Welcome to 2025!

Happy New Year!

It’s been a little bit, I think I began an entry a few weeks ago, but I never finished it. Then forgot. So, I haven’t posted in a bit. That’s okay.

It’s 2025, January, and here I sit. Normally I would do a recap of the previous year and tell what my resolutions are, but let’s be serious, no one ever keeps their resolutions – so, why make them?

I will at least update on my progress. It has been two months and three days since surgery. I have lost 49 pounds. A BMI change of 8.9 – which the paperwork they gave me at preop says in three months I should be down 10 points on the BMI charts. I guess I’m just grooving along.

Luckly, I haven’t had any complications. I prayed hard before surgery not to have complications – that was my biggest fear. I read stories of individuals who have had this surgery previously and they talk about all of their issues. One – that a lot seem to have – is puking for the first 4 months, every time they eat. Or having foods that they try not settle well and they end up with excruciating pains from gas. I have been lucky so far, I will say so far, I’m only two months in, but I haven’t had anything horrible. I have had raw vegetables and cooked – they settle well. A lot of people talk about lettuce and cabbage not settling well and that they give them horrible gas pains – I did get gas from the cabbage, but let’s be honest here – y0u and me both get gassy from cabbage.

I think if I pick any type of issue that I have would have to be not hitting protein or water on my days off. You’d think being at home it would be easier to hit but for some reason I am more religious about stuff at work. I have put a lot of reminders on my cell phone for “drink water”, “vitamins”, && “protein drinks”. So far, they have been working.

I would like to say that I am going to write more this year, but I attempted that last year. && as y’all know, that didn’t work. Although, I did a wonderful job starting out last year but then fell off the wagon.

I think if I pick any resolutions this year would be to write more, read more and not get overwhelmed with planning my wedding. Yeah! That’s this year. July of this year! Right now, every time I think about it I feel like my head is going to explode because I have never done this.

I have never helped anyone plan a wedding.
I never had thoughts about a wedding because I didn’t think I would be getting married.

The only things I have made decisions about is who is making the cupcakes, the officiant (which is going to get ordained just for us), the DJ, the food, and the location. That seems like a lot, but now it’s to the part that involves money – the only thing I am close to having is the money for the DJ.

&& I still kind of, sort of, a little bit of me, wants to turn this blog into a food blog. Even if the other day I told Boyfriend that people don’t make the money off food blogs anymore because it is so popular to do. The only question I ask myself, will I do a huge life story before I put anything about the food?

People do that.

Journey Restarted: Part Six

We have to back track just slightly. Let’s go back to June – where my insurance denied me the first time.

September – I’m becoming impaitent so I call the doctors office. At this point, I have done everything that the doctor has asked of me && what the insurance company has asked of me. So, my question was, why am I still not having this surgery? The only thing the office tells me is that I have been denied. Okay, but why?

I call the insurance company myself. I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to assist in the decision-making process. They told me the doctor’s office needs to do a peer-to-peer review – which she does send in.

Fast forward to last Tuesday, November 4th – I’m at work && the doctor’s office calls me to tell me that the insurance has denied me once again. She tells me that sometimes if the insured person calls the insurance that sometimes help. I talk to the people around me at work and they pump me up – I end up calling the insurance that day. With one question, “why do I keep getting denied?”

The insurance lady ends up calling the doctor’s office on three-way, so we are all talking together. They “duke” it out. We all hang up. Said they’d let us know something by the end of the week && if they don’t, for one of us to call them back.

Wednesday the doctor’s office calls me. I’m prepared to be told no, again. But this time – it’s actually good news. She tells me that the insurance has approved the surgery && they aren’t really sure why they denied it because the 20-page peer-to-peer that the office wrote should have been enough.

I wanted to have the surgery before the end of the year was up because I’m out of pocket on my insurance. Which means everything has been going very quickly. Friday, I went for pre-op conversation at the doctor’s office. Monday, the 11th, I went for pre-op testing in Frisco. The 12th was my 37th birthday. Today, the 13th of November, is my surgery day.

Yup! You read that right! Today is the day. I’m nervous && hungry. I’m not sure why. People three times my size has had weight loss surgery before && they were fine. It’s not like I haven’t been put under before – even after the heart issues – I came out just fine. (I did warn them, again, that I sometimes wake up a little violent from anesthesia. I always think back to being 19 when I had my gallbladder removed && woke up && almost hit a nurse. I didn’t. She was fine. But I always want to tell them, just in case. When I had the stomach scope, I woke up fine. But sometimes I wonder if it was because I woke up alone when I was 19, when I had the scope, Boyfriend was sitting beside me. So, when I opened my eyes, he was the first thing I saw. When I was 19, my dad && brother were there, just in another room.)

