Starting the day…

My favorite way to start my day is…

…by going back to bed. 😆 All jokes aside, there is a little truth behind that laugh.

I’m not sure I actually like this question. Everyone starts their day about the same. I wake up. Put on glasses. Go to the restroom. Sometimes I lay back down just because I can. Most of the time I put on clothes, take meds, go about my day.

At least we know that this question was not meant to be in the form of a blog.

I almost forgot to write today. Started watching “Young Sheldon” and my mind was occupied. Went to lay down for the night – I have work in the morning so it’s around 6:30 PM – and realized I hadn’t wrote for today. So that’s what I’m doing. I know missing one day is fine, but I don’t want to. I really want to make a good effort in writing at least once a day. Still trying to get that motivation back.

I have also started using my Kindle again. Got a free book this month && so now I’m trying to get back to that. My goal is at least 12 books this year – I read seven last year – which is one book a month. I should be able to do that.

I know today’s entry isn’t the best it could be. But at least it’s something. It’s getting my brain going – which is better than nothing, right?

To morning – or not to morning…

What gets you up in the morning?

First off I should mention that I am not a morning person. I have never been a morning person. So the fact that I wake up at 3:00 AM for work, isn’t not favorable for me.

So what gets me up in the morning? Mostly my alarm clock && the need to make money. Because when I’m off I do not wake up in the “morning”. Maybe late morning – you know, around 9 AM to 11 AM. For example, today, I rolled out of bed at 11 AM.

My decision on when I wake up is that if it’s still dark outside I don’t get out of bed. Then of course if I’m extra comfortable, I don’t get out of bed. Or if it’s cold and I’m warm – I don’t get out of bed. See the trend? I usually get out of bed if my body is screaming for me to get up. Usually by my back hurting – which is still hurting, by the way.

I know this question was probably meant for a deeper answer but that’s all I have for it. Are you a morning person? ☀️

Dreams: Do they come true?

What do you think it will take to make your dreams come true?

I have always been curious if the “American Dream” is true? && is it only for people who weren’t born over here? I know that sounds horrible to even say, but sometimes I feel if you were born in America we don’t have the “American Dream” because we’re already American. But I guess that’s for a different day.

What do I think I need to make my dreams come true? Depends on which dream we are talking about. I don’t know if it’s normal for one person to have a couple dreams. But we’ll break each one down.

Writing/Publish a Book: We all knew this was going to be number one. It’s the dream I have had since I was in fifth grade when I started writing to begin with. I know what it’ll take, I don’t have to give it much thought. I have to get out of my head. Being stuck inside of your own head is a dangerous place to be. && that’s what holds me back a lot. I worry too much about what people will think of my writing instead of realizing that I’m a better writer than what I see in my head.

I need to stop being so scared of people reading what I write. Yes, I know I write in this. But this writing seems different in my head than writing a story. && technically it is. This is me just typing out thoughts and putting them on a screen. A story has to have plots, and ideas, and follow through, and understanding, and great characters. That’s what scares me. You know, to this day, only one person has fully read Frost from start to finish.
Making money from this blog: I know it’s possible for people to make a side hustle using their blog. There are things called “Mommy Blogs”, “Food Blogs”, “Book Blogs”. But they have the one thing I don’t. A theme. A reason to write a blog. I have been writing a blog on and off since I was seventeen. SEVEN. TEEN. That’s been nearly 20 years of me writing a blog && I have a following on here of less than 300. I’m about 75% sure it’s because I have no theme.

I have thought about turning it into a book blog. Writing about books I read and what I thought of them && if I recommend them. I shot that thought away when I realized that I don’t read enough to do that. I read a lot – usually – if I’m not in a slump, however, I get in slumps a lot.

I gave travel food blogger a thought for about three minutes. Then I realized I don’t travel – so I thought, what about just food? I know food blogs are interesting if written by the correct person, but I’m pretty sure no one wants to read about what I cook for dinner every night. Plus, I’m not sure if I’d have enough content for it. Also, uploading pictures on here is a headache.

I’m not a mommy so mommy blog is out the window. I am an Aunt, but no one writes an Aunt Blog. That’s silly.

So it’s left me blank. Which is what has brought me to where I’m at today. Just a blog about whatever I can think of writing about. Maybe I’ll write about a book that I enjoyed reading or maybe I come across a recipe that really stuck out or possible I liked a kitchen gadget really well && I want to talk about that. Maybe a drink I can’t live without, or a new product I found that made me smile. Do I think this idea will ever bring me to making money off of it? No, I don’t. Because if I haven’t in that last 20 years, I doubt it’ll start now. So the blog itself, I guess, is more for me. But trust me, if you like it, please follow & share && enjoy.
Cooking/Food Truck: I haven’t had this dream as long as the writing side of me. I didn’t start cooking until I was 15 && that was out of necessity. Fifteen is when I lost my mother which left me, my dad && brother. I didn’t want to live on bologna sandwiches for the rest of my life, so I began to learn to cook. However, I didn’t begin to enjoy cooking until I was nineteen. That’s when I started reading cookbooks, and watching cooking shows, and coming up with my own recipes.

