Gods Library

Walking through Wal-Mart parking lot. I see a bumper sticker that said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, God’s already there”.

Which got me to thinking.

I tell people a lot that He already has a book written of your life – so He knows what’s happening tomorrow. Then started thinking about what His library would look like. 📖

Photo Credit goes to Nemanja Sekulic.

He said he used photoshop to do this with a picture of his dad in the middle.

Books.

I think I have realized that I may like books a lot of people don’t like.

I finished the Colleen Hoover book, “It Ends with Us”, yesterday. When I was scrolling through the comments about it on Goodreads, I realized a lot of people didn’t like the book. They called the book && author toxic because she didn’t add a “trigger warning” to the book. Apparently, according to the comments left, she didn’t want to add a trigger warning to it but what I’ve read from what she has said about the book, she hasn’t tried to play it off as anything other than what it is. That’s half the reason I read it.

I really enjoyed “It Ends with Us” – but I liked the backstory of Lily & Atlas more than Lily & Ryle. I mean, other than the obvious reason, I liked the journal entries that had to do with Atlas, their story was greater in my opinion than that of Ryle.

So, when I heard that “It Starts with Us” about Lily & Atlas, of course I want to read it. I went and added it to my “reading” section of Goodreads, and out of curiosity I was scrolling through the comments of the book. Reviews, if you will. Most of them say the same thing “why does this book exist?” – which seems harsh to me. Apparently, it exists because people wanted her to write it. Why ask her to write something then bash the book? I don’t know… a lot of the other comments were about how they don’t like Colleen Hoover and cannot understand why they or anyone else reads anything written by Colleen Hoover. Honestly, people seem to enjoy her books. Do I like Tessa Bailey more than Colleen Hoover? Yes, I do. But that’s just the slutty part of my brain.

Colleen Hoover does the “use your imagination on the fun parts”. Tessa Bailey goes into more detail. But other than that, their writing is similar.

Either way. I’m going to read “It Starts with Us” && see what I think about it. If I read it like I did the first one, I’ll be done tomorrow && I’ll let you know if this book should exist or not. I’m hoping for the best.

&& Here We Go.

I’m struggling tonight on what to write about. Been sitting in bed thinking – I just cannot seem to think of anything.

I finally finished reading “The New House” by Tessa Stimson. It basically finished the way I figured it would, but I was hoping it wouldn’t. I wanted more for that character. It was a tough read. I got to 35% read before it began getting good. Once I hit the ‘good spot’ I was able to read through the rest. So if you read it, don’t give up. (I had to read six novellas to actually finish it).

Today I started reading “It Ends With Us” by Colleen Hoover. I’m half way through it right now. I should finish it tomorrow if not Saturday then I will start the second one.

I guess since my brain is bad I tonight I’m just going to curl up in bed while I Love Lucy plays in the background to get some sleep. I have work tomorrow.

The Right Direction.

I feel like I’m going in the right direction when it comes to getting back in the groove of writing.

I read a lot of authors takes on what makes them a good author and how they complete their books. The one thing that they all say “you have to write” (&& read). I know this isn’t quite what they had in mind when it comes to writing – they meant more of the whole, open word && start writing the story.

I have so many ideas in my head that I can’t make heads nor tails of most of it. There is one story I want to write – badly – but at the same time I’m not sure where to start. The other day I was reading about popular romance writers && how they start a book. One I read about said that she starts with a scene. The big scene. The IT scene. The scene the book travels to && makes a difference. Then she’ll build from that. Going backwards && to the end.

I have thought about starting at the end. Where does my story end? Why does it end like that? But when I sit down to start writing all my ideas just disappear && I’m left with nothing – which in turn makes me feel useless. I know it shouldn’t. But it does. Every. Single. Time.

But tonight I didn’t want to write a blog post. I just wanted to go to bed && forget about it. Instead, I forced myself up and into the other room to write. ((&& both rooms I have irritated the same cat. First I made him move out of my spot in bed. So he came into the computer room. Then I came in here && made him move out of my chair. He’s not happy with me.)) Like I said, I know this isn’t what any of them had in mind when they say to write – daily – but it’s a start, right?

I just need to work myself out of this slump so I can write the stories that hide in the darkness of my brain.

Revelations.

What have you recently had a revelation about?

