Journey Update #1

I can’t sleep.

Which wouldn’t really surprise anyone that knows me. Sometimes I can lay down && just fall asleep, other times, not so much. Tonight is “other nights”.

Wandering around the house I remembered I haven’t updated y’all on my journey so far. So, let’s do that.

Today is April 17, 2025 – it has been five months and four days since having the surgery – 155 days. I have lost 81 pounds. The first three months I lost 60 pounds – knowing I have only lost 20 pounds in two months makes me sad. I don’t know if this is normal.

I’m on a DS Support Group on Facebook – my surgeons office told me to join one. Everyone will post that in six months they pulled off 120 or more pounds. It makes me wonder if I’m doing something incorrectly.

But let’s talk about the positive:
1. I’m off all diabetes medications. My A1C went from 8.7 to 5.3 by month three.
2. When I had the surgery, I was on seven different blood pressure meds. Today, I’m on one.
3. I can walk without getting winded.
4. I fit in my car. (Technically, I fit in my car before, but there was no gap between me && the steering wheel.) I was driving today && for a moment though I feel small in my car.
5. I have been able to buy clothes from Wal-Mart. Last time I remember doing that I was about 19. After that, my weight went up causing me to only buy from Woman Within (plus size clothing store online for anyone wondering). After I started the job, I have now, I gained more weight. What else are you supposed to do when having a sit-down job? The answer to that – eat. After I started dating boyfriend I gained more weight. I don’t think I meant to, but it happened. So, the idea of buying clothes in a store just left. I have bought shorts && shirts from Wal-Mart && that made me happy.
6. People are always telling me I can see the difference. So, there must be a difference, right?
7. I haven’t weighed under 250 pounds in… goodness, I can’t remember when I weighed it. Maybe when Boyfriend && I first started dating back in 2014? Possibly.

I don’t see the difference. All I see is the fat around my waist. (No, I’m not making it up, there is still fat there.) I can feel the thinning of my hair && see it when I brush my hair. I caught a glimpse of my reflection today… my face looks the same. But I wonder… will my face change? I know when people lose weight their face slims, but even when I was younger && weighed 205 pounds, my face was fat. Possibly kid fat face? But it was fat. Maybe I’ll just be one of those chunky faced people.

The DS Support group has stated many times that once you hit six months, that’s your biggest weight loss. After that, you’ll lose slower and not very much more. I really wanted to be 120 pounds down at six months. Where did I get these numbers? Out of a hat, possibly, but I’m not going to hit it. One of the ladies in the group said that I’m probably going to hit 150 pounds – when? && do I want to weigh 150 pounds? According to my height, on the BMI chart, I’ll still be considered overweight. Everything says I need to weigh 110 to 125 pounds.

Even when I was a kid, I never wanted to weigh 110 to 125 pounds. I still don’t.

I think I have mentioned my goal before. My first goal was to reach when my driver’s license said – because you know, I have never told the truth. It was 276 pounds. Then I just wanted to get under 250 pounds. I have technically done that, but I keep bouncing between 248 && 253 pounds. One day I’ll be on the lower side, then two days later I’ll be over 250.

I would also like to mention in that DS Support group they said when they do the surgery, they remove the part of your system that tells you that you’re hungry. That you’ll never “feel hungry”, but you need to eat anyways. Okay… hear me out… I think he left mine in. Because I do feel hunger. My stomach will growl. && I know that because right now my stomach is growling, but it’s 11:09 PM && I don’t think I should be eating again. I wake up every morning… EVERY. MORNING. I wake up hungry. Stomach growling. Tumble rumbles. I first thought it was gas, because that comes with it. But I realized a few days in… that’s hungry.

I’m 37 years old. && until I had this surgery, I didn’t know what “feeling hungry” felt like. I never gave my system enough time to feel hungry. My inability to stay away from food, or my need to eat when I felt weird… kept me from feeling it.

Carbs don’t bother me. Pasta. Rice. Breaded foods. (Don’t think I’m eating that day in && day out, I don’t. I haven’t had pasta since November – I had rice the other night at a Mexican restaurant.) Know what bothers me? SUGAR.

