Take Two.

Tuesday the sixth.

I was called back by the surgeons office this afternoon. Woo! 🧑🏻‍⚕️ They were willing to set my appointment for tomorrow, but I can’t do that – I work tomorrow. So I told them Tuesday’s are best for me and I am free for whenever. So next Tuesday it is…

Normally I would ramble on and on about thoughts, worries, etc. But today will be short because I’m using my cell phone to write this. Why? Don’t laugh! 👀 One of my cats, Odis, was asleep in my computer chair && I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left the room to use my phone. ☎️

But I will say this much. My “fat brain” is freaking out && I know that it’s going to take a lot to calm it down. However, I know I need to do this to survive – I’m just, probably like everyone else on the planet that has done this surgery, scared of how it’s going to change me.

The thought of taking an hour to eat one scrambled egg terrifies me. Although, I’m pretty sure by 30 minutes in, I’m going to get bored of eating. 🍽️

I did have a check up with my doctor today. We didn’t do much so I have nothing new to go by. I did tell him that when I eat I sweat, which is weird – asked if I should be worried. He said no – he is pretty sure it’s because of my Trulicity. I also asked for a prescription of antacids because BOY! Woo! All I get anymore is heartburn. Sucks. I have an appointment next month to check my A1C. Hopefully it has gone down. I know my daily numbers are lower. Send a prayer up for me on that.

I will stop on that note && will pick it back up again later on.

Good News && Bad News.

I think I am staring to realize why people with diabetes don’t live very long.

I probably shouldn’t say that, especially when words where people can find them forever. Because now, if I pass away everyone is going to think it’s because of the diabetes. It won’t be. I’m trucking along with it. I’m just mad. So, very, mad.

I agreed to start seeing a endocrinologist to fix my issues with my high sugar levels so my other issues with start getting better. So they put me on insulin, which I’ve told y’all before – nothing new there. This last week I had an appointment with them to check up on my progress. I had to tell them that my nu8mbers are still between 250 && 300 every day, every single time I take it. && of course they tell me that they shouldn’t be.

I know this.

So they go through the normal questions: are you taking the insulin like you’re supposed to? Are you snacking between meals? Do you consume a lot of sugar? Are you telling us the complete truth? Then of course, with each question, their look basically says I am lying about it all.

Yes. I take my insulin like they asked me to.
No. I do not snack in between meals. Ask Boyfriend, I’m not lying.
No. I do not eat sugar, whether it’s in drinks, or foods.
Yes, I’m telling the complete truth.

But the looks. You know the looks. If you’re overweight, and you’re asked these questions, you know the looks. I’m pretty sure they asked me if I snack four times, within five minutes, with smaller questions in between.

Let’s break The Barb down. When I was younger && still drinking out of bottles, my mother would put watered down Diet Coke in them. That’s what I grew up drinking, guess what? I still drink diet beverages. My tea, at home, is fake sugar. I don’t eat cakes, or pies, or sugary treats. I don’t eat chips, ice cream, or candy. I barely drink soda, && when I do buy one, I can make a 20 ounce last a week, if not longer. Chips, if I happen to buy a bag, I eat approximately five chips, Boyfriend finishes the bag. I don’t eat bread, even on sandwiches, I tend to just eat the inside of it. Tuna salad sandwich, I make this on weekends when I don’t have much time to cook, && I get a bowl, no bread, and eat it with a spoon.

So here I am. Blood sugar ranging, all the time, between 250 && 300. So I tell Boyfriend, maybe I need to cut more carbs out. I’ve stopped eating pasta as much as I did, bread is out, and I rarely eat potatoes. Which is leaving rice – lately, it’s all I want. So I told him, maybe – I need to stop eating rice for a little while && see if I can get my sugars down. But what happens when I put it back in my diet? I don’t plan to not eat it forever. My blood sugar is going to spike, yet again.

They also preach on my weight. Which is where the looks come in when asking about my “snacking habits”. Yes, I have moments where I have the “munchies” && eat and eat and eat. && sometimes, I ignore then munchies. The last two days my munchies have been horrible. But I have had pig skins, which I’ve munched on. They have no carbs – full of calories, but… one or the other, right?

I’m usually a calorie counter because I know it works for me. Count those, exercise, my weight drops. That’s even not cutting out carbs. Now I’m looking at cutting out carbs so I can’t really count calories? Can I? Wouldn’t that be too much?

