I’m a strange cook…

Or so it feels. I don’t have many things in life I am good at, but cooking is one of them. Not only that, I actually enjoy cooking – a lot. It’s something I’d do for a living if it was ever given to me. I love standing in the kitchen and chopping onions, bell peppers, or carrots. I love to make pasta, ground meat, or chicken dishes. I love finding new recipes and trying them just because I can.

But with dishes I have been making for years some think they are strange – and after talking to some people, I am starting to see just how strange they are. &&& no, I’m not talking about “eating strange foods”, I’m talking about the fact that I make foods, that everyone makes – strange.

Let’s start off slow. Tuna salad.

Everyone I know makes it differently, whether it’s because they don’t like the taste of tuna so they have to have something in it that will overpower the taste, or for some that don’t like mayo. I put the normal stuff, can tuna, mayo, pickles… But then I add onion, tomatoes, && mustard. Sometimes, if I’m feeling it, I’ll add shredded lettuce. But the one thing everyone says is weird – I add scrambled eggs. Yes! I said it. Scrambled. Eggs.

I’ve had multiple conversations with people about how they make it and they all say, “Yes, I add eggs – boiled.” Then there I sit, speechless, because it’s me against the world.

Spaghetti. Everyone I talk to tells me their spaghetti consists of pasta, sauce && meat. I usually have a weird look on my face so I get asked, “what do you put in yours?” Pasta, meat, sauce, mushrooms, black olives, red/green/yellow/orange bell peppers and onions. Mix. Mix. Mix. Top with “foot cheese”. Serve with bread. Enjoy.

I’m not worried about the fact I make food weird, it’s not a big deal to me. I’m used to it, I like my cooking. (My waist size proves that.) I guess I just don’t know where I got it from. I spoke to my grandfather before he passed this year and he said that him and my mother both used boiled eggs, and he didn’t use tomatoes (my mother did). &&& I have only met ONE other person that puts vegetables in their spaghetti.

Most people learn recipes from their family, friends (mostly, apparently, grandmother), co-workers, siblings, aunts, uncles… but me? None of the above. (According to the boyfriend, I am a self taught bad ass.) I don’t remember my mom’s cooking. The only thing I remember is that she loved to cook, but I don’t think I could really tell you one thing she could cook besides tator-tot casserole, which I do NOT put corn in. My grandmothers, well, one lived six hours away, so I wasn’t around her much, && the other… well, let’s just say that her spaghetti had a whole tub of butter in it. I don’t want to cook like her.

I find it sad that I didn’t get recipes passed down to me, but I lost my mom a lot sooner than she had anticipated, so of course she wasn’t thinking about passing recipes down to me. What 40 year old mother to a 15 && 16 year old is thinking about death? So I’m at a point in life where I do not know how to make cornbread dressing, but I figured out a recipe I like. I don’t know how to make all of the Christmas goodies (divinity, peanut brittle…), so I just don’t bring it up.

My grandfather made a wonderful potato soup that I never got the recipe to. He passed away this year, a couple months after me asking for his recipe. Then there was his chili (which I don’t know how to make) and his salsa (that was so hot I’m sure it burns off taste buds).

I did teach myself to cook. I started around the age of fifteen or sixteen. It came down to I either learn or I have to eat bologna sandwiches for the rest of my life – I didn’t find that appealing. So I started out with soups, which I burned a lot of. But my dad ate it anyway. He always ate it, no matter how gross, or burned, or unappealing it was – he ate it. For me. (I also miss him).

I didn’t have much of a start so I started watching A LOT of food network shows. &&& when I say a lot, I don’t mean that as a small amount. If I wasn’t watching SpongeBob SquarePants, I was watching some kind of food show. I have continued to watch them, even now, without cable, I watch a lot of food shows. I look up recipes and redo them to fit my taste.

That’s how I learn. But I still have no idea where I got the smart idea to put scrambled eggs in my tuna salad. Please, people out there, if you use scrambled eggs rather than boiled eggs, let me know.

Am I a Cliché?

I’ve been feeling weird the last few months. && the one thing that has plagued my mind the most is whether or not I’m just an average cliché or not. I know it’s silly to think of yourself like but it’s there. Floating around in my brain.

Since I was about eighteen I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. What is it that I WANT to be – to do. I can always remember being younger and wanting to be in the medical field, help people – but once I lost my mother my mood shifted and I didn’t want to deal with the pain of telling their loved ones that I lost their person. So I’ve been trying to figure it out ever since.

But now I feel as if I may just be another cliché.

I can always remember having the love for writing – which isn’t a big secret if you know me. I remember writing my very first poem in school then spending years writing poems (I no longer have any of them, which is probably a good thing) before I slowly moved into writing short stories and then began my first novel.

