Dream Home.

Write about your dream home.

First – the kitchen has to be HUGE! Like… lots of room. Lots of counter space. I want a walk-in pantry that has shelves throughout it, plus, on the walls, I want can holders built in. I want an island in the middle of the kitchen that has a sink built in the top, the side of the island to have a built-in fridge, small just for drinks – I want plugs to be on the opposite side of the island. I want a water faucet, those long thing ones, above the stove that shoots out hot water. I want electrical plugs and lights up underneath the cabinets. OOH… I want so many cabinets.

Living room needs to have a whole spot for the television, gaming systems, and sound system. Plus, I’d love a working fireplace – and a small stage off to the side in front of a set of windows with small railings around it. That’s for my Christmas tree. I don’t know what I’ll use it for after that, but I definitely want it for my tree.

Along the ceiling connecting each room I want a catwalk. Yeah, I said a catwalk. Not for models. But for cats. I want them to be able to walk from room to room without actually touching the floor. They’ll be spots along the way that has tiny beds where they can sleep. Then of course, I’ll want a room just for the cats that will house their belongings && a built-in cat bed window. You’ve seen them… the ones they build for inside cats to get sun – so it pokes out and it hangs. One of those.

My bedroom. I want it cozy. Maybe a smaller fireplace, but it’s not a necessity. A large, walk-in closet that has places to put shoes, and your clothes, and of course space for putting things up. A built-in master bathroom that has a huge tub for soaking. Two sinks with lots – && I MEAN LOTS – of storage space. (My bathroom right now has no spot for towels. It’s crazy.) I want a whole row of drawers along one wall, a small closet inside the restroom for towels, and then a tall thin closet for toilet paper. I want a huge shower, one that you have a spot to sit down in if you wanted to. I want the water to come from the ceiling rather than in front of me.

An extra bedroom for people that need a place to sleep. It’ll be an average looking bedroom. Small closet with a built-in dresser inside the closet.

I will need an exercise / computer room. Kind of like I do now, except it will have bookshelves built in. It will kind of be like a small library except with exercise equipment and a computer.

Boyfriend talks about having a room for his game systems, but I’d rather just built that into the living room – that way I know I will be able to see him. I usually just read, or play on my phone, when he is playing his games. If he has his own room for it, I don’t think I’ll ever see him. && I don’t like that idea – at all.

Laundry room – I want a large space. With shelves, a small sink and places to hang things if I need to. I want it off the back of the house, where the backdoor is connected to it. Outside the backdoor would be the garage – then the laundry room is connected to the kitchen, with a door, so when you buy groceries, you can just bring them through the laundry room.

I want a staircase. Just one. One that circles and the only thing upstairs will be my bedroom / bathroom. I’ve always had dreams of being able to decorate a banister for Christmas. ((Yes, a lot of my dream house relies heavily on Christmas ideas. But if you knew me, that wouldn’t surprise you.))

Outside I would want a fire pit, a storage building, and a cellar (I do live in Oklahoma). Beautiful green grass and my two cats that are buried in the yard to have a beautiful spot. I want to decorate them for them, so they know I still think about them on the daily. Especially Babykins – I miss her so much.

I’m sure there would be more to my dream house, but this is what I can think of at this moment.

Dreams: Do they come true?

What do you think it will take to make your dreams come true?

I have always been curious if the “American Dream” is true? && is it only for people who weren’t born over here? I know that sounds horrible to even say, but sometimes I feel if you were born in America we don’t have the “American Dream” because we’re already American. But I guess that’s for a different day.

What do I think I need to make my dreams come true? Depends on which dream we are talking about. I don’t know if it’s normal for one person to have a couple dreams. But we’ll break each one down.

Writing/Publish a Book: We all knew this was going to be number one. It’s the dream I have had since I was in fifth grade when I started writing to begin with. I know what it’ll take, I don’t have to give it much thought. I have to get out of my head. Being stuck inside of your own head is a dangerous place to be. && that’s what holds me back a lot. I worry too much about what people will think of my writing instead of realizing that I’m a better writer than what I see in my head.