I tell you hwat! I’m not liking the last couple days of questions. Hopefully they begin to get better. So another rambling post.

I finished the book I was reading today. && I thoroughly enjoyed it. Had a few cracks about white people in it, but honestly, the cracks weren’t too far off. I think I’m really starting to enjoy thrillers / mysteries. I don’t know what it was about “Almost Surely Dead” by Amina Akhtar, but duuuuuuuuuuude! If you’re in a reading slump I advise you to purchase this book. It’ll pull you straight out of it.

I started another, “The New House” by Tessa Stimson. A friend of mine is in a book club, which I’ve secretly always wanted to be in one, && she added me to their Facebook page – which I accepted. This month they picked this book to read so I’m quietly reading it myself. Why not? It was $0.99 for the Kindle book. I’m not very far into it, when I started reading it I was at work && it was shift change, so it got loud. Figured I’ll read some on it tomorrow – or possibly tonight if I don’t pass out quickly.

Today is Friday, I still haven’t heard back from the weight loss people. I remember when I first sent them a message about getting in with them it took them two weeks – so do I give them two weeks or call back Monday – wait, Monday is a Holiday – Tuesday? We got take out tonight for dinner because we were going to be out late. Boyfriend wanted pizza, so as we were walking into Dominoes to grab his stuff we had to walk by Catos. I sighed at the sight of it and just thought about how I am ready to be able to purchase clothes inside of a store. The last time I was able to do that I was nineteen. Since then it’s been online clothes with hopes that it actually fits.

I’m trying to think if I have anything else to ramble about before I log off && go to bed.

I think I’ve talked myself into beginning a new story. I don’t know if I will finish it or get irritated and toss the notebook out a window. But I’m going to attempt to begin something. I have had a few ideas that I really liked, I just have to get my brain straight so I can write. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes.

Counting..

Who can you count on the most in your life right now?

Logically, I’m smarter than to answer this in a public blog. Why? People in my life read this – they automatically think why can’t she count on me? && it wouldn’t matter who I put down as the people I can count on the most. I could say the Pope, && someone in my life would get butt hurt.

So let’s ramble a little instead. So I started a book called “Almost Surely Dead” by Amina Akhtar. I got it off Amazon for free this month, which I didn’t know was a thing. Let’s just say, I’m obsessed with this book. I read a review on Goodreads that said “this book helped me out of a reading slump”. I first thought, no way will it work. Dude! I can’t tell you enough how much I’m enjoying this book. I’m about half way through with it right now && I can’t wait to find out what happens && why it happened. I think I have figured everything out and BAM! I was wrong. But of course, that is what the author wanted.

I still haven’t wrote anything other than a daily blog post. It’s still something, right? Maybe a little more writing will help. Maybe a little more reading will help.

I called the weight loss doctor on Monday to set up an appointment to start the journey over. However, it’s Thursday, && they still haven’t called me back. When I called them I stayed on hold for thirty minutes – it was around 4 PM when I called them. After the thirty minutes they said they’ve been on the phone with insurance, which I do know takes a bit, && that they’d call me back. I haven’t heard anything as of yet. I’m hoping they haven’t given up on me. I had started the journey last year with them but money became an issue so I paused. Started talking to a different surgeon about going through them because my job would pay quite a bit on it, plus insurance, so it would be basically free. Free is good, right? However, even free isn’t enough when the dietician did nothing but yell at me every time we spoke.

Why’d she yell? They wanted me to lose 37 pounds, which doesn’t seem like a lot of weight, because it’s honestly not. However, with all of the meds I’m on (insulin included) I’m having a very hard time losing weight. Trust me, if I could, I wouldn’t be looking into the surgery. I need help! But all the dietician wanted to do was yell and scream. Which honestly, I thought I was making that up. I can be pretty sensitive. After one month I went into the living room where Boyfriend was and he asked me what the yelling was about? He had heard her yelling from three rooms over. That’s when I decided I didn’t want to go through them. So him && I talked && we figured out the money. Now, I’m just waiting for them to call me back. Hopefully they do soon so I can get the ball rolling again.

Dreams: Do they come true?

What do you think it will take to make your dreams come true?

I have always been curious if the “American Dream” is true? && is it only for people who weren’t born over here? I know that sounds horrible to even say, but sometimes I feel if you were born in America we don’t have the “American Dream” because we’re already American. But I guess that’s for a different day.