Now, let’s discuss the downsides to having surgery in November. Today is approximately two weeks before Thanksgiving. (&& I’m not just going with the fat part of my brain, I kind of am). I had plans – I was going to make a prime rib! I can’t make prime rib now. Well, I could – but I’m not. I refuse to pay for a prime rib (i was going to buy two, one to roast && one to smoke) && not be able to eat it myself. No siree. I will eventually purchase the prime rib && make it. But I won’t be on solid food before Thanksgiving.

Christmas is next month! That’s my holiday. My favorite holiday. Boyfriend && I always go to a Chinese restaurant and get about 100$ worth of foods, share, while watching Christmas movies before we open gifts. That’s what we have done for years. This year we won’t be able to do that. I will be on solid food by then, technically, but a lot of what I normally order I won’t be able to. I guess I could always just get egg drop soup!

But I will say this much. Boyfriend has been willing to go all out for Christmas decorations this year. Surprisingly, for the last two or so years, I haven’t put up a Christmas tree or any lights outside. I just haven’t felt like it. This year I bought a few new outside decorations and I plan to put my tree up. Probably after we get home from the hospital. Boyfriend is worried about me being sad afterwards. I’m going to be very restricted foodwise for a while && he’s worried that I’m going to be unhappy. Which I honestly might be, but I won’t know until I get to that point. He has been willing to decorate anything I want.

First, though, we have to clean the living room – rearrange – find a spot for my tree. Like I said, I haven’t put one up in years – so the cats took over my living room. But that’s okay, we’ll figure it out. Plus, Boyfriend’s daughter is staying with us so her son will be around && I cannotn fathom the idea of a grandson not seeing a Christmas tree. Maybe that’ll be my motivation from now on?

It’s a little before 8 AM in Southern Oklahoma right now. My surgery is at 2 PM today – I have to be in Frisco by 12 PM. It’s approximately 2-hour drive to Frisco so we have to leave by 10. Before I go, I have to finish packing my overnight bag (it’s mostly just books so I can read) && shower with a special soap. But for now, I’m going to lay in bed && cuddle with my cats, Lucci && Gidget.

I am taking a notebook with me to the hospital, not my laptop, but I will write while there && upload it when I get home. I should be home Friday as long as nothing goes wrong. I will keep y’all up to date.

Journey Restarted: Part Five

I haven’t talked about the journey much lately. Mostly because for a bit I was irritated. Every, all at once, seemed to want to stop me.

I have yet to have the surgery. Yes, I’m aware I said June. But they needed a cardiologist to sign off. I was able to go to the new one in June – then had to wait for tests he wanted me to do. Now that they are all finished – they are willing to sign off. I called the weight loss people && explained that to them. Told them to fax the paperwork over to the cardiologist’s office && that they’d sign off.

That was a week ago.

Journey Restarted: Part Four

June 26th.

We finally have a date scheduled for the actual surgery. June 26th. I had hoped to have it at the end of April to the beginning of May, however, I haven’t got a cardiac clearance yet, so I have to wait a little longer. I’m in the process of changing my cardiologist and I couldn’t make an appointment until June 13th. This is why I have to wait until the end of June.

The main part I have to wait for is approval from the insurance company, which they do pay for bariatric surgery. I think the only thing I wish they’d tell me is how much. It’s like the amount of money through the whole thing has been a huge secret, that they can’t tell me until two or three days before the actual appointment. Then I have to hope I have enough money to even go to the appointment. For example, they scoped my stomach a couple weeks ago. The appointment was on a Friday, they told me Wednesday that I needed $1500 for the actual procedure and 200$ for the doctor.

Don’t get me wrong, they did tell me at the start of this how much the surgery would be with the insurance if I don’t hit my out of pocket. However, they didn’t tell me how much it would be if I do hit my out of pocket, which I did, && I doubt they’ll tell me anytime soon. I’m hoping I have enough saved.

But I am nervous and excited at the same time.

I’m nervous because I have seen a lot of people talk about how their blood sugar is now extremely low && can only do so much to keep it up. I am used to having high blood sugar levels, so the thought of it being low, && not knowing what to do, scares me. They also talk about stinking all the time. I’ve always been paranoid about smelling bad, so that makes me nervous. Although, more people say that they don’t stink compared to the ones who say they do. They have stated that they do smell slightly different, not bad, just different.