I need to stop being so scared of people reading what I write. Yes, I know I write in this. But this writing seems different in my head than writing a story. && technically it is. This is me just typing out thoughts and putting them on a screen. A story has to have plots, and ideas, and follow through, and understanding, and great characters. That’s what scares me. You know, to this day, only one person has fully read Frost from start to finish.
Making money from this blog: I know it’s possible for people to make a side hustle using their blog. There are things called “Mommy Blogs”, “Food Blogs”, “Book Blogs”. But they have the one thing I don’t. A theme. A reason to write a blog. I have been writing a blog on and off since I was seventeen. SEVEN. TEEN. That’s been nearly 20 years of me writing a blog && I have a following on here of less than 300. I’m about 75% sure it’s because I have no theme.

I have thought about turning it into a book blog. Writing about books I read and what I thought of them && if I recommend them. I shot that thought away when I realized that I don’t read enough to do that. I read a lot – usually – if I’m not in a slump, however, I get in slumps a lot.

I gave travel food blogger a thought for about three minutes. Then I realized I don’t travel – so I thought, what about just food? I know food blogs are interesting if written by the correct person, but I’m pretty sure no one wants to read about what I cook for dinner every night. Plus, I’m not sure if I’d have enough content for it. Also, uploading pictures on here is a headache.

I’m not a mommy so mommy blog is out the window. I am an Aunt, but no one writes an Aunt Blog. That’s silly.

So it’s left me blank. Which is what has brought me to where I’m at today. Just a blog about whatever I can think of writing about. Maybe I’ll write about a book that I enjoyed reading or maybe I come across a recipe that really stuck out or possible I liked a kitchen gadget really well && I want to talk about that. Maybe a drink I can’t live without, or a new product I found that made me smile. Do I think this idea will ever bring me to making money off of it? No, I don’t. Because if I haven’t in that last 20 years, I doubt it’ll start now. So the blog itself, I guess, is more for me. But trust me, if you like it, please follow & share && enjoy.
Cooking/Food Truck: I haven’t had this dream as long as the writing side of me. I didn’t start cooking until I was 15 && that was out of necessity. Fifteen is when I lost my mother which left me, my dad && brother. I didn’t want to live on bologna sandwiches for the rest of my life, so I began to learn to cook. However, I didn’t begin to enjoy cooking until I was nineteen. That’s when I started reading cookbooks, and watching cooking shows, and coming up with my own recipes.

So the food truck / traveling blogger dream didn’t appear until it was way to late to really do much with cooking. There are so many programs out there for younger people who enjoy cooking – however, once you hit eighteen, just like any other profession, you are screwed.

But to get that dream – I need money. I could be the best cook in the state of Oklahoma, but without money, or a backer, you don’t have anyway of starting up a food business. I think I could make money off this blog before I could get a food truck. To be a traveling food blogger you need money. I’m not going to be one of those people who travel somewhere then tell the people “you let me have this for free because I’m a blogger && it’ll bring you more business.” && yes, people do that. && if you do that, && you’re reading this – STOP IT. Pay the businesses like the rest of the people && if you like it then tell your followers that you liked it && they can go enjoy it themselves by paying the businesses. && go for small businesses. They need it a lot more than some huge butt chain of butt people. No one likes butt people.

So, here I sit. Daily. Writing in this blog. Hoping inspiration hits && I don’t have to only write these daily prompts out of this book. Remember, if you like this topic, write it in yours but attach my blog to it. && if you’re curious about the book, “A 5 Year Question A Day? Memory Journal” – I bought it at Wal-Mart. (&& no, if you click the link I will get nothing from it.) But that’s the book I keep getting the prompts out of. If you buy it && start using them – somehow credit me. Bring me the views. ❤️

Happy New Year!

What is your number one New Years Resolution?

My New Year resolution doesn’t really change much. But it ranges. One year it’ll be to write the next great American novel. The next year it will be to lose weight. The next will be back to writing & then to losing weight. It’s a back and forth battle I’m probably never going to win.

2020 was to lose weight.
2021 was to write more.
2022 was to lose weight.
2023 was to write more.
2024, back to losing weight.
2025 – will be to write more.
See how that works?

Maybe this year I just need to say both – lose weight && write more.

I have been watching sitcoms lately that have already finished. No longer airing. Right now I’m on Mike & Molly && a part of me is jealous of the decision that Molly made. For anyone who didn’t watch it, she was a teacher for ten years. During a state standardized test she flipped a switch – crawled out of her classroom window && into the rain – telling her students to never stop dreaming. That’s the day she walked away from her career to make writing her full time job. Has she been having ups and downs? Thinking she wasn’t good enough? Looking into other jobs – driving instructor, forklift driver. Well yes.. But a small part of me wishes I could just crawl out a window at work and into a rainstorm and never look back. But sadly, my job has no windows && I can’t just quit my job because I need the income that being a full time unpaid writer wouldn’t give me.