I tried the “low carb” diet once. I was so angry through the whole experience that it lasted two weeks before the anger took over and I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Now you’re wondering, what made me angry? Everyone preaches about how good the low to no carb diet is and that it’s the bomb-diggity. But when you actually Google the carb amount in foods you’ll realize that EVERYTHING has carbs. EVERYTHING! A freaking pickle. I love pickles and they are great to munch on when you’re counting calories. Yes, don’t get me wrong, they only have one carb (((PER PICKLE))), but still!

Fruit. Veggies. Cheese (which is the number one thing people preach you can eat) – all. have. carbs.

Heck, the frozen Atkins meals that you can buy in most grocery stores – have at least 15 carbs in each box. So people tell me to stick with meats. Okay, that’s fine, but guess what? Remember? I have gout. Yeah! It’s like anything && everything that can be wrong with me right now, is wrong.

Today’s numbers weren’t horrible. This morning I took it && it was 199, it’s high, but at least it wasn’t 250. Last night for dinner I had a sandwich, with no bread, pickles && pig skins. This morning I ate a sandwich with no bread, pickles and pig skins. So I stuck with meat – although, the meats I chose aren’t heart healthy. I took my numbers before dinner and it was 159. Had pork chops, sautéed onions, and cauliflower bites (cauliflower covered in cheese, bacon bits, and green onions.) I haven’t retaken the numbers yet, but I’m hoping they aren’t extremely high. But you know.

On good notes: the doctors are saying that my heart && kidney function are getting better. My A1C went from 9.6 to 8.4, but my weight is staying around the same. So I’m not gaining, but I’m not losing. && that’s because of the exercise rut I’m in. I cannot find any motivation to exercise. I don’t know if it’s only because it’s hot outside or because I just don’t want to. Maybe a mix of both? I was told that my magnesium is low so I was told to take a supplement/eat foods high in magnesium && we’ll check that again in October.

Basically, I have two months – August && September – to lose some weight && try to get my A1C even lower. So here is to that.

I’m trying..

I bought a jump rope.

It’s something small and insignificant. But I did. I bought a jump rope approximately 3 weeks ago. I was excited. When I was younger, I enjoyed jumping rope – I didn’t very often because one: I didn’t have one at home, two: because when I would at school people would make ::fat:: jokes. You know the ones: screaming earthquake when I landed, or stating when I jumped my fat moved.

So I just eventually stopped jumping rope.

I’ve been trying to find small things I can purchase that can help me lose weight && remembering how much I enjoyed jumping rope, I figured, why not? So I found one on Amazon && bought it. A couple days pass && I receive it in the mail. I’m excited! I open it && Boyfriend && I start messing with it.

I got it on a Thursday evening.

By Saturday morning it was as if my body saw the jump rope && thought ‘nope, not this time’. Because I woke up that morning with a pain in my left food so bad I wanted to cry. I’m talking worse than gallstones && kidney stones. When I first stood up I nearly fell, having to grab the bed for stability. I was unable to wear my work shoes && instead having to wear the shoes I use for walking – which isn’t in dress code. (We are supposed to wear black where my exercise shoes are grey).

I figured the pain would stop, because it eventually has to, right? That weekend at work was horrible. I could barely walk, couldn’t keep my shoe on and I wanted to cry. Saturday night into Sunday morning I cried. All night – until I eventually fell asleep. It hurt so bad I couldn’t get comfortable, no matter how I laid my foot it hurt. The fan blowing across it hurt.

I figured it was gout – nothing else made sense.

Everything said untreated gout systems last about 14 days. Okay – that’s wonderful in a nonwonderful way. I wait 14 days. My foot, big toe to be exact, still hurt. I make a doctors appointment telling her my thoughts and where, why, what hurt. She does blood work && x-ray’s – coming to the conclusion that she doesn’t think it’s gout. She said my acid levels aren’t high enough and there’s nothing on the x-ray. Okay, that’s fine – so what’s wrong with my foot?

She is on the case of an infection in my toe. She gave me antibiotics and I took them saying that she wanted to see me after I finished. The pain hadn’t stopped, so she done another blood test && x-ray’s. This time around she saw the ‘infection’ in my toe, my acids still weren’t high enough && my white blood cells were still high. I’m on my second round of antibiotics and my foot still hurts.

I am on day 18.

I’m frustrated beyond anything I thought could be possible. I have been trying to lose some weight by walking daily and since my foot has started I haven’t been able to. If I walk on my foot too long or wear a shoe, by the end of the night, I’m in so much pain that I just want to cry.

The only upside for all of this – I haven’t put on a lot of weight. I lost some and only put back on 4 pounds of what I took off. I’m staying steady. So it’s basically saying that I don’t eat horribly, but at the same time, I don’t eat too well. But I’m glad I haven’t put on too much weight since the foot started hurting.