Tag: funny

Just for one day.

What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?

This is silly. But I would like to work in a Chinese restaurant for just one day.

My reasoning? I really, really, really want to know how Chinese restaurants make their egg drop soup.

I have found a few recipes I like. One more than the others. But it still doesn’t taste or feel like theirs. Theirs is creamy, thick && oh so delicious. Mine comes out good, but doesn’t have that creamy factor that the restaurants have.

Or… a bakery.

I try to do a side hustle of making desserts – who doesn’t love or buy desserts. (Besides me). But I can’t make icing and would love to work in a bakery just to learn how to make it properly.

To-do List.

Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.

That’s easy: dishes && laundry.

I know it said one thing but I’m pretty sure my dishes and laundry is in the same pot. I feel like the more I do of each, the more there is to do. Like they multiply. They have sex in the night && by morning they’ve reproduced by the millions.

Our dish washer broke. 😞 So it is going to be even more of a headache to do the dishes. But then again, I haven’t met anyone that loves to do dishes. Do you love to do dishes?

It takes three to four times to dry out laundry. Then when we finally get it dry, takes me another fourteen ages to actually fold and put it up. But I think a lot of people do that. 😂😂 When I lived alone I would do laundry, end up putting it on my bed, && sleeping with it for a good month. 🧺

But what can I say? 🍽️ 🧺

Learned Something.

In the 150 years that I have been alive I have always been told “it’s hot because of the humidity”. Okay, that’s fine, I get it.

The other night I was reading something that a friend wrote on Facebook (she lives in South Carolina) that it was In the 70’s. I stopped && thought ‘I wish it was in the 70’s here’ (104° that day). She mentioned the humidity making it extremely hot.

It got me to thinking. The hottest place I have ever been is Florida so I googled the humidity there – that day it was 78%. So I googled mine – I live in Oklahoma – ours was 34%. So I googled South Carolina – it was 34%. (Mind you, today as I write this, all three humidities are in the 70% but not the day I learned this.) That day here it was 104° &&& I felt like I was on fire.

All of this made me google the places with the highest humidity. The top five: Iowa with 82%, New Hampshire with 81%, Alaska with 81%, Maine with 80% && North Dakota with 80%. Alaska and Maine surprised me briefly until I remembered – water. Water heat. It makes your humidity sky rocket. Oklahoma sits at #34 with a 76% humidity && I cannot forget about Texas, since I was born there and I’m about 5 minutes from the state line- it sits at #29 with a 76% humidity. Deleware is the lowest with a 72% humidity.

So I learned it isn’t always the humidity. Sometimes, living in Satan’s butthole, it’s just hot.

I also think I may have been looking at the wrong numbers the other day with the 30% humidity. Today it’s 72% – though it’s 66% in Oklahoma City, 72% in Tulsa and Gage comes in at 49%. Amarillo, Texas is sitting at 58% whereas Houston is at a whopping 85% but Galveston is at 79%.

So there you have it. Todays humidity levels around Oklahoma and Texas.

Have a good day.

Bacon.

I googled today “blog topics”.

I really wanted to write a something but I didn’t have anything in mind to write about. So I pulled up the internet and googled it. Some of them were interesting but I came across one that made me laugh. Out of everything that you could possibly write about, the website said:

“Bacon. Who doesn’t love bacon?”

I laughed. I thought who would actually take the time to write a full blog about bacon? I understand that people do enjoy a good piece of bacon – alone, with something, in something, wrapped around something. But would someone actually read a full blog that was based on the popular breakfast food?

But the question more is – what could I say about bacon, that others haven’t already? Bacon. Pork Bacon.

I actually didn’t used to eat a lot of bacon as it upset my stomach, sometimes it still does. Then for awhile it gave me kidney stones because of the salt – although I found the underlying cause of that, so it wasn’t bacon. Recently, after the diabetes and such, I began cooking with bacon a little more. Not a lot of bacon, just enough to give a taste and probably a crunch since I overcook it (I tend to zone out).

I do enjoy the bacon jokes when people say they will take their bacon with a side of bacon, covered in bacon, and bacon on the side to dip their bacon in. When I still worked overnights && my job still has an employee dining room – I’d go get bacon, crumple it && put it in white gravy. Then I’d eat it with a spoon. Told that to the boyfriend && he said it sounded gross. Maybe not gross, but it could explain why I’m 9,000,000 pounds. (That might be a slight exaggeration.)

Bacon isn’t what will kill me. Butter is.