So the food truck / traveling blogger dream didn’t appear until it was way to late to really do much with cooking. There are so many programs out there for younger people who enjoy cooking – however, once you hit eighteen, just like any other profession, you are screwed.

But to get that dream – I need money. I could be the best cook in the state of Oklahoma, but without money, or a backer, you don’t have anyway of starting up a food business. I think I could make money off this blog before I could get a food truck. To be a traveling food blogger you need money. I’m not going to be one of those people who travel somewhere then tell the people “you let me have this for free because I’m a blogger && it’ll bring you more business.” && yes, people do that. && if you do that, && you’re reading this – STOP IT. Pay the businesses like the rest of the people && if you like it then tell your followers that you liked it && they can go enjoy it themselves by paying the businesses. && go for small businesses. They need it a lot more than some huge butt chain of butt people. No one likes butt people.

So, here I sit. Daily. Writing in this blog. Hoping inspiration hits && I don’t have to only write these daily prompts out of this book. Remember, if you like this topic, write it in yours but attach my blog to it. && if you’re curious about the book, “A 5 Year Question A Day? Memory Journal” – I bought it at Wal-Mart. (&& no, if you click the link I will get nothing from it.) But that’s the book I keep getting the prompts out of. If you buy it && start using them – somehow credit me. Bring me the views. ❤️

Second Chances: Yes or No?

How do you feel about second chances?

I know I started doing these one a day questions so I could find my passion for writing again, but if you’re following along and find a question you like, feel free to write about it. Tag back to me. See if we can get people to start one a day writing.

If you had asked me twelve or thirteen years ago how I felt about second chances, I’m pretty sure my answer would be different. (Keep in mind twelve years ago I was around 24.) Then I would have said everyone deserves a second chance. && while I still do think some do deserve a second chance, I’m not as lenient about who gets the second chance.

In my late teens to early twenties I would have said everyone deserves second chances. Everyone deserves a chance to show that they’d changed for the better. I honestly believed it. To the point that I was writing people in prison so they knew, that when their second chance started, they’d have a friend that believed in them. (I was around 15 to 17 when I was doing that. I don’t do that anymore. Although, I do miss having a pen pal.)

I think after the 100th time behind shafted for being so naïve, is when I finally stopped giving second chances to everyone. Now, of course, I do still believe, in some cases, that people do deserve second chances. && if I did something stupid, that someone, somewhere, would give me the second chance to prove I”ve changed.

However, I do not believe in double-second-chances. Once I give you a second chance to prove yourself, you do it again, I’m done. I’m walking away. Never looking back. I’m tired of being the laughing stock – the butt of jokes – just because at one point in my life I really believed in people && thought if they really wanted to change, they could.

What I have learned is. If they do want to chance. They can. But it has to be their decision and I cannot make that decision for them. I can’t be the one who is always cheering them on when they won’t take the first step to actually do what they need to do to prover that they are a changed person. Which is what second chances are. They are there to prove to everyone around you that you are ready to be a better person and not do the stupid, ignorant, convoluted things you were doing in the past. But if you can’t commit to the change, why should I go out of my way to help you?

Can you tell I’ve been burned a few times?

I think my issue is that I haven’t been burned a lot with second chances, that was usually with a family member, because why would a family member screw you over multiple times? (I did say I can be naïve.) I think my issue is who to trust more than who needs a second chance.

I have had friends through my life that I sit and wonder why we were “friends” && whether or not we were actually friends. I’m sure a lot of people think that way at some point in their lives. But I feel like I’ve thought it more often than I should. I could give examples, but I’m sure some of them will read this && then send me stupid messages && I don’t want to deal with it.

So in your opinion, second chances.. are they worth it? Or should everyone just steer clear of them? Are people worth it to see if they’d change?

Procrastination.

What is something you’ve been procrastinating with that you can no longer put off?

I’m a huge procrastinator – so it’s not hard to believe that I have put a lot of things off. But one thing in particular I’ve been thinking about since 2021 – since my health decided to decline, but not too terribly. I’m still living && not dying any time soon.

However. As a reasonable person, I do realize if I don’t do something now, it won’t be like that. I’m staring down the barrel of a 45, not literally, but I am.