What do I think I need to make my dreams come true? Depends on which dream we are talking about. I don’t know if it’s normal for one person to have a couple dreams. But we’ll break each one down.

Writing/Publish a Book: We all knew this was going to be number one. It’s the dream I have had since I was in fifth grade when I started writing to begin with. I know what it’ll take, I don’t have to give it much thought. I have to get out of my head. Being stuck inside of your own head is a dangerous place to be. && that’s what holds me back a lot. I worry too much about what people will think of my writing instead of realizing that I’m a better writer than what I see in my head.

I need to stop being so scared of people reading what I write. Yes, I know I write in this. But this writing seems different in my head than writing a story. && technically it is. This is me just typing out thoughts and putting them on a screen. A story has to have plots, and ideas, and follow through, and understanding, and great characters. That’s what scares me. You know, to this day, only one person has fully read Frost from start to finish.
Making money from this blog: I know it’s possible for people to make a side hustle using their blog. There are things called “Mommy Blogs”, “Food Blogs”, “Book Blogs”. But they have the one thing I don’t. A theme. A reason to write a blog. I have been writing a blog on and off since I was seventeen. SEVEN. TEEN. That’s been nearly 20 years of me writing a blog && I have a following on here of less than 300. I’m about 75% sure it’s because I have no theme.

I have thought about turning it into a book blog. Writing about books I read and what I thought of them && if I recommend them. I shot that thought away when I realized that I don’t read enough to do that. I read a lot – usually – if I’m not in a slump, however, I get in slumps a lot.

I gave travel food blogger a thought for about three minutes. Then I realized I don’t travel – so I thought, what about just food? I know food blogs are interesting if written by the correct person, but I’m pretty sure no one wants to read about what I cook for dinner every night. Plus, I’m not sure if I’d have enough content for it. Also, uploading pictures on here is a headache.

I’m not a mommy so mommy blog is out the window. I am an Aunt, but no one writes an Aunt Blog. That’s silly.

So it’s left me blank. Which is what has brought me to where I’m at today. Just a blog about whatever I can think of writing about. Maybe I’ll write about a book that I enjoyed reading or maybe I come across a recipe that really stuck out or possible I liked a kitchen gadget really well && I want to talk about that. Maybe a drink I can’t live without, or a new product I found that made me smile. Do I think this idea will ever bring me to making money off of it? No, I don’t. Because if I haven’t in that last 20 years, I doubt it’ll start now. So the blog itself, I guess, is more for me. But trust me, if you like it, please follow & share && enjoy.
Cooking/Food Truck: I haven’t had this dream as long as the writing side of me. I didn’t start cooking until I was 15 && that was out of necessity. Fifteen is when I lost my mother which left me, my dad && brother. I didn’t want to live on bologna sandwiches for the rest of my life, so I began to learn to cook. However, I didn’t begin to enjoy cooking until I was nineteen. That’s when I started reading cookbooks, and watching cooking shows, and coming up with my own recipes.

So the food truck / traveling blogger dream didn’t appear until it was way to late to really do much with cooking. There are so many programs out there for younger people who enjoy cooking – however, once you hit eighteen, just like any other profession, you are screwed.

But to get that dream – I need money. I could be the best cook in the state of Oklahoma, but without money, or a backer, you don’t have anyway of starting up a food business. I think I could make money off this blog before I could get a food truck. To be a traveling food blogger you need money. I’m not going to be one of those people who travel somewhere then tell the people “you let me have this for free because I’m a blogger && it’ll bring you more business.” && yes, people do that. && if you do that, && you’re reading this – STOP IT. Pay the businesses like the rest of the people && if you like it then tell your followers that you liked it && they can go enjoy it themselves by paying the businesses. && go for small businesses. They need it a lot more than some huge butt chain of butt people. No one likes butt people.

So, here I sit. Daily. Writing in this blog. Hoping inspiration hits && I don’t have to only write these daily prompts out of this book. Remember, if you like this topic, write it in yours but attach my blog to it. && if you’re curious about the book, “A 5 Year Question A Day? Memory Journal” – I bought it at Wal-Mart. (&& no, if you click the link I will get nothing from it.) But that’s the book I keep getting the prompts out of. If you buy it && start using them – somehow credit me. Bring me the views. ❤️

Day Six.