The websites also said to share a recipe with your readers. &&& since I chose bacon – I’ll share a bacon recipe with you. I call it warm corn and cabbage salad.

I first take a head of cabbage and chop it up.
Chop up an onion. I use white, but I’m sure it would be good with whatever kind you want to use.
Fresh corn on the cob – I cut the corn off.
Chop bacon into small pieces.

I first cook the bacon. I toss in the onions, and cabbage. Mmm-mm. After they cook a bit I add in the cabbage – season with your favorites (I tend to use pepper, onion powder, & garlic powder). Cook it a bit until you get the texture of the cabbage you want. Serve.

Well, I guess it is possible to write a blog about bacon.

Epic Journey…

The Boyfriend & I met in Yahoo! Pool when we were 18 or 19.  We bonded over things, not a lot of things, just some things.  Music.  Movies.  But mostly our love of writing.  He and I realized that we both have a soft spot for writing poetry, short stories, or even EPIC STORIES OF GREATNESS!

After we found each other again (after losing touch) the first question he asked me, “Do you still write?” (Of course I do!)

A few years ago The Boyfriend asked if I needed anything from the store before he came home from work.  I gave him my small list, which contained one item, and after a little bit I get tagged on Facebook and I wanted to share with the world (the few followers I have) what was wrote.  It’s been hidden far too long and I feel like people need to read it.

*Please be advised that as I type it up I will probably change a couple things because I’m OCD when it comes to a few things.

**Originally wrote on December 10, 2014 by Christopher Graves.

Journal Entry 547:

It was a normal day in the kingdom as I was sent out to deliver supplies to the local barters to insure that justice and peace was being upheld.  As I sit upon the horse drawn carriage I began day dreaming about a great adventure full of danger and caution; one the old ones wrote about.  Suddenly, I was disturbed by the Queen’s dove.  In its wing, it held a letter of great importance, since the dove only carries the most urgent letters.  I reached for the letter and as my fingers gripped the parcel the dove quickly flew away leaving a small bag of coins, a key with no teeth, and a map.  I unrolled the parchment and a grave message was written upon the page.

My champion, our kingdom is in grave danger!  The flames of hell are approaching our doorsteps and only you, alone, can calm the flames.  You must venture into the dark kingdom of Wal-Mart and retrieve the relic known as “The Tampons”.

I smile, as if my prayers had been answered.  At once I cut lose my faithful steed, Malibu, claimed my possessions, and off I went to begin my epic journey.

Journal Entry 604:

The days drew countless as I drew near the dark kingdom of Wal-Mart.  The grey sky started to turn black as I witnessed with my own eyes the twisted and hellish gates that housed this kingdom.  As I drew near the smell of death and burnt flesh filled my nostrils.  What lay before me?  Creatures wearing aprons covered in blood and the crowns of dead men that cried “Merry Christmas… Merry Christmas”; fear set in as I placed my back to my steed.  As I crept closer I notice a bucket full of gold – the coin bag!  How would the Queen know?!  I tossed the gold into the bucket and at once, every creature attacked the coin bag, ripping it into pieces sending the coins towards the heaven.  I jumped on this chance and made my way into this hellish realm sending my steed back to safety as I journeyed into the kingdom – along and frightened.

Journal Entry 804:

I fear this may be my last entry as the kingdom has drained what sanity I have left.  The map is of no use to me as it sends me in circles.

Has the flames of hell already taken my home and devoured all I know?

Journal Entry 805:

I found that the map wasn’t false as I had though originally, I just had it upside down.  As I pass many relics and artifacts of wonder, I leave them be, since they are not mine to take nor do they pertain to my quest.  I follow the map far into the back past “cosmetics, personal hygiene and the place known as Pharmacy”.  I take the key with no teeth and insert it into the key hole of a large chest and once it opens I claim my price.

Content, I find a nearby entrance and make my way home… to my Queen… to my Kingdom.

I actually stopped…

This will be short & quick.  It’s not long.  But I wanted to share because the girl at the grocery store thought it was hilarious.

Last night, after I finally rolled out of bed, I went up to the grocery store to get something for dinner.  As I was walking in a car alarm was set off.  I stopped.  Glanced behind me.  Looked at my car.  It wasn’t mine.  So I went on in.  Three steps inside the store I realized something.

 

I don’t have a car alarm on my car.

What made me stop & check my car for the car alarm I’ll never know.  It’s not like I’ve ever had one.

That was my “here’s your sign”…