully tomorrow’s will be written on a brighter note.