Parents.

What were your parents doing at your age?

I am 36 years old right now.

My parents – at 36:

My mom was 36 in 1998 – a mother of two and married to my father. Four years before she passed away. My brother was 12 && I was 11. She worked at… I want to say a restaurant called “Baldwins” – she was a cook.

My dad was 36 in 1983 – a father of four (three boys && one girl) and married to his second wife – who he was in the process of divorcing. He was a drunk – this was a year before he met my mother – three years before they’d be married. If memories are correct, he’d go to jail at night && sleep there, during the day they’d let him out to go to work. He worked at a… junk yard? named Dulaney’s in Amarillo, Texas.

I never really notice an age difference until I start doing things like this. My mom was 36 in 1998 when my dad was 51 – my dad was 36 in 1983 when my mom was 21. In 1983, my dad had four children, ages 16, 14, 7, & 4. They both lived in Amarillo, Texas though.

They eventually met in 1984. Got married in 1986 on their lunch break at work and went bowling that night.

They are both gone now. Mom died in 2003 at 40. Dad died in 2011 at 63.

Books.

I think I have realized that I may like books a lot of people don’t like.

I finished the Colleen Hoover book, “It Ends with Us”, yesterday. When I was scrolling through the comments about it on Goodreads, I realized a lot of people didn’t like the book. They called the book && author toxic because she didn’t add a “trigger warning” to the book. Apparently, according to the comments left, she didn’t want to add a trigger warning to it but what I’ve read from what she has said about the book, she hasn’t tried to play it off as anything other than what it is. That’s half the reason I read it.

I really enjoyed “It Ends with Us” – but I liked the backstory of Lily & Atlas more than Lily & Ryle. I mean, other than the obvious reason, I liked the journal entries that had to do with Atlas, their story was greater in my opinion than that of Ryle.

So, when I heard that “It Starts with Us” about Lily & Atlas, of course I want to read it. I went and added it to my “reading” section of Goodreads, and out of curiosity I was scrolling through the comments of the book. Reviews, if you will. Most of them say the same thing “why does this book exist?” – which seems harsh to me. Apparently, it exists because people wanted her to write it. Why ask her to write something then bash the book? I don’t know… a lot of the other comments were about how they don’t like Colleen Hoover and cannot understand why they or anyone else reads anything written by Colleen Hoover. Honestly, people seem to enjoy her books. Do I like Tessa Bailey more than Colleen Hoover? Yes, I do. But that’s just the slutty part of my brain.

Colleen Hoover does the “use your imagination on the fun parts”. Tessa Bailey goes into more detail. But other than that, their writing is similar.

Either way. I’m going to read “It Starts with Us” && see what I think about it. If I read it like I did the first one, I’ll be done tomorrow && I’ll let you know if this book should exist or not. I’m hoping for the best.

&& Here We Go.

I’m struggling tonight on what to write about. Been sitting in bed thinking – I just cannot seem to think of anything.

I finally finished reading “The New House” by Tessa Stimson. It basically finished the way I figured it would, but I was hoping it wouldn’t. I wanted more for that character. It was a tough read. I got to 35% read before it began getting good. Once I hit the ‘good spot’ I was able to read through the rest. So if you read it, don’t give up. (I had to read six novellas to actually finish it).

Today I started reading “It Ends With Us” by Colleen Hoover. I’m half way through it right now. I should finish it tomorrow if not Saturday then I will start the second one.

I guess since my brain is bad I tonight I’m just going to curl up in bed while I Love Lucy plays in the background to get some sleep. I have work tomorrow.

Hands Free – Good or No?

First, I’m sad. I was so tired last night that I forgot to write. So, I lost my streak – I was up to 33 days. I really wanted to hit 365 days by the end of the year, but it’s okay. It’s just one day. I’ll get back on track.

I went && looked for it – the other day I saw a topic idea that was “if you could uninvent something, what would it be?” At the time of seeing it, I couldn’t think of anything but now I know what I would throw in the trash if I could.

Hands free sinks.

You may be thinking, but they are there to keep you from having to touch the sink. Here’s my issue with them. THEY NEVER WORK. You stand there for ten minutes looking like a complete idiot because you can’t get a single one to work.

I went to Wal-Mart the other day – had to use the restroom – they have eight sinks. EIGHT! I started on one end and attempted to turn on all of them. I finally found one, that barely gave any water. Seriously though. If you’re going to have those hand free faucets, you need them to work.