I’m excited though. I’m excited about the thought of eating like a normal person. I was talking to someone I work with the other day && they were talking about how they can take two or three bites (they didn’t have the surgery, they use the shots that work for a little while until you stop taking them then you put all the weight back on, no, not a fan of using those shots as weight loss) and is full. I sat there smiling thinking “I can’t wait for that”. Food wise, I’m excited about the pudding, yogurt and Jello. I am also a big fan of soup, so that’s something else I’m excited for. But most of all, I’m excited at the thought that maybe, just maybe, I will not be diabetic any longer.

Being diabetic is hard.

The only thing I have been wondering is what will it do with my heart. I know my heart is doing better now than it was when I was hospitalized, but is that because of the medication I take for it? If I were to stop talking it, would my heart go back to the way it was in 2021? Will this surgery help with that && maybe not be on the medication any longer? I know it won’t fix my kidney issues, but I’m hoping it’ll at least slow down the decrease in function. I know my high blood sugar is not helping my kidney’s work properly. && the fact that one of them is smaller than normal, && then take in the function has decreased. Will the surgery assist in slowing all that down?

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Journey Restarted: Part Three

I don’t know where I stand with the weight loss surgery today.

Yesterday I went down to Flower Mound for the EDG (I would put what it’s actually called, but I can’t spell it) – basically, they put a camera down my throat with a little light to check things out. It wasn’t a long test. I figured I would go down there, they do their thing, && then they like the results and I move forward.

But welcome to my life.

They found a polyp.

Which of course I googled that. You’d think after google has said I have died at least ten times I’d stop googling things. But I’m that person that needs to know what’s happening. Otherwise I panic. && when I panic I’m no longer me. So I google “stomach polyp”.

“Most polyps are benign, meaning they’re noncancerous. But because they are due to abnormal cell growth, they can eventually become malignant, or cancerous.“

Otherwise, everything was fine. Well, except the food I ate Thursday night around 6PM was still in my stomach && according to the hospital staff, it’s because of my Trulicity shot. So basically, if I am cleared for the surgery, I’ll probably have to go on a liquid diet a week or two before the surgery because there can’t be any food in my stomach at the time of the surgery.

I just don’t know at the moment what’s happening. My next appointment is the 18th. I’m hoping I don’t have to wait that long to figure things out.

Journey Restarted: Part 2

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

I don’t want to look at it like a challenge. But at the same time, I know there will be challenges included into it. My biggest challenge in the next six months will be the weight loss surgery. I know I will be great && do just fine, but there will be challenges.

Right now, I am just zooming through the objectives I have to accomplish before I can even have surgery. I went to the first of three dietician appointments this month. She basically said the same thing the last one did – although, I was a little surprised to see that it wasn’t the same dietician as it was last year. && good news! She didn’t yell at me. She wants me to walk daily, for thirty minutes, to get in the habit because I’ll need to do so after surgery. One of the first things that you lose is muscle mass, so I have to be on top of that. What else did we talk about?

Last week I had the appointment with the, pardon me for what I call it, crazy doctor. This was the same one I spoke to in 2022 when I started the first journey. She asked the same questions and was excited about the same things when I talked about them. Mostly, the fact that I love to cook – she said that is one step in the right direction. She does have a lot of faith in me though. She said she can see me doing really well at this journey && has no worries about approving me to do it.

Next month will be my second of third dietician visits, && then I have a few more things I have to do. But I’m just cruising right along so far.

Journey Restarted.

Today was my second-first consultation with the weight loss surgeon. I didn’t think he would remember me, but when he walked in he smiled && said “welcome back”. Then of course asked “so, what happened?” I told him the truth – money issues.

It was the same as the first time we spoke last year. I’m going to get the duodenal switch. Basically they will take half of my stomach out && hook my intestines up a little different. (If I can get my computer to load it, I’ll put a picture in that shows it).

I’m excited && petrified at the same time. It’s a weird feeling. (I hope the picture is clear for y’all, it’s a little blurry on my screen).

I have already set up all three of my dietician appointments (have to have three, once a month) for the insurance && doctors approval. The only thing different on the page of “what I must accomplish before surgery” was that he wants a list of diets && exercises I have done in the past. I figured I have a week to get that done – my first dietician appointment is next Tuesday (February 13th).

I’m excited because I may actually fix a couple of my health issues. I won’t say it all because I don’t know that it will. Everyone I talk to that has had the surgery is no longer diabetic && doesn’t have high blood pressure anymore. That’s two issues. The kidney issues will be helped by not having those anymore – but where my kidney’s stand right now is where they’ll be until they just get worse. The heart issues SHOULD – && I say should – get a little better. But I don’t know if I’ll be off my medication for that – or the kidneys.

