Tag: gaming

Addictions.

I had a conversation with the husband the other day. On Facebook I’m in a group dedicated to the Duodenal Switch Surgery. Basically, it’s a place where people from around the world can come together and talk about issues or ask questions when they arise. I’ll be honest, most of the posts irritate me and I don’t ask many questions because they won’t just answer them. They attempt to educate you in ways that they think make them sound smart when all it does is irk my last nerve.

Anyway…

Some of them go on to talk about addictions they’ve gotten since losing the weight. They start with a food addiction, realize they can’t keep that up, so they move on to something else. Alcohol, drugs, sex, marriages, divorces – yes, some will divorce, get married, divorce, get married, etc. A lot, I have noticed, go to alcohol. They stop taking their vitamins and just drink.

I don’t drink. I didn’t drink before the surgery.
I don’t do drugs. Same as before. I rarely took Tylenol before surgery.
Sex. With the husband, great! But I’m not out just treking around trying to find sexual conquests.
Marriage. I did get married a year-ish after the surgery.
Divorce. I did not divorce anyone. I’m with the same guy today that I have been with since 2014 – I had surgery in 2024 – and unless he just disappears without a trace – he is stuck with me forever.

So, what did I get? I honestly feel I still have my food addiction. I’m not sure that’ll ever fade. But did I get anything else?

That’s what our conversation was about.

Playing Supermarket Simulator on XBox.

I was curious if I had picked up something since surgery. I have seen a lot of them become addiction to exercise. Other than a few months of water aerobics (the instructor I enjoyed was transferred out and I don’t like the one taking over) I wouldn’t say I picked that up.

So, what did I get? His answer was simple. Video games. && I told him I blame him. He is a video game nerd. I knew it when we got together. When he first moved in all he brought was a backet of clothes and himself. His first paycheck, because the bills I could do on my own, I told him he could use it for whatever he wants. Especially since he didn’t have anything. He bought an Xbox 360. That’s all you need to know about him and his video games.

Me? Barely played. When he moved in, I owned a Nintendo Wii – it wasn’t hooked up. Before him I might have played Super Mario Brothers on the NES. Sonic on the Sega. Then maybe small phone games that I could put on my cell phone.

2016ish, I saw him playing Grand Theft Auto 5. Up to this point, I hated those games. Hated the graphics, the plots. I might have been on the side of banning those games at one point because they were stupid. Then GTA5 – I became intrigued. Not because of the shoot everyone, run everyone over, strip clubs (this is still something people should take in account while talking trash about GTA6) – it was the game play itself.

When I play a video game I need objectives. I need something to do. I can’t just run around and shoot people. I get bored. That’s when I saw that GTA5 had objectives. So, I started playing it. Keep in mind this is way before the surgery. I played that from start to finish.

2018ish, I saw him Playing Fallout 4. Up to this point, I had never heard of a Fallout game so knowing it was already on 4 (which wasn’t the actual number of games, by the way) was not that surprising. My brother plays video games but all I’d usually watch him play was Call of Duty. So, I knew about those – Husband doesn’t like those.

I started playing Fallout 4. Sitting here today, 2026, I have played Fallout 4 multiple times from start to finish. I have a bunch of hours into it. && I will still just sit for hours and playing it – even though I know what happens on each quest, with each person, I can pinpoint the quests I’ll do or won’t do. I started purchasing the verified – he makes sure it’s verified so it doesn’t mess with my system – DLC’s so I can play more into it. ((For Fallout 4 players, The Bounty one is great. You can get a gun that is one shot one kill && I love it – but you can also do that with Kellog’s gun.))

Husband thinks that my love of these games came with the surgery. Mind numbing games – he calls them. Lately, I’ve been playing Supermarket Simulator – yesterday there was an update and I was mad – they broke the online orders so now with all of my employees in my store, I have nothing to do. I didn’t play it much yesterday, went and played Fallout 4 instead – I have it powered up today to see if maybe it works better.

We’ll see.

I don’t think the surgery found a love for video games. I think the Husband did.

I blame him.

So, with that theory, I don’t know what new addiction I picked up. I may just stick with my food addiction – because they food noise hasn’t disappeared. But last Wednesday I weighed 264 pounds – woo! But sadly, it’s still considered obese when you’re 5’2″. But starting at 326 pounds – I’m not complaining in my little obese body.

Concentration is hard.

I want to write.

Writing is all I think about. I think about writing more than I think about food && when you’re a foodaholic, that’s a lot. But when I sit down to write nothing seems to come out. Nothing seems to make sense && nothing seems to work our properly.

I cannot seem to concentrate when it comes to writing, or editing. My mind start wandering && I begin thinking about something else. Lately, I’ve been thinking about playing Fallout 4 – again. (Side note: I’ve already beat it once, but I have been working on beating it again where I side with a different side of the game. Last time I sided with the Institute && had to murder the Brotherhood. Now, I want to side with the Brotherhood.) Or I start thinking that maybe I just need to read more. Maybe that’s what is clogging up my brain, but at the same time, I can’t concentrate to read either.

I recently bought every book written by Harry Dolan (I really enjoyed his first book). I have them all sitting beside my bed just waiting. I began reading his second book but I cannot seem to concentrate long enough to read through it. When I start reading I begin thinking, maybe I should be writing && not reading. Then I pull out my book && start editing just in time for my brain to start thinking about Fallout 4.

It’s just a big old circle I would love to get out of.

Oh! Let’s not forget. When I’m sitting around doing nothing, writing, reading, or playing video games, my brain is screaming at me that I probably should be exercising. Speaking of, I told Boyfriend on Monday that I wanted to go for a walk. My right foot has been hurting ever since. But what makes it weird, I never went for my walk because just talking about it my foot started hurting && now I can barely walk on it without it hurting. Can someone tell my body to stop so I don’t die at 45?

So here I sit in front of the computer typing words into a white square so I can say I at least write something. I woke up the other day after having a very vivid dream. I went straight to the computer, sat down && pulled up a blog to write. I had decided that I would write something new, once a week, that would be a story that could be read like a television series. Something new every week. It’s still saved in my drafts. I never wrote it – which is the story of my life.

I have some great ideas when it comes to writing && then I just…. can’t. Maybe it’s I don’t. I have figured out that I sabotage myself. Maybe I do that with writing too? All I know for sure, 100% – if I don’t finish something I will never be published. Whether it’s self-published or published through a company, it’ll never happen if I don’t do something now. I feel like I’m running out of time.

Although, that’s not true. Some of the writers I read don’t get published until they are in their 40’s or older. There’s never a stopping point. You’re never too old to do something different. I read a story once about a romance writer (mommy porn) that didn’t write her first book until she was in her 80’s. But then I hear stories about writers who write && publish their first book at 14. I think it just depends on the person && how much time they dedicate to writing.

November will be 9 years of writing/editing this book. I have been writing this book way too long.

I didn’t start one back when I was 19. Then my computer crashed && I lost everything. EVERY. THING. I swore then I’d never write another. But in 2012 (25 years old) I was overcome with the inspiration && just started writing. Like I can remember the whole time line. 2015, January, I finished the rough draft. I can remember because I was at work && I wanted to scream. But I calmly told my supervisor && co-workers which they told me to scream. So I squealed. Three years of writing, finally done. Now, I had to edit. It’s not 2021 && I am still editing that stupid book.

I know I talk about this a lot. As much as I talk about it you’d like I would just finish it. How hard is that for me to understand && grasp?

JUST. FINISH. THE. BOOK.