Take Two.

Tuesday the sixth.

I was called back by the surgeons office this afternoon. Woo! 🧑🏻‍⚕️ They were willing to set my appointment for tomorrow, but I can’t do that – I work tomorrow. So I told them Tuesday’s are best for me and I am free for whenever. So next Tuesday it is…

Normally I would ramble on and on about thoughts, worries, etc. But today will be short because I’m using my cell phone to write this. Why? Don’t laugh! 👀 One of my cats, Odis, was asleep in my computer chair && I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left the room to use my phone. ☎️

But I will say this much. My “fat brain” is freaking out && I know that it’s going to take a lot to calm it down. However, I know I need to do this to survive – I’m just, probably like everyone else on the planet that has done this surgery, scared of how it’s going to change me.

The thought of taking an hour to eat one scrambled egg terrifies me. Although, I’m pretty sure by 30 minutes in, I’m going to get bored of eating. 🍽️

I did have a check up with my doctor today. We didn’t do much so I have nothing new to go by. I did tell him that when I eat I sweat, which is weird – asked if I should be worried. He said no – he is pretty sure it’s because of my Trulicity. I also asked for a prescription of antacids because BOY! Woo! All I get anymore is heartburn. Sucks. I have an appointment next month to check my A1C. Hopefully it has gone down. I know my daily numbers are lower. Send a prayer up for me on that.

I will stop on that note && will pick it back up again later on.

Worlds.

Trying to break into worlds is hard.

No, this isn’t about me trying to find a way into another galaxy or proving that there is life in space. What I’m stating, is facts, that when you try to break into worlds it’s hard.

The writing community is huge. A lot of book worms, writers, authors, agents, editors, etc. && trying to get welcomed into it is like trying to sit at the popular table in high school. Sadly, I was never invited.

I have never been good at popularity contests && I wasn’t part of the “in crowd” && thinking that the writing community makes me feel like that is a harsh reality. I honestly know it’s not a popularity contest… but I feel like that. I also feel if you don’t have the money to spend you’ll never be published.

I figured the best way for an unknown is to publish it myself. Which is totally fine – I don’t mind doing the hard work. But I really wanted a professional editor to read through it, find the errors but unless I can poop out nearly $3,000 that will never happen. &&& I know they are worth the money, I just don’t have it to spend.

Then I think ‘okay, let’s skip the professional editing.’ Knowing that it’s self published, “most” readers will look over a lot of them. I will just edit the crap out of it.

Next hurdle. To self-publish, you need extra money. Thousands. I found a company that helps self publish but as I began reading I realized that not only do they request thousands of dollars they also keep 80¢ on every dollar for themselves so I would only get 20¢ of every dollar sold. Whereas, if I do it all myself and use Amazon, I get 70% of the royalties.

But then I think about going with my other passion but breaking into the food world is just as hard – if not harder. I guess when they say “you need money to make money” they weren’t kidding. But sadly, here I am with no money.

I did upload a couple chapters of the book. I figured if it gets enough notice that either that company will want to publish it or it shows that if I was to save the money, step-by-step it, that people would be interested in purchasing the book.

Up & Down.

I gained 8 pounds.

I get that it’s holiday season && everyone usually gains weight. But I didn’t really have the room to gain the weight. I also get that it’s not a lot of weight && weight goes up & down. But I’m sticking with the I don’t have the room to gain weight.

Last night before dinner my blood sugar was 515.

I cried.

I cried for three reasons:

Because my blood sugar was 515.
Because I was scared.
Because I really wanted what I had made. (Nachos)

I told Boyfriend I needed to get back to walking && exercising. MOving around & such. Last couple of months we have been eating horribly, stopped walking, etc. Today I we went grocery shopping && then afterwards, before I didn’t have the stamina anymore, we went for a walk. Almost 2 miles worth. Took approximately 50 minutes. But I did tell him while walking that this time last year I couldn’t walk two circles at the park without having to stop && sit down for a few minutes before finishing. Today I went six circles (the park is small) without having to sit down. Did I start hurting? Yes, of course, but I’ll take pain over having to stop before I walked for 30+ minutes.

The 8 pounds isn’t a horrible thing. It’s just ruining my small goals I have made for myself. I can’t hit them if I’m going in the wrong direction. A few changing && it’ll be better but first I have to start shopping better. Tonight I’m making stuffed mushrooms, mixed veggies. I won’t talk about the meat I chose – normally I eat chicken. Tonight I’m choosing not to. But as I told Boyfriend while walking – I have to walk out some calories so I can eat my meat.

The rut I have been in for a while is slowing ending. Whether it’s the exercising rut or the writing rut. I have been able to edit some more on my story. The last two weeks I have finished four chapters, which usually takes me four months.

So my two goals for the next couple of months:

Finish Editing Frost so I can finally find someone that can edit it again for me && tell me if it’s crap or not.
Finishing losing weight && attempt to not be so much of a horrible diabetic that maybe when I eat Chinese food it won’t go into the 300’s. (The 515 last night was because of what I chose to eat for lunch, I knew it was bad, but I did it. Now I know not to do it again.)
OH! & attempt to write more in this. I always say, every year, that I’m going to write more but I never do. I purchased a book off of Amazon the other day, “One Line a Day for Five Years” – maybe that’ll help. I have thought about finding one of those sites people use && put a couple of the chapters up of my story, but then I’m scared. So there’s that.

So with that, I’m going to wander back over to my chair && probably play a card game on my phone while I wait to make dinner. My stomach is growling.

Thanksgiving 2019: A Success!

This year seemed to be the same thing all around with most people “we didn’t have a lot of people and everything was pretty chill”. I am basically on that boat. We ended up having Thanksgiving a few days late (I had to work Thanksgiving) and I wanted to do a day everyone was off but that never seems to work out for me. So Tuesday, December 3rd it was.

Most years I find holidays annoying (yes, I seriously just said that). I have my reasons but if I put it here, someone reads it, now I have complications on my hands. Let’s just say that this year was enjoyable. Boyfriend & I started making dinner around ten in the morning – we put on the turkey, ham, && duck. Yes, I said duck; I wanted to try something new this year and I figured I’d give duck a shot. Basically, I gave it a shot && probably will never give it a shot again. Unless I go somewhere fancy and give it one cooked by professionals. Mine felt like tofu… it was weird.

Our day was so chill that I was basically finished with dinner by two o’clock && still had to wait for the Brother to show up. So, instead of fretting, and worrying, and freaking out, and flipping my girly wits! I took a nap in my chair as Boyfriend played on the xBox in the living room. I feel that’s what terrorizes people on holidays – the freaking out. I decided not to.

Naps are better.

By around six when the Brother showed up (this is the time he was supposed to arrive, he wasn’t late) dinner was ready and everyone could enjoy the labor of my cooking. We sat and ate, talked, and watched television. It was nice. Lots of laughter and food.

Now I just have to get ready for Christmas dinner in a few weeks – now to decide what I will cook for that day. Maybe something different? Christmas Spaghetti?