Tag: weight loss

The beginning…

I’ve been trying to figure out a reason to use this blog.  I mean – I have had it since February of 2012 and I have issues about getting rid of things without a good reason.  But I think I have decided how to use this so I can keep up with different stuff.  Will I keep it updated?  Hopefully.

Today is day number one.

For what, you may be asking.  Well, I have decided to give this “weight loss” another try.  Back in 2013 I pulled off 50 pounds – boy was I so happy.  It took me four months to realize that I am capable of pulling the weight off I just have to have determination and stop eating a full bucket of chicken just because I can.  (I honestly don’t remember eating a full bucket of chicken in one sitting, but it’s a great example of what not to do.)

I fell off of track around November of that year.  I began having issues with my right foot, a pain so horrible that I was crawling to the restroom or crying when I walked on it.  I finally sought a doctors help and was told that I have plantar fasciitis in that foot.  For anyone that doesn’t know what that is – it hurts like a mother*bad word*.  I’m not 100% sure but I’m pretty sure that it has something to do with my weight and the fact that I am flat footed.  I’m not a doctor – I don’t know for sure.  But for some doctors my weight is the reason for everything.  “Oh, you’re having nightmares?  Yeah, it’s because you’re fat.”  “OOOOOH, you’re clumsy and breaks cups all the time?  Yeah, it’s because you’re fat.”  You might giggle at that, but I have had it.

I know, common sense, that most of my issues is my weight, which is what I’m attempting to do.  So, as long as someone fit doesn’t make fun of me for exercising – again – I’ll stay on track and do what I have to do.

So, again, this is day one of probably three million, seven hundred, eighty-nine days to go.  (I might be exaggerating a bit.)

Today has started out well but then again I have been up since about six-forty and it’s only 8:46.  (In The Morning)  Yep.  I’m awake with the sun and chirping birds.  My television is off.  Not by choice – well, I am mad at it.  It won’t stay connected to the internet and I can’t watch The Chew like I wanted to.

I feel like I got a full nights rest.  I drooled, and woke up wet.  That’s usually a good meaning.  Wait!  Stop that you dirty minded person!  Wet.. as in I drooled all over my t-shirt.  Ya nasty!  Would I still be asleep if the boyfriend hadn’t turned on all the lights in the house and blinded my darkness?  Maybe.  But I’m not so enjoy this.

Laid there for a little bit until he fell asleep.  THen I realized I was hungry.  Here is where the problem always happens.  Food.  Food is my problem.  Always has been.  I am pretty sure that it’s not because I want to eat it.  There are days (Like Saturday at work) where I don’t eat or want to each much.  So what’s my issue?  The taste.  I feel sorry for anyone out there who hasn’t eaten something and in the middle of that bite just stopped, took a deep breath with your eyes closed and just thought, “damn!  this is good.”  It’s a great feeling!  I decided though that just because I’m attempting to lose weight doesn’t mean that I will lose that feeling.  I just have to stop.  I can’t let that feeling go on for an hour – or I could if I eat slow… which I do.  Sometimes my speed of eating worries me.

Back on track.  So realizing I was hungry I decide to make myself breakfast.  Breakfast.  Breakfast.  Breakfast.  I’m saying it a lot trying to get my head to wrap around the fact you’re supposed to eat it daily and some say it’s the best meal of the day.  ((I like dinner.))  I have never been much of an egg eater and lately they don’t settle completely in my stomach.  They end up giving me, what I like to call “sulfur belches”.  The best way to describe them is farting out of your mouth.  Yes!  It’s really that disgusting.  I hate having them so I just tend to stay away from eggs as much as possible.

I have realized, though, that you don’t have to eat eggs for breakfast.  There’s other foods that are just as tasty.  All else fails – I’ll just make me a smoothie with tons of fruits.  But today I chose scrambled eggs (because I cannot make an omelet) with pork, spinach, onions, mushrooms & cheese with a side of hash brown. (483 calories)  I wonder, though, what is the appropriate amount of calories for breakfast?

I ate it.  I still feel hungry.  I’m not & I know this.  But I feel like it.  Snacks are going to be my friend.  Good snacks.  Like freshly popped popcorn or an apple.  Orange.  Banananana.

I think my downfall is and always will be exercising.  It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal especially when my goal is to exercise four days a week.  Why?  I work on Saturday, Sunday & Monday with not very much time in between.  I get home around six fifteen in the morning, go to sleep, wake up around three in the afternoon just to be at work by five thirty to do it all over again.  Three twelve hour days are fantastic until you realize that if you had a different shift you would have time to relax in between them.  Like third, the shift the boyfriend works – he goes to work around eight thirty at night and get’s home around six fifteen in the morning.  He has time in between shifts to do whatever.  Would I switch to third?  No.  Not at all.

I found time the first time around to exercise before work.  Wake up at two and exercise and still give myself enough time to get to work on time.  I live closer to work now but the big question, will I exercise before work?  If I do then I could actually exercise up to seven days a week.  That seems like a lot of exercising.

