Take Two.

Tuesday the sixth.

I was called back by the surgeons office this afternoon. Woo! 🧑🏻‍⚕️ They were willing to set my appointment for tomorrow, but I can’t do that – I work tomorrow. So I told them Tuesday’s are best for me and I am free for whenever. So next Tuesday it is…

Normally I would ramble on and on about thoughts, worries, etc. But today will be short because I’m using my cell phone to write this. Why? Don’t laugh! 👀 One of my cats, Odis, was asleep in my computer chair && I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left the room to use my phone. ☎️

But I will say this much. My “fat brain” is freaking out && I know that it’s going to take a lot to calm it down. However, I know I need to do this to survive – I’m just, probably like everyone else on the planet that has done this surgery, scared of how it’s going to change me.

The thought of taking an hour to eat one scrambled egg terrifies me. Although, I’m pretty sure by 30 minutes in, I’m going to get bored of eating. 🍽️

I did have a check up with my doctor today. We didn’t do much so I have nothing new to go by. I did tell him that when I eat I sweat, which is weird – asked if I should be worried. He said no – he is pretty sure it’s because of my Trulicity. I also asked for a prescription of antacids because BOY! Woo! All I get anymore is heartburn. Sucks. I have an appointment next month to check my A1C. Hopefully it has gone down. I know my daily numbers are lower. Send a prayer up for me on that.

I will stop on that note && will pick it back up again later on.

Just tired.

I’m always so tired but at the same time I have trouble sleeping.

I don’t know if it is just a part of everything that is wrong with me or I’m lacking something that most people have that I just don’t seem to. Last night I laid down around 9 o’clock because I was tired. I laid in bed, staring at the wall until around midnight. When I finally dozed off. This morning I woke up around 8 – by 11, I was asleep in my chair. I feel like I’m in my 90’s sometimes having to nap throughout the day or I can’t make it.

It’s frustrating.

I shouldn’t be as tired as I am all the time. I even have trouble staying awake at work WHILE WORKING. I find myself sometimes moving to the other side of the room so I can talk to people to keep myself awake && it’s worse on Sunday mornings.

It’s almost 9:30 PM right now && I’m so tired. But I know I will go to bed && never go to sleep. That’s more frustrating than just being tired all the time. I get mad at the Boyfriend sometimes. We’ll go to bed and he’ll lay down, once his head hits the pillow he’s out. Snoring. Me? Naw, I’m just laying there staring at him fuming because I can’t sleep.

The days I work I drink Zzzquil to go to sleep && it doesn’t always work. I try to be in bed by seven the nights I work because I have to wake up at 4 AM (which, by the way, I don’t like), but there are times I’m still awake at 10:30 PM just laying there. No yawning, nothing. Just laying in the dark.

The tiredness in turn makes living life really complicated. I’m always telling myself things I need to accomplish throughout the day, but I’m just so tired I don’t want to. Today has been the coolest, weather wise, in a few months && I wanted to start walking again. I have the want to do it. I don’t have the oomph to do it. I try but when it comes to actually doing it my body is just so tired I don’t even want to put on shoes. Lately, it takes me a lot to just go to the store. The thought of having to wake up Thursday at four in the morning to go to work is driving me crazy. && it’s only Tuesday night.

I love to cook && my tiredness makes that a very hard chore to do. I wanted to clean the bedroom but instead of actually helping, I sat on the bed && watched the Boyfriend clean it. I have heard that heart disease will make you tired, but should it make me THIS tired? Especially if my function is getting better? At the same time, I have read that kidney disease will make you tired. I just can’t catch a break when it comes to being tired.

I have already given up on the keto lifestyle. Why you ask? Because nothing I read before I started that type of eating told me that I wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom. && after two weeks of nothing happening, pain, and crying on the toilet – I stopped. Now you’re saying “you can take supplements”. If I could afford that kind of lifestyle I would. I will just have to do it on my own way. Although, after stopping the keto style, I have still dropped weight. Downside, my blood sugar is in the 200’s again. Yeah, not eating a lot of carbs my blood sugar was staying below 200 – in fact, it was staying around 130 to 150, which is really good for someone who is usually in the 300’s. My Dexcom beeped this morning. I went above 300. I figured after dinner it would have beeped again, but so far it hasn’t, but the night isn’t over yet.

Not a resolution.

Two years ago I had decided I was ready to finally pull off weight. I changed my diet, began exercising, and sleeping normally. I was pumped! After four months I had pulled off 40 pounds – I was beyond excited. I had no intentions of ever stopping until I reached my goal and was able to continue eating like I was without a calorie counter. Yes! I’m a calorie counter.

The fifth month rolled around and I began having pains in my feet so bad that when I stopped moving I was unable to stand back on them. When I woke up after sleeping I fell over and found myself crawling through my house – a lot. I finally scheduled an appointment with a foot doctor I don’t know the actual name and after some x-rays he figured out that I had plantar fasciitis. After giving me a shot my feet felt a million times better.

I never really got back into the groove the feet issues took and, well, it’s been two years and I have put back on the weight I lost plus more. I figured everything would be okay since I haven’t really had any health problems associated with my weight. Why worry when there isn’t a reason to worry?

In 2014, I decided it was time to finally go to a doctor for a check up – I began feeling weird. Extremely tired, pains in weird places, etc. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and my A1C (number that determines whether you have diabetes) was a little higher than he wanted (they want it less than a 7.0 & mine was a 6.7.) There is when we started the struggle with finding the medicine that would help and not cause me any issues. The first set of blood pressure pills made me cough which he said was not a good thing. Okay, that’s fine, so we moved on to another kind – which is what I still take. The A1C pill hasn’t changed since I began taking the medicine.

Lately, however, when I take my A1C pill I start feeling… weird. My head will go light making me dizzy at times, I get extremely tired (there are times where I just want to close my eyes and rest), and my stomach gets very sick to itself. I haven’t taken it in a few days which is probably causing me more issues than anything.

After a lot of thought I decided that I would get back to making myself healthy. Exercising and eating right is the plan. I halfway started yesterday when I got a membership at a gym and started going. Twice so far. It may not seem like much, but it’s a big change for someone who is usually found in bed watching television unless they HAVE to get up and do something.

The last couple of years my attitude and health has changed a lot. I remember being able to walk through Wal-Mart for hours without any trouble, and now I have issues.

Yesterday I started out well. Ate less than my allotted calories and spent an hour at the gym. Hooray! Today, however, I had a harder time. Nothing to destroy anything – I still have work to do. (Mostly, grocery shopping. When all you have in your house is macaroni and cheese, & potatoes, you have to buy some things.) Today was just one of those days where you stand there and think if I shove anymore food in my mouth I’m going to slap myself. It wasn’t a lot but I know for a fact I ran over my allotted calorie intake for today but I am not going to let it get me down.

Tomorrow is another day.