What do you need to make more time for?

I feel like this question is asked a lot to people && they usually say the same thing: “I need to make more time for myself.” && in some sense, that’s what I need to do. But it’s more about doing things I like versus making more time for myself.

I feel like the ones who say “I need more time for myself” is talking about making new routines, or just sitting around for themselves. I want to find a peace I haven’t felt in a long time when it comes to things I enjoy doing. Things that make me happy. I don’t want to find a way to make myself happy, I know what makes me happy already. I just need to go back to it.

Reading makes me happy. Every now && again I’ll get in reading slumps which at times can be really hard to get out of. I’m in one right now. I carry around two books all the time: “The Witcher: The Last Wish” by Andrzej Sapkowski && “Wreck The Halls” by Tessa Bailey. I go to pick one of them up && I can’t just read it. I do this. I want to get back to where I was when I didn’t get in slumps. That I could pick up any book && either read it or not.

Writing makes me happy. Since I technically finished “Frost” completely I haven’t written a single thing. I can’t even write a paragraph that makes sense. I have so many thoughts of things to write about, but when I sit down to write all I draw is complete blanks. Some of the ideas would make great novels. But they just sit in my brain. Doing nothing but taking up space. These blogs I’ve written the last few weeks is the most I’ve written. Maybe I’m in a writing slump too. Maybe I’m in a word slump.

Cooking makes me happy. I’m not sure why but lately I haven’t been wanting to cook. Boyfriend bought me a 12 piece Hexclad set for Christmas this year. I have used it a couple times since he bought it. I know it’s only January 6th, so it’s not like I have had it for a year, but most people who loves to cook would already be putting some mileage in it. Me? Food just hasn’t been my friend lately. Nothing sounds good – all I have wanted is soup. (Which isn’t a big deal, I get in this mood every now && again.)

I think right now I just don’t feel good. But I do know I need to find time to do the things that make me happy. Find a joy in them again. Find something that may feel like it’s missing. Maybe writing every day in this will help with my word slump I have going. Maybe it’ll help me find the passion and drive I normally have when it comes to reading, writing && cooking.

More Books.

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

Gabriel’s Inferno” by Sylvain Reynard
I have read books that I stop && think oh wow, that’s a good book. Then I have read books that I thought this isn’t very good. When I first came across “Gabriel’s Inferno”, I had just finished reading “50 Shades of Grey” (which I found out about because of Ellen D. && her talk show where she was talking about someone reading it on a plane, it’s not as funny written in words, but trust me, it was a great moment.) && I was looking for another book to read in that genre, or close to it. Keep in mind one thing, I had never read “smut”, “mommy porn”, “erotica” in my life. I was never interested, until I read “50 Shades of Grey”, which I guess a lot of woman can say that. When I first found “Gabriel’s Inferno” I got a clip of it on my Kindle to see if liked it before I actually bought it. I tried to read it and was unable. So I read a few of Sylvia Day’s books – in the same genre.

After a while of it sitting on my kindle I gave it another try – which is where my obsession with Sylvian Reynard began. When I finally sat down and read the book I realized I had been missing out on so much. I tend to read books that I feel are in my “IQ Range” and I felt that his books, all of his books, are way above my IQ. (I’m not as smart as people think I am.) I think it’s half the reason I was so hesitant to read it. But lord, let me tell you, when I finally did read it and got into it. It’s like the heaven’s opened up and I was in love.

I know a lot of people that have read this series && they all basically say the same thing: “it’s great”, “wonderfully written”, “I’m obsessed”, “I need to know who the author is”, “did he put himself into it”… it goes on & on. I read to escape, and when I first read this book I was single, and lonely. It’s like the book gave me a friend for a while. I have read that series multiple times and I will probably read it again & again.

I know this much, I’m not sure if anyone has ever said this about a book, but I’m a closet writer. (What?! Who wouldn’t have known.) But when I get into a writing slump I will pull his books out && read them. Those books give me the oompth I need to write something. It’s something small, but it’s huge for me. I hope Sylvian Reynard knows that when he wrote that series he wrote a masterpiece for some.

I know it said “book” && I did write the first one as my first book, but if you read the first you HAVE to read the whole series. Trust me on that.
“On Writing” by Stephen King.
I know this seems like a weird choice for most people. But for me it helped me in ways I wasn’t sure it would have. I bought this book because I googled books about writing a writer should read. I purchased this one and one other, that I can’t remember the name of so that says something.