I’m petrified of being put under. I am scared every time I’ve ever been put under. I was put under when they took out my gallbladder && I was put under for a colonoscopy. The colonoscopy – other than kind of waking up in the middle of the procedure – it was fine. When I had my gallbladder taken out && they woke me up, I nearly punched a nurse. I remember four nurses holding me down. I’m scared that I won’t wake up from it. I know it’s rare for that to happen, but the bigger you are, the more chance of it you have. Especially when you have issues sleeping, high blood pressure, etc.

Then of course, I think I’ve mentioned that I have unrealistic worries.
I worry that I will have a big head.
I worry that it won’t fix my health issues.
I worry that the surgery won’t work.
I worry that I will lose too much weight.
I worry Boyfriend is going to leave. Which, by the way, I didn’t have this worry until a guy I used to work with told me “you know Barb, he started dating you overweight, what’s going to happen if you lose the weight? He may leave.” Ugh! Stupid Mario!
I worry my personality will change.
I worry I will no longer be funny.
See? Dumb worries.

But! I’m excited at the idea that I can buy clothes in stores.
Have a lap my cats can sit in.
Maybe run a marathon?
Have a jawline for the first time in my life.

Remind me to write a blog telling you guys about how long I have been overweight && the fact that I have never been thin. Because that’s going to be a shock!

OH! I also worry that I am going to be uglier than I am now. Most people that have had the surgery – they are breathtaking. Then there is like a 23% of people that… I look at the before picture, when they are overweight, and then look at the skinny version of them && I think hmm… you were better looking fat. I don’t want that. I mean it’s fine if I am not drop dead gorgeous, I don’t know if I’d know what to do. But I don’t want to be uglier than I am right now. You know?

Waiting Games.

I’m not a fan of waiting games.

I’m one of those people that if I call a business, any business, I think they should answer the phone. && if they pay someone to just answer phones, that person should answer the phone. I don’t like leaving messages, because when I leave a message – no one calls me back.

I called the weight loss surgeon’s office today. It’s been three weeks && one day since I last called them to inquire about starting the journey over. I got an answering machine – at 2:30 PM. So I left my name, number, date of birth && a brief message, just like it asked me to.

Do I think I’m going to get a call back? No, I honestly don’t.

I had a doctor once that never answered the phone. Even though they paid someone to sit at the front desk && answer phones. The recording said “press one for texting”. If I physically call you – I don’t want to text you. Mostly because most people can’t read. As harsh as that is, people can’t read. && they see my text message and for some reason when I use full words, and complete English, they can’t read. Actually that’s not true.

I’m annoyed.

People can read. I just don’t like to wait.

If the surgeon people want to know why I stopped going last year all they have to do is ask. I’ll tell them the truth. Trust me, it takes too much to lie. But they aren’t even asking questions. They just haven’t called me back. The 8th, when I called them, “we will call you back”. Three weeks later.

I don’t know what else to do. I guess I will just wait some more. I just want to get this journey started over so I can get to the point of having the surgery. I’m tired of feeling like I do all the time && it’s because of my weight.

I need help.

Goals & What Nots.

What is the biggest goal you’re working towards?

I have been very honest the last few weeks about my biggest goal for myself right now. Weight loss surgery.

Once upon a time in the life of Barb, she thought it was a short cut. A round about way to lose weight. An easy way out. But through the years I have realized it’s not. It’s a tool. A very expensive tool that aids you in losing weight that is eventually going to kill you.

I have to look at it like that. I have to look at it through different perspective or I’m not going to do it. && no, the place hasn’t called me back. So I’m going to call them tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully this time I’ll be able to make a way in. Because I’m ready.

I do have worries – but when am I not worrying? Ask anyone – I worry all the time.

I worry I won’t make it through the surgery. I haven’t read anything about anyone ever dying during surgery. Afterwards – yes – but it’s mostly because they didn’t take care of themselves. Didn’t do what they needed to do to keep up their vitamin levels, etc.

I’m scared my heart won’t hold up. I know my cardiologist said that my heart is doing better – but at the same time, how much better? People pass when put under all the time. That I have read about.

I’m just tired of feeling like I do all the time && faking it around people so they don’t worry. Yesterday marked 3 years since I was hospitalized. Three years since I nearly died. I don’t want to face that again anytime soon. So I know that I NEED to do this. I HAVE TO DO THIS.