One issue I always seem to have when trying to lose weight is that I don’t want to be one of those people who cannot live without exercising.  I understand the benefits of it but do I want to do nothing but worry about exercising.  Miss one day and then get so mad at myself that the next day I nearly kill myself trying to make up for it?  (Yeah, I don’t think I’d get to that point either, but what if?)  I want it for the benefits of losing weight, getting off medication, and living past 40.

So… day one is starting off well.  Hopefully I get to a day 30 and everything is still going swimmingly.  Only time will tell, I guess.

Wish me luck!
Website.

 

Tissues for my Issues.

The first time around when I was attempting to lose weight seemed easier.  I’m not sure if it’s because I was more focused or if maybe I wanted it more the first time around.  I feel as if I should want it more this time – wanting to get off of medication & get my numbers under control sounds like a fantastic reason to pull off weight.  Especially since I wasn’t on any then but am now.

I don’t remember being this tired the first time.  Two years ago I had decided, even on the weekend when I work, that I would wake up, exercise and eat better.  I did well on it.  (Weekends waking up at 2 pm – since I work from 6pm to 6am.)  I don’t feel as if I had this much trouble those many years ago.  I mean, yes, don’t get me wrong – I do remember having days/nights where I honestly didn’t want to do anything & just wanted to eat fried chicken and cheese sticks.  I didn’t.  I stuck to my plan.  I pushed myself to exercise even on days I didn’t want to.  THANKSGIVING of that year I had dinner and then exercised for an hour.

I was so proud of myself.

This time around I’m having many issues.  Eating issues.  (I don’t eat as bad as I used to but I still have my issues.)  Exercising issues.   I decided that I would get a gym membership (which I did) and I would go with my friend twice a week – the other days going for walks at a walking path we have in town.  I think since I began this (starting seriously beginning in April) I have exercised well for a week & then just having a good day here and there.

Food wise…  Ugh!  That I don’t even want to talk about.  The first time I shopped mostly at Aldi’s since they have so many low calorie products.  For breakfast I would range from cereal with fruit and toast, to breakfast tacos (corn tortillas, eggs, sausage & cheese).  Then for snacks it was usually things like tiny bags of cookies, or Cheese Its.  For lunch, when at work I’d make a sandwich with chips but at home I’d make a bowl of soup, or a chicken salad.  Then a snack.  Then for dinner I would make chicken or tuna with pasta, a little sauce, and a vegetable.  I never took anything from myself meaning, if I wanted it I ate it.  I wouldn’t tell myself no – which worked – well.  From September to December I had pulled off 50 pounds.  (Couldn’t tell, but I did.)

I figured I would do the same thing this time around.  I still remember what I ate, how to eat it, the amounts, and I still have everything I had then (equipment wise).  So why am I having such a hard time with it?  I cannot blame it on the fact that this time I live with people.  They have all said they wouldn’t mind if we changed it up a little.  I know every single person in my household would welcome lighter foods and smaller amounts.  I decided to attempt to pull weight off and get off the medication and it seems as if we eat out more than we did before.  It’s as if I just stopped cooking.  (Which is one of my favorite things to do.)

The boyfriend bought me a slow cooker for this!  How many people do that for each other?  He bought me something so I could take my lunch to work, them have something healthier to eat when I’m at work, so I would no longer have to  buy bad for me foods.  I think since he bought it I did it for one weekend.  (Mostly because everything I have cooked in it comes out watery – even after cooking for nearly nine hours.)

I know I’m sabotaging myself.

I can do this because I have done it before.  I gave serious thought to having the weight-loss surgery but I can’t bring myself to do it.  I don’t feel like I’m there yet.  I know… I KNOW I can do this.  It’s all up to me and I keep getting in my own way.  No one else.  But how can you fix a problem when you’re not 100% sure what’s stopping you?

I thought I had the motivation I needed to go all the way this round but it seems like the more I try the more I fail.  I think half of my hump is that I am so tired.  Tired.  Extra tired.  I know for a fact that half of it is my medication & if I can get off of it I won’t be as tired.  To get off of them I have to lose weight.  I have to wake up and exercise to lose weight.

It’s a circle and I keep walking around in a triangle.

I tell myself every now and again that it’s okay if I miss a day – I’ll make it up tomorrow.  The problem is that tomorrow never comes and I end up not doing anything.  It’s getting to the point that I don’t wake up for days.  I don’t remember sleeping like this since I stepped to the bright side of depression (topic for another day).  I remember then sleeping for days only waking up to use the restroom, eat, and at times go to work.  But once I walked up the hill at that point in my life I began sleeping more like a “normal” human.  I’m back to only waking up for bathroom breaks and to make dinner for everyone.  But then of course, the nights I need to sleep I can’t.  Like right now, for an example, it’s two after six in the morning and I have to be up at two in the afternoon to get ready to be at work by five-thirty to do day one of my three twelve hour day work week.  But like most Friday nights/Saturday mornings, I am not tired – so here I sit.

I have plans for myself “tomorrow”.  Wake up at two in the afternoon and go for a walk.  Come home and make something to take to work.  (No one saw it because I’m on a computer, but I just rolled my eyes.)  We’ll see what happens after I finally go to sleep and wake up.