But at the same time, of course, I wonder to myself – would I be okay without working? I took two weeks vacation in November && by the end of it I was pretty grumpy. I’m not sure if it’s because of me not going to work or if it’s because most of it I was alone because Boyfriend was still going to work – he didn’t have the vacation time to take off like I did.

In conclusion to my rambling. 2024’s main goal is to lose weight. The minor goal is to write more. The smallest of goals (say that in your head with a squeak to your voice) is to become a paid writer of sorts. It can even just be a blog writer. I’ll be okay with that. && be able to crawl out of my works window, into the pouring rain, and never look back.

Goodbye 2021 – Hello 2022

Here is to wishing for a better year.

The last couple of years has been weird. I wonder what people in past pandemics did to relieve stress from what’s going on around them. This year, I tried to erase it by dying – not on purpose of course. So I for one, am glad that the year is over && that we can start over.

But then again, I said that at the end of 2020 also.

I am going to look at it like this – unless I die, 2022 is going to be better for me. I am hoping for a few things:

I’m hoping that I can declutter my mind. The last few years I have felt like my mind is on an episode of Hoarders && I need a dumpster. I have so much going on up there that I am having trouble deciphering what the clutter is. I’m hoping that 2022 will bring me the dumpster I need && hopefully it not turn into a dumpster fire.

I’m hoping to finally either finish, begin another, but start writing again. I have wrote off and on this year, but this nothing compares to what I used to do. I can’t always blame the cluttered mind, but at the same time, if I had that dumpster, would it make any difference with my writing? I enjoy my job that I have right now but it’s not my dream. My dream includes words, pages, books – but at my rate I’m going to end up just thinking about the dream rather than going forward.

I want to get my health on track even better than I have this year. I know it’s a long, hard road but at the same time, I know I can do it. I know it’s possible for me to get ahold of the reins and fix myself. Because I know, if I don’t have my health, I will have nothing else. && I’m not quite ready to give up without a huge fight. Plus, the thought of leaving Boyfriend && The Brother alone in this world – scares me so much.

I’m hoping to find another hobby. I’m know I have writing which I enjoy immensely, but at the same time, I feel like I should have something else to occupy my time other than work – I don’t make enough at work to occupy my time 24/7. So I’m up for finding something else. I have tried sewing, coloring, painting… none of it stuck. Well, I do have cooking to fall back on, I guess, but that’s kind of in the same boat as writing. Unless I’m willing to step out of my comfort zone, that’ll never be a reality either.

I hope this next year turns out to be one of the better ones that people and myself have had in year. I hope that everyone finds what they are looking for. I hope their is laughter, and love, and learning, and exploring – I hope there is so much enlightenment that people think back to 2019, 2020 && 2021 && laugh.

Here is to the next year && the happiness that everyone deserves!

Do Dreams Come True?

I wonder how many people actually say their dreams did, in fact, come true. I have a dream. Other than finishing the book that I really need to finish but I’m too lazy to actually do it… I want to own && operate a food truck.

I have two loves in my life. Writing, of course, && cooking, which I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned a few times. I also do believe I said my dream job would be a food writer. Combine the best of both worlds. Travel all over the globe while trying different foods, cooked by different people and just write about it.

But I’m trying not to span too far into the atmosphere. But as I sit here and write this I find myself wondering is wanting to own, run && operate a food truck too far out the scope of reality for me? I get it. It takes money && a lot of it. I can save; I know how to do that. But lets say I did save the money, would I actually ever get to the point where I can do it before I die?

I think that’s half of my issue. A part of me is scared that I won’t see the part of my life where most people do find && achieve their dreams. Sometimes, it takes people into their 40’s & 50’s to actually get it. So I wonder – do I have that long to keep hoping that maybe I can get what I truly desire out of life.

Lately I haven’t felt well. I mean, I don’t feel like I’m knocking at deaths door, I just haven’t felt well. I have been sluggish, and still depressed. Angry, and annoyed. My medicine makes it where I don’t have an appetite so I’m not hungry half of the time. They’ve put me on insulin which I’m pretty sure is half of the depression. I thought I was moving forward, day by day, but I feel sometimes that them putting me on insulin is back tracking. But in reality, I’m pretty sure it’s not.

