This year I don’t find myself wanting much.  Is “needing” a better word to use?  

I wanted to apologize for not writing as much as I should.  Even as young child, I always seemed to have other things to do.  I never seemed to write.  I feel horrible about that.  

Today I sit at my laptop and I write you a letter.  A letter basically saying I haven’t been ‘perfect’, but who has?  We all have our things that tear us away from what we want to be.  Words we choose to use.  Actions.  Dreams.  

We start every year with a resolution saying how we will be better to people than the year before.  But we don’t.  We never seem to do any better, no matter how hard we try.  This year I want to.  I want to write a letter to you next year at the time telling you all of the great things I chose to do instead of walking away.  Hiding and staying quiet.

This year, however, Santa I don’t deserve anything.  I haven’t lived up to the life that a person should.  I haven’t done anything great and I keep deciding to do the complete opposite of what I truly want to do.

Hopefully next year,

Sincerely,
Barbara

(Also, yes, I know that you know what my dream was about last night.  I can’t control those.  You should dream like that more often.  Maybe you wouldn’t eat so many cookies.)