But why is that making me feel like I do?

I’ve noticed lately that EVERYONE is a writer. If they don’t have a career path, any idea what they want out of life, or are stay-at-home mom’s – they are automatically a writer. They keep blogs, posting daily, write stories that they share with people, and self-publish novels that they write in about a week.

If they are not “writers” they are ‘chefs’ or ‘photographers’. *SIDE NOTE: I’m not bashing writers, chefs or photographers &&& you’ll see why as you read on.*

My second love is cooking and secretly, deep down inside, I would love to open a restaurant. Third love – photography. I even bought an EOS Rebel 35 MM camera when I was eighteen thinking that I will become a photographer. I even looked into photography schools to learn how to be better and develop film myself.

But just like when it comes to ‘writers’, a lot of people say they are photographer or chefs because they don’t know what to do with their lives. When I was looking into the photography idea I noticed just how many people do that themselves and I thought ‘if everyone is a photographer then what am I doing? I cannot compete with the whole state of Oklahoma.” (I’ll always have a soft spot for photography and any chance I get I take pictures for people.) But unfortunately, most of the people in my life call the other “photographers” around to do their photos. Or… they use their phone and take their own. That’s fine, whatever.

But am I just like the rest of people trying to do something with my life that EVERYONE seems to be doing? I will always have a love for writing, but am I being ridiculous in thinking that I will be published?

I just turned 30. I am 30 years old. I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in my life. Sitting here thinking about my writing and I realize that I have never finished a full story. Even Frost, the novel I’ve been working on since November of 2012 – I’m still not finished with it. I actually decided to “rewrite” it. Now I’m sitting here with a half finished novel and I honestly think it’s complete crap. I wonder sometimes if that’s why I haven’t finished it. I even try to tell myself that Stephen King threw away Carrie – he hated that story. Threw it in the trash.

When it comes to cooking I’m perfectly find just cooking with the family or for them and friends. I can live my life doing that. It’s fine. One day I might open a restaurant, but I won’t be bummed if I never open one.

Photography is a very slow dying out occupation because of cell phone cameras and small pocket sized digital cameras. Why pay someone to do something your sister can do?

Writing. I have had a love for that since I was ten or eleven. (No, I didn’t start writing when I was four – that’s dumb.) In 2012 I told myself I’d be finished and published by 30 – but here I am. With neither crossed off my list.

I guess what I’m trying to figure out is what do I want to be doing for the rest of my life? I know for a fact that it’s not my job right now. I do NOT want to make it a career because I barely like it. (No offense to the job itself.) Honestly, I know the answer, but does it make me a cliché knowing that I don’t like my job, don’t really have any future plans but I want to be a published author?

New Things.

I realized the other night, while trying to make dinner, that I am in a rut. A cooking rut. I never thought that was actually a thing. But apparently it is. And I am in it.

Trying to find new things to make is actually more complicated than I thought. Mostly because everything anymore had like cups beyond cups of red or white wine – I don’t keep any form of alcohol in the house. Maybe I should start? I don’t know. I’m not even sure if I even know where to buy red or white wine.

The new recipe trend started a few weeks ago when I attempted to make chicken enchilada’s. Turned out really well – the boyfriend really enjoyed it. Or at least that’s what he said. I’m still curious if he’d even tell me the truth if I made something that was horrible.

I have a made a few other things. One night I made alfredo sauce from scratch, & made a crock pot roast. Both seemed to turn out good. Sadly, I didn’t picture of the take either of those. Just know one looked like alfredo sauce & the other looked like a roast. I can find pictures randomly on the internet if it’ll make this post better.

Last night I decided to make a Rachel Ray recipe I came across through facebook, Lasagna Sloppy Joes.

The sauce itself was good other than I couldn’t get it to thicken. I wonder if it’s because she used wine & I did not. But everything else I substitute wine for something else seems to work. But this, wouldn’t thicken. Maybe I did something else incorrect, I was really tired and was thinking about sleep, but I feel like I did it right. That, & my town grocery store does NOT sell cibata rolls, so I had to buy the frozen ones and it’s all I could taste was the bread itself. Then of course that bread was hard. So mental note: Do not use frozen cibata bread. Go to a bigger store next time.

Tonight, since it’s bowling night for me, I’m thinking about making a slow cooker Chinese meal. I found a recipe for General Tso’s, but I’m nervous as crap for that. White person attempting Chinese food. Mexican’s do it well – but I’m not that either. That was funnier in my head than in print.

General Tso’s and sesame noodles seems to be a good way to start cooking Chinese food. Don’t ya think?