I made a cake the other night for my work peeps. I tasted the icing to make sure it was decent tasting. Oh. My. Goodness. My stomach hurt all night. Mind you, before you get all judge mental, even before the surgery, I rarely ate sugar. Stop giving me that look. You know the look. The look people give fat people when they say I don’t eat/drink sugar. because it’s automatically a lie, right? How else would I have gotten fat?

One word. Ramen.

When I learned to cook ramen noodles in the microwave, it was downhill from there.

Oh, I lied up there. I have eaten pasta since November. That’s how I know it doesn’t bother me. I will make ramen broth – most of the time I’ll take the packets out && toss the noodles (boyfriend don’t eat them so I have no need to keep them), but every now && again, I’ll crumble the noodles and add about a handful of them. It’s rare, though.

I just want to keep it real. No lies. Just honesty.

Do I think that’s what my issue is when it comes to losing slow? I don’t know. Is it something medical? I don’t know. I know at my third month appointment the dietician mentioned weight loss shots. Here’s the thing – I had this surgery so I wouldn’t be on shots for the rest of my life. I still don’t want to me. My issue right now?

I don’t want to be fat when I get married in July.

But honestly, I feel like I will be. && that makes me sad.

Journey Restarted: Part Five

I haven’t talked about the journey much lately. Mostly because for a bit I was irritated. Every, all at once, seemed to want to stop me.

I have yet to have the surgery. Yes, I’m aware I said June. But they needed a cardiologist to sign off. I was able to go to the new one in June – then had to wait for tests he wanted me to do. Now that they are all finished – they are willing to sign off. I called the weight loss people && explained that to them. Told them to fax the paperwork over to the cardiologist’s office && that they’d sign off.

That was a week ago.

Journey Restarted: Part Four

June 26th.

We finally have a date scheduled for the actual surgery. June 26th. I had hoped to have it at the end of April to the beginning of May, however, I haven’t got a cardiac clearance yet, so I have to wait a little longer. I’m in the process of changing my cardiologist and I couldn’t make an appointment until June 13th. This is why I have to wait until the end of June.

The main part I have to wait for is approval from the insurance company, which they do pay for bariatric surgery. I think the only thing I wish they’d tell me is how much. It’s like the amount of money through the whole thing has been a huge secret, that they can’t tell me until two or three days before the actual appointment. Then I have to hope I have enough money to even go to the appointment. For example, they scoped my stomach a couple weeks ago. The appointment was on a Friday, they told me Wednesday that I needed $1500 for the actual procedure and 200$ for the doctor.

Don’t get me wrong, they did tell me at the start of this how much the surgery would be with the insurance if I don’t hit my out of pocket. However, they didn’t tell me how much it would be if I do hit my out of pocket, which I did, && I doubt they’ll tell me anytime soon. I’m hoping I have enough saved.

But I am nervous and excited at the same time.

I’m nervous because I have seen a lot of people talk about how their blood sugar is now extremely low && can only do so much to keep it up. I am used to having high blood sugar levels, so the thought of it being low, && not knowing what to do, scares me. They also talk about stinking all the time. I’ve always been paranoid about smelling bad, so that makes me nervous. Although, more people say that they don’t stink compared to the ones who say they do. They have stated that they do smell slightly different, not bad, just different.

I’m excited though. I’m excited about the thought of eating like a normal person. I was talking to someone I work with the other day && they were talking about how they can take two or three bites (they didn’t have the surgery, they use the shots that work for a little while until you stop taking them then you put all the weight back on, no, not a fan of using those shots as weight loss) and is full. I sat there smiling thinking “I can’t wait for that”. Food wise, I’m excited about the pudding, yogurt and Jello. I am also a big fan of soup, so that’s something else I’m excited for. But most of all, I’m excited at the thought that maybe, just maybe, I will not be diabetic any longer.

Being diabetic is hard.

The only thing I have been wondering is what will it do with my heart. I know my heart is doing better now than it was when I was hospitalized, but is that because of the medication I take for it? If I were to stop talking it, would my heart go back to the way it was in 2021? Will this surgery help with that && maybe not be on the medication any longer? I know it won’t fix my kidney issues, but I’m hoping it’ll at least slow down the decrease in function. I know my high blood sugar is not helping my kidney’s work properly. && the fact that one of them is smaller than normal, && then take in the function has decreased. Will the surgery assist in slowing all that down?

Yeah, I don’t know either.