I just miss the ability to turn on a sink using a handle. (As I’ve said before, I’m sure I’m still living in the 90’s). I miss the ability to decide if I want freezing cold water or warm water or scalding hot water. The sinks at my job during the winter are freezing cold. During the summer, it’s scalding. There is no in between. I know we have the ability to change the way the sinks work, but they won’t. If they’d just put the handles back on the sinks, I’d be a happy camper. It makes washing my hands irritating.

***
So, I guess I’m back at day one in my writing. Hopefully I don’t fall off the wagon again – but I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen. I’ll probably end up not writing for weeks at a time && picking it back up. I do that.

Take Two.

Tuesday the sixth.

I was called back by the surgeons office this afternoon. Woo! 🧑🏻‍⚕️ They were willing to set my appointment for tomorrow, but I can’t do that – I work tomorrow. So I told them Tuesday’s are best for me and I am free for whenever. So next Tuesday it is…

Normally I would ramble on and on about thoughts, worries, etc. But today will be short because I’m using my cell phone to write this. Why? Don’t laugh! 👀 One of my cats, Odis, was asleep in my computer chair && I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left the room to use my phone. ☎️

But I will say this much. My “fat brain” is freaking out && I know that it’s going to take a lot to calm it down. However, I know I need to do this to survive – I’m just, probably like everyone else on the planet that has done this surgery, scared of how it’s going to change me.

The thought of taking an hour to eat one scrambled egg terrifies me. Although, I’m pretty sure by 30 minutes in, I’m going to get bored of eating. 🍽️

I did have a check up with my doctor today. We didn’t do much so I have nothing new to go by. I did tell him that when I eat I sweat, which is weird – asked if I should be worried. He said no – he is pretty sure it’s because of my Trulicity. I also asked for a prescription of antacids because BOY! Woo! All I get anymore is heartburn. Sucks. I have an appointment next month to check my A1C. Hopefully it has gone down. I know my daily numbers are lower. Send a prayer up for me on that.

I will stop on that note && will pick it back up again later on.

The Right Direction.

I feel like I’m going in the right direction when it comes to getting back in the groove of writing.

I read a lot of authors takes on what makes them a good author and how they complete their books. The one thing that they all say “you have to write” (&& read). I know this isn’t quite what they had in mind when it comes to writing – they meant more of the whole, open word && start writing the story.

I have so many ideas in my head that I can’t make heads nor tails of most of it. There is one story I want to write – badly – but at the same time I’m not sure where to start. The other day I was reading about popular romance writers && how they start a book. One I read about said that she starts with a scene. The big scene. The IT scene. The scene the book travels to && makes a difference. Then she’ll build from that. Going backwards && to the end.

I have thought about starting at the end. Where does my story end? Why does it end like that? But when I sit down to start writing all my ideas just disappear && I’m left with nothing – which in turn makes me feel useless. I know it shouldn’t. But it does. Every. Single. Time.

But tonight I didn’t want to write a blog post. I just wanted to go to bed && forget about it. Instead, I forced myself up and into the other room to write. ((&& both rooms I have irritated the same cat. First I made him move out of my spot in bed. So he came into the computer room. Then I came in here && made him move out of my chair. He’s not happy with me.)) Like I said, I know this isn’t what any of them had in mind when they say to write – daily – but it’s a start, right?

I just need to work myself out of this slump so I can write the stories that hide in the darkness of my brain.

Starting the day…

My favorite way to start my day is…

…by going back to bed. 😆 All jokes aside, there is a little truth behind that laugh.

I’m not sure I actually like this question. Everyone starts their day about the same. I wake up. Put on glasses. Go to the restroom. Sometimes I lay back down just because I can. Most of the time I put on clothes, take meds, go about my day.

At least we know that this question was not meant to be in the form of a blog.

I almost forgot to write today. Started watching “Young Sheldon” and my mind was occupied. Went to lay down for the night – I have work in the morning so it’s around 6:30 PM – and realized I hadn’t wrote for today. So that’s what I’m doing. I know missing one day is fine, but I don’t want to. I really want to make a good effort in writing at least once a day. Still trying to get that motivation back.

I have also started using my Kindle again. Got a free book this month && so now I’m trying to get back to that. My goal is at least 12 books this year – I read seven last year – which is one book a month. I should be able to do that.

I know today’s entry isn’t the best it could be. But at least it’s something. It’s getting my brain going – which is better than nothing, right?

Second Chances: Yes or No?

How do you feel about second chances?