So that’s me. I’m scared, worried, and freaking out that I don’t have time to do what I want with my life. I want to leave a mark on the world. I want people in the future when I’m no longer here talking about something I achieved. Something I did. Something that makes people remember me. Will it be in the food world, writing world, or both worlds?

Do I think I’m going to write the next literary masterpiece? No, I don’t.
Do I think I’m going to open a food truck that eventually turns into a million dollar business that has restaurants in different countries? No, I do not.
I am realistic.
But at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m achieving anything && I know part of that is because I’m not trying to achieve anything.

I was talking about my food truck dream at work the other night && someone said it’ll never happen while the others either didn’t say anything or said food trucks make bank && if I apply myself I can achieve it. But… where do I apply myself at? I told Boyfriend that I’m working on it && my first step is that I ordered a credit card reader that goes into your phones charging port. It’s something silly and small, but at the same time I feel like I’m heading into the right direction.

What I need is a million people to give me one dollar. That’s it. Spare one dollar for me. If anyone is interested please let me know && I’ll set up the account. In the mean time, I’ll either keep thinking about my dreams, dreaming about my dreams, or trying to crawl out of this round of depression.

Either way, I seem to be doing something, right?

Once in a dream…

When I was younger I had a dream. It seems silly to me now, but as a child, it’s what I aspired to. I dreamed about what it would be like to stand in front of a crowd, chanting my name, holding lighters up wanting more.

I wanted to be a rock star!

I didn’t want to do it for the money or even the fame. If I wanted that, my choice would have been to be an actor – I just wanted to sing – to be on a stage.

That’s half the reason I chose to be in band – the other half, because I love music. Being in band (I played clarinet) gave me the opportunity to be on a stage multiple times a year. But it wasn’t enough, so in middle school I signed up for the talent show. First year I sang a Britney Spears song, yes, seriously, I was in middle school in the early 2000’s. The second time I sang an ‘Nsync song. (It may be the other way around – I’ve slept a lot since then.)

I may have lost both years but it was by far the best moments of my life. (That’s sad, right?) I probably would have kept entering it but thanks to a group of guys and their screamo, they stopped holding it. They eventually started again, but it was after I dropped out. (That’s for another day.)

As I have gotten older the feeling has calmed however the feeling still appears. My job has an event center which of course has a large stage. Sometimes we’ll have classes and I’ll space out staring at the stage – daydreaming.

The feeling has exploded but not exactly for the stage. I may still get that fuzzy feeling for the stage, but now I get that feeling for the printed word.

I was told once, “If you’re meant to do something you’ll always be thinking about it. When you go to sleep, wake up, and in between.” When I was younger it was singing, performing; anything dealing with the stage – that I thought about all the time. As I’ve aged my thoughts have changed and it’s always thinking about writing.

When I’m not writing, I’m thinking about it. That’s, I think, why I get so frustrated when I get “writers block”. It’s also why I get so angry at myself when I think about ‘Frost’.

I know I question whether I’m supposed to be a writer or not a lot, but it’s not because I don’t want to, but rather – shouldn’t it be easier? Is it normal for someone to take over six years to write a book? I mean, technically, I ‘finished’ it back in 2015. Since then I Have been attempting to edit it – all I seem to do is change things. I basically rewrite it, become aggravated, stop writing for months just to pick it back up – starting over at chapter one, to begin rewriting it again. I swear I have rewrote ‘Frost’ at least thirty times.

I’m never happy with it. I even know that I’ll always be my biggest critic – so why do I do this to myself?

I have this plan! My plan! A great plan! Since I am my biggest critic, and I will probably never like my writing, I decided that after it’s finished – COMPLETELY – I would offer three people the chance to read it and tell me what they think. People I know won’t sugar coat it, or lie because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. I know it’ll be rough, most first books are – I am not going to be the next Jane Austen (I find her work hard to read). I just want to find my voice, my way – be the best Barbara Hightower I can. That’s all I can achieve. I can’t try to be another writer – just me. Because I know, if I am not, I’ll always be disappointed in myself and that’ll be a crappy life.

But first – I must finish ‘Frost’ – which I say a lot. For most, that’s a simple request, but for me – Queen of Procrastination – not so much.

I figured I would end this with a poem –

Silence! I scream loud!
A void, I feel deep, expands,
Forming frustration.

Until next time!
Peace. Love. && Fried Chicken.