I think I’ve talked about it before a couple of times where I was thinking about doing it. I’m done thinking. It’s time to git’r’done.

My procrastination is about weight loss surgery.

I put it off because I’m actually terrified to do it. But most of the fears are dumb – big head little body. Losing too much weight. The surgery not working && I’m back to where I started. Those fears. But the upside to doing it is a lot better than the silly fears I have.

Boyfriend asked me to marry him on my birthday. I said yes. How can I look into the future with him like that if I don’t do something about my health? I refuse to force him to bury another girlfriend before he is 40. I refuse to force my brother to bury me before we’re 40. I refuse to force my friends to bury another person before we are 40 – just because I can’t control my weight.

Even pulling off the weight I do still have health issues. Kidney issues. Heart issues. But I know that if I pull off this weight that a lot of it will get a teeny bit better. I need a better relationship with myself before I can expect everyone else to have it.

So 2024 will be the year of me. I will get back into the groove for the surgery and pull this weight off. That way I can live a bit longer than most expect. Plus. I’m 36 years old && I’ve never seen the world as a thinner person. The smallest I can remember being was in high school – I weighed 205 pounds. Doesn’t sound a lot? I’m 5’2″. 205 pounds would be great if I was 5’7″ or taller. But I’m short. And round.

Here’s to finding out what Barb looks like thin. Hopefully it’s not scary!

Mistakes.

What mistake do you vow never to repeat again?

I’m not sure why this is even a question. If it’s a mistake, and I made it, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to repeat it again. Any of them.

Mistakes are hard to admit when you’re not sure if it was a true mistake. Maybe I did some things I’m not proud of – but wouldn’t those things just make me who I am?

Dropping out of high school was a mistake.
Not going back to college was a mistake.

But not going for what I truly want out of life due to being afraid is a mistake. One I shouldn’t have ever made. Probably the hardest one. && no, I won’t make it again.

This one is short, but I don’t have many words to go along with the question. So we’ll just end it here.

Have a great night! I’ll see you tomorrow.

Lottery Winnings.

Daily writing prompt

What would you do if you won the lottery?

View all responses

Boyfriend && I daydream about this a lot. What would we do if we won?

First, of course, is to pay off the house. Mostly so I can get another one. We got shafted hardcore when we bought this house. The two ladies that lived here, who sold it to us, lied about everything. Every. Single. Thing. I’m not a violent person, but I’m pretty sure if I seen them again I’d punch them in the nose. A part of me hopes they read this. So they know how pissed off I am about this house.

So we’ve paid off the house. Bought a new one. Now I’m going to pay off debts. The debts I have gotten because my job, for 11 years, didn’t pay me enough to live comfortably. So now I have things I pay off monthly, so the raise they gave me last year kind of disappeared because that raise is now paying off debts. Which is why I secretly dream about being able to make money off my blog. But that’s for a different day. So credit cards, loans, && the one car we are still paying on. Paid off.

Then I’d buy my brother a house. His dreams was always to buy a large plot of land, put two houses on it, and him && I live on it together. I realized the other day I wouldn’t be able to leave where I live right now. I like the location hate the house so staying here isn’t a huge problem. But I realized that I would have to catch thousands of cats && take them with me. I wouldn’t be able to just leave them. Even the strays. Plus, Baby && Milo, the two cats we lost last year, they are buried here. I won’t leave me alone. Again.

Food truck. That’s next on the list. Told Boyfriend, the first thing on my list is a food truck plus a large truck to pull it. (I asked him the other day what is the first thing he’d want to buy. We actually bought a lottery ticket – but of course – we didn’t win. He said he’d want a better car. Nothing crazy, just something that wouldn’t fall apart on us as fast as the two we have now. But I want my food truck. Or the log building at the end of my road. I’d take that for a café.

After that. I really want to give money to our town. I’d love to redo the town park. Update the toys, repave it.. maybe add a splashpad for the summertime. Possibly buy a piece of land && open a pool – if the town didn’t disagree with it. I would also love to open a cat sanctuary. I know that sounds weird – but there isn’t any. They have places to take dogs, rabbits, pigs, etc. but no one has anything that takes cats. Pounds take cats. Then kill them. I don’t want all the cats on the planet to die. So we figured why not?

It’s nice to dream about it though. Dream about what I could do to help. I’m telling you, I’d be a fantastic rich person. I’d probably be so fantastic that I’d eventually be poor again. I told Boyfriend to be honest I don’t need millions of dollars. I just need about $500,000 && I’d be set for life. Well, not life. But I could get a new house and pay off debts. If I did that I would be great. Then I could look into the future smiling.