I know I started doing these one a day questions so I could find my passion for writing again, but if you’re following along and find a question you like, feel free to write about it. Tag back to me. See if we can get people to start one a day writing.

If you had asked me twelve or thirteen years ago how I felt about second chances, I’m pretty sure my answer would be different. (Keep in mind twelve years ago I was around 24.) Then I would have said everyone deserves a second chance. && while I still do think some do deserve a second chance, I’m not as lenient about who gets the second chance.

In my late teens to early twenties I would have said everyone deserves second chances. Everyone deserves a chance to show that they’d changed for the better. I honestly believed it. To the point that I was writing people in prison so they knew, that when their second chance started, they’d have a friend that believed in them. (I was around 15 to 17 when I was doing that. I don’t do that anymore. Although, I do miss having a pen pal.)

I think after the 100th time behind shafted for being so naïve, is when I finally stopped giving second chances to everyone. Now, of course, I do still believe, in some cases, that people do deserve second chances. && if I did something stupid, that someone, somewhere, would give me the second chance to prove I”ve changed.

However, I do not believe in double-second-chances. Once I give you a second chance to prove yourself, you do it again, I’m done. I’m walking away. Never looking back. I’m tired of being the laughing stock – the butt of jokes – just because at one point in my life I really believed in people && thought if they really wanted to change, they could.

What I have learned is. If they do want to chance. They can. But it has to be their decision and I cannot make that decision for them. I can’t be the one who is always cheering them on when they won’t take the first step to actually do what they need to do to prover that they are a changed person. Which is what second chances are. They are there to prove to everyone around you that you are ready to be a better person and not do the stupid, ignorant, convoluted things you were doing in the past. But if you can’t commit to the change, why should I go out of my way to help you?

Can you tell I’ve been burned a few times?

I think my issue is that I haven’t been burned a lot with second chances, that was usually with a family member, because why would a family member screw you over multiple times? (I did say I can be naïve.) I think my issue is who to trust more than who needs a second chance.

I have had friends through my life that I sit and wonder why we were “friends” && whether or not we were actually friends. I’m sure a lot of people think that way at some point in their lives. But I feel like I’ve thought it more often than I should. I could give examples, but I’m sure some of them will read this && then send me stupid messages && I don’t want to deal with it.

So in your opinion, second chances.. are they worth it? Or should everyone just steer clear of them? Are people worth it to see if they’d change?

To Vote, or Not To Vote.

Daily writing prompt

Do you vote in political elections?

View all responses

To be honest, I wish I did.

I’m turning 36 this year. I feel like most people have already gotten to the point where they have opinions, thoughts, etc. on political things. I don’t. I don’t know what I’m looking for, or listening for, or what I’m supposed to understand when politicians speak. I don’t know what makes one better than the next && I don’t know how to know the differences.

I try to have conversations with people around me about some of the topics that politicians talk about, but all it does it anger people around me when my opinion’s don’t mix with theirs. I didn’t grow up in the times with a lot of the people around me – they are either twenty to thirty years older than me or way younger. So that leaves me in the middle.

I don’t have any opinions or wants or likes with people younger than me. Nothing. I have yet to find anything they say remotely amazing.

But at the same time, for the ones who are older than me, I don’t find that I agree with them too much either. Some of their thoughts, yes, but most of them are living in a time that no longer exists – but I don’t agree with the time we are in now. A lot of what the older generations lived for / with – I do think some of it should come back but at the same time I don’t think all of it should still be here.

I don’t know, maybe my thoughts and feelings and such just don’t have a reason to be in conversations with people around me.

I do make jokes a lot about being a 40 year old white male republican. There may be some truth in that somewhere.

Writing Daily…

Authors write. It’s what they do.
Daily. It’s how they roll.
I’m not an author. Haven’t finished a book completely. (Almost.)
I don’t write daily. I can’t always seem to focus.

Does that make me less of a writer? I ponder that a lot. So I figured instead of pondering on that topic anymore I’m going to make a decision to write something everyday. It may just be a quick entry to say hello to the world but it will be something nonetheless. I just figure if I’m going to eventually be a published author then I must start on that dream now. &&& since no one will hire me to write full time I might as well just enjoy the blog while I can.

Plus, you never know – this blog may become something bigger. Doubt it. But hey! I can dream. So I messed around on Pinterest until I found a couple “30 Day Writing Challenges” and picked a couple to choose from. Figured I can pick two and choose my favorites and then write. I figured that would be my best route.