When I started reading this book I was trying to keep an open mind but what was I going to learn from Stephen King? At the time of buying it I was having issues with my writing. I have written one book from start to finish && I’m not sure I even like it anymore. When I thought of the idea I was all for it but as I began writing && having trouble && having people tell me I can’t write the way I write, I realized it wasn’t fun anymore. So I hadn’t written in a while at that point.

But as I read through this book I realized that some of the things I did while writing he said it was okay. I know it’s silly to go off of one writers words, but he knows something about it, doesn’t he? I continued to read through the book and I put sticky notes through out it && I highlighted things I wanted to remember.

I have always lived with the thought that your writing must be in your voice. That way you live && the way you talk. But I have had people that attempt to correct everything that is my voice, so I started to believe it and was attempting to write in a more “smart way”. Using a thesaurus to find bigger words for the small ones I use, and using one word instead of a whole sentence. But then – when I read this book I realized that I was right. I need to keep the words to what I say and how I say it. How will people believe I’m the one that wrote it if I don’t speak the same way?

On page 174, hit me like a ton of bricks. I have trouble describing characters. I can see them in my head very well, but when I go to describe them in words, it’s as if words fail me. On this page of his book it helped me a lot:

“I’m not particularly keen on writing which exhaustively describes the physical characteristics of the people in the story and what they’re wearing (I find wardrobe inventory particularly irritating; if I want to read descriptions of clothes, I can always get a J. Crew catalogue). I can’t remember how many cases where I felt I had to describe what the people in a story of mine looked like-I’d rather let the reader supply the faces, the builds and the clothing as well. If I tell you that Carrie White is a high school outcast with a bad complexion and a fashion-victim wardrobe, I think you can do the rest, can’t you?”

Summing this up because I could talk forever – this book helped me realize that my writing isn’t as bad as some people like to tell me. && using smaller words, because that’s how I talk, isn’t a bad thing. That I can go without a full description of characters, leaving something to imagination, if I want to. It made me realize that I need to stop beating myself up everything I attempt to write something just because one person tells me I can’t do that. Plus, he didn’t like his first book either. So there’s that.
We will leave this one blank for now…
I know I have talked about a lot of different books. They all mean something to me in one way or another, but to have an impact on me I feel like I shouldn’t question it at all. I was thinking through the books I have read, and I can question all of them, minus the first two.

So for now, I’ll leave the third blank. I’ll be able to fill the slot one day. So many more books to read.

Worlds.

Trying to break into worlds is hard.

No, this isn’t about me trying to find a way into another galaxy or proving that there is life in space. What I’m stating, is facts, that when you try to break into worlds it’s hard.

The writing community is huge. A lot of book worms, writers, authors, agents, editors, etc. && trying to get welcomed into it is like trying to sit at the popular table in high school. Sadly, I was never invited.

I have never been good at popularity contests && I wasn’t part of the “in crowd” && thinking that the writing community makes me feel like that is a harsh reality. I honestly know it’s not a popularity contest… but I feel like that. I also feel if you don’t have the money to spend you’ll never be published.

I figured the best way for an unknown is to publish it myself. Which is totally fine – I don’t mind doing the hard work. But I really wanted a professional editor to read through it, find the errors but unless I can poop out nearly $3,000 that will never happen. &&& I know they are worth the money, I just don’t have it to spend.

Then I think ‘okay, let’s skip the professional editing.’ Knowing that it’s self published, “most” readers will look over a lot of them. I will just edit the crap out of it.

Next hurdle. To self-publish, you need extra money. Thousands. I found a company that helps self publish but as I began reading I realized that not only do they request thousands of dollars they also keep 80¢ on every dollar for themselves so I would only get 20¢ of every dollar sold. Whereas, if I do it all myself and use Amazon, I get 70% of the royalties.

But then I think about going with my other passion but breaking into the food world is just as hard – if not harder. I guess when they say “you need money to make money” they weren’t kidding. But sadly, here I am with no money.

I did upload a couple chapters of the book. I figured if it gets enough notice that either that company will want to publish it or it shows that if I was to save the money, step-by-step it, that people would be interested in purchasing the book.