I still do my joke though. Telling people if every person who comes across me cashapp’d me one dollar. Just one single dollar. I’d eventually get to the amount I really needed. $HightowerBarb *winks* I did it a couple weeks ago && got 4$. Plus, my theory – most people can give someone a dollar without batting an eye. It’s simple and most don’t think about a dollar. Has it worked? No. Not in the least.

Chapter Three.

What did you learn from last year?

People ask questions like this for insight, to make things sound better than they did the year before. I”m not sure I’m that inquisitive.

2023 sucked. I think it sucked for everyone one way or another.
Mine sucked because I had a lot of heart ache. It was the year anniversary of my best friends death. She died in July of 2022, but I felt the year aftermath. I buried my cat, which to a lot doesn’t mean much. But the end of March will always be a sad time for me because that cat was… I’ve always made fun of people (to myself not to them) when they tell me that their cat or dog is like a child to them. Until Dotty was born. Dotty was… Right now I’m looking down the barrel of that year aftermath && I know when March gets here it’s going to hurt just as much as it did in 2023 when I found her.

But at the same time, 2023 was great!
I got a raise at work. If I didn’t have debts before the raise because I couldn’t afford to live beforehand, the raise would be great.
I got engaged to Boyfriend. Planning on doing that in 2025.

But did I learn anything?

I would love to say that I learned a bunch. That I went on some soul searching journey && found the meaning of life. Or that I realized what was missing in my life. Or something huge && big.

All I realized is that I only read seven books this year, and one of them that I thought I read was actually in 2022. I also realized that I haven’t written anything since I finished Frost && that’s been at least three years.

Maybe 2024 will be the year I actually learn something? Or realize something? Or feel something I haven’t felt before.

Making Excuses.

What do you want to be different about this year?

While wandering around Wal-Mart in their tiny book section I came across “A 6 Tear A Day Memory Journal”. It has lined pages and each day has a new question to answer. I have had it for a couple months && I’ve been waiting for January 1st so I could actually start answering them. So that’s what I’m doing. I started yesterday && every day I’m going to answer the question for that day.

What do I want to be different about this year? That could go many directions but to be honest, I’d really just like to stop making excuses && actually jump out the window into the pouring rain && never look back.

When it comes to losing weight, I have excuses.
When it comes to writing more, I have excuses.
When it comes to following my dreams, I have excuses.

I’m pretty sure I’d have an excuse for any && everything you might wanna send my way. But I’m tired of trying to think of excuses as to why I can’t do something. Starting now, I’m done with that. I’m either going to do it or not do it. There’s going to be no more I’d write more if I had something to write about. No more, I’d lose weight if I could find the time to exercise. No more I can’t follow my dreams because my dreams are dumb.

Sitting here today do I know that stopping the excuse making will help me achieve anything that I want? No.
Will it help? Probably not.
But at least this way, I can say I gave it my all && didn’t make an excuse as to why it didn’t happen.

Happy New Year!

What is your number one New Years Resolution?

My New Year resolution doesn’t really change much. But it ranges. One year it’ll be to write the next great American novel. The next year it will be to lose weight. The next will be back to writing & then to losing weight. It’s a back and forth battle I’m probably never going to win.

2020 was to lose weight.
2021 was to write more.
2022 was to lose weight.
2023 was to write more.
2024, back to losing weight.
2025 – will be to write more.
See how that works?

Maybe this year I just need to say both – lose weight && write more.

I have been watching sitcoms lately that have already finished. No longer airing. Right now I’m on Mike & Molly && a part of me is jealous of the decision that Molly made. For anyone who didn’t watch it, she was a teacher for ten years. During a state standardized test she flipped a switch – crawled out of her classroom window && into the rain – telling her students to never stop dreaming. That’s the day she walked away from her career to make writing her full time job. Has she been having ups and downs? Thinking she wasn’t good enough? Looking into other jobs – driving instructor, forklift driver. Well yes.. But a small part of me wishes I could just crawl out a window at work and into a rainstorm and never look back. But sadly, my job has no windows && I can’t just quit my job because I need the income that being a full time unpaid writer wouldn’t give me.

But at the same time, of course, I wonder to myself – would I be okay without working? I took two weeks vacation in November && by the end of it I was pretty grumpy. I’m not sure if it’s because of me not going to work or if it’s because most of it I was alone because Boyfriend was still going to work – he didn’t have the vacation time to take off like I did.

In conclusion to my rambling. 2024’s main goal is to lose weight. The minor goal is to write more. The smallest of goals (say that in your head with a squeak to your voice) is to become a paid writer of sorts. It can even just be a blog writer. I’ll be okay with that. && be able to crawl out of my works window, into the pouring rain, and never look back.