I lost my grandmother when I was in the 7th grade. So, the little things she done I found a little weird. For example, as long as I can remember she called me “Robert”. I don’t know why. By the time I started to get curious, she had already passed away. I never got to ask.
But as I get older I realize a lot of what I thought was weird, prolly isn’t as weird as I thought.
During the summer, she took cold showers. I found that that strange – even in the summer. Why would someone do that? Lately, I have been taking showers and not turning on the hot. Mind you, I live in Southern Oklahoma, so our “cold water” isn’t cold. It’s… luke-cold. You know when you turn your water hose on for the first time in the summer. The first bit of water that comes out – that’s what the water feels like.
My grandmother would run around her house with a pair of shorts && a bra – that’s it. I laugh about it now but as a kid – that’s weird. But I understand it now. My grandmother lived in a two bedroom trailer house from 1991 until her death in 2001. Her trailer had no AC except for window units. I understand the pain and exhaustion that comes from sitting in your house burning up because you don’t have an AC. I have one – in my bedroom (which is where I am lying while I type this on my phone) – so it is the only cool room. We tried to purchase window units for our living area in hopes that it would cool off in there – but there is too much open space, so it never actually helped. I would need an industrial sized AC && I just cannot afford that.
I’m tired of the summer now. I know there are a few who are enjoying the heat && they want it forever. But today, when I got off work, it was 102°F (38.8°C). It was 3:30 PM when I got home. I tried sleeping last night && it was hard since it was 90°F && even with my AC in my small bedroom – it was hot.
I’m ready for cold weather. Or at least the cooler weather we get during fall && winter. Usually late October it starts getting into degrees that I enjoy. Boyfriend keeps saying September should be better. But lately it’s hot then too.
You want to know what time it gets cool in my room? Between 2:00 am && 4:00 am. Want to know what time I was up for work? 3:00 am.
What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?
This is silly. But I would like to work in a Chinese restaurant for just one day.
My reasoning? I really, really, really want to know how Chinese restaurants make their egg drop soup.
I have found a few recipes I like. One more than the others. But it still doesn’t taste or feel like theirs. Theirs is creamy, thick && oh so delicious. Mine comes out good, but doesn’t have that creamy factor that the restaurants have.
Or… a bakery.
I try to do a side hustle of making desserts – who doesn’t love or buy desserts. (Besides me). But I can’t make icing and would love to work in a bakery just to learn how to make it properly.
We finally have a date scheduled for the actual surgery. June 26th. I had hoped to have it at the end of April to the beginning of May, however, I haven’t got a cardiac clearance yet, so I have to wait a little longer. I’m in the process of changing my cardiologist and I couldn’t make an appointment until June 13th. This is why I have to wait until the end of June.
The main part I have to wait for is approval from the insurance company, which they do pay for bariatric surgery. I think the only thing I wish they’d tell me is how much. It’s like the amount of money through the whole thing has been a huge secret, that they can’t tell me until two or three days before the actual appointment. Then I have to hope I have enough money to even go to the appointment. For example, they scoped my stomach a couple weeks ago. The appointment was on a Friday, they told me Wednesday that I needed $1500 for the actual procedure and 200$ for the doctor.
Don’t get me wrong, they did tell me at the start of this how much the surgery would be with the insurance if I don’t hit my out of pocket. However, they didn’t tell me how much it would be if I do hit my out of pocket, which I did, && I doubt they’ll tell me anytime soon. I’m hoping I have enough saved.
But I am nervous and excited at the same time.
I’m nervous because I have seen a lot of people talk about how their blood sugar is now extremely low && can only do so much to keep it up. I am used to having high blood sugar levels, so the thought of it being low, && not knowing what to do, scares me. They also talk about stinking all the time. I’ve always been paranoid about smelling bad, so that makes me nervous. Although, more people say that they don’t stink compared to the ones who say they do. They have stated that they do smell slightly different, not bad, just different.
I’m excited though. I’m excited about the thought of eating like a normal person. I was talking to someone I work with the other day && they were talking about how they can take two or three bites (they didn’t have the surgery, they use the shots that work for a little while until you stop taking them then you put all the weight back on, no, not a fan of using those shots as weight loss) and is full. I sat there smiling thinking “I can’t wait for that”. Food wise, I’m excited about the pudding, yogurt and Jello. I am also a big fan of soup, so that’s something else I’m excited for. But most of all, I’m excited at the thought that maybe, just maybe, I will not be diabetic any longer.
Being diabetic is hard.
The only thing I have been wondering is what will it do with my heart. I know my heart is doing better now than it was when I was hospitalized, but is that because of the medication I take for it? If I were to stop talking it, would my heart go back to the way it was in 2021? Will this surgery help with that && maybe not be on the medication any longer? I know it won’t fix my kidney issues, but I’m hoping it’ll at least slow down the decrease in function. I know my high blood sugar is not helping my kidney’s work properly. && the fact that one of them is smaller than normal, && then take in the function has decreased. Will the surgery assist in slowing all that down?
Some might find this hard to pick just one book. But it’s really not. && I know I have talked about the book series a lot but it’s still that one book that I could and have read over && over agagin.
“Gabriel’s Inferno” by Sylvain Reynard.
I don’t know what it is about that book or even the series, but it’ll always have a place in my heart. I could read million more books but that book – that series – will always be the books I buy people if they haven’t read it and are readers.
I didn’t write yesterday. I have no excuse. I just didn’t want to. Instead, I just went to bed. Today is a new day. We’ll start again.
I don’t think I have a favorite thing to cook. Boyfriend would probably say pasta. But when it comes to cooking, I just enjoy every part of it. Everything I cook I enjoy cooking.
I have mentioned before how much I love cooking. Anything and everything. I love finding new recipes and trying something that I have never tried before.
************I started this a couple of days ago && I was looking at drafts I had so I figured I would clear them out.****************
Lately, I would probably say my favorite thing to cook is any form of soup. That’s because lately, all I crave is soup. Chicken soup. Egg drop soup. Wonton soup. I just cannot seem to get enough soup. I had soup last night for dinner && then I had some for breakfast today. I have been going to the local Chinese restaurant a lot lately just to get some egg-drop soup. Yes, I can make it, but as I’ve said in the past, it just doesn’t taste as good as theirs. Sometimes I think I just need to go work part-time at a Chinese restaurant so I can learn to make it properly. I don’t think I use enough cornstarch.
Normally I want to try && make anything I can possibly make. But the funds haven’t been there to do that. So, I end up just making what I can afford. I have been enjoying a buffalo chicken and cheesy cauliflower. I take chicken thighs and pan fry them with some buffalo seasoning, pepper, garlic && onion powder in butter. I take cauliflower and cut it up into bite sized pieces and bake it until it’s fork tender with some of the buffalo seasoning, pepper, onion && garlic powder with extra virgin olive oil. The last step is a creamy cheese I found at Wal-Mart, I usually use two boxes of it (we really like cheese), I pour some buffalo sauce into the cheese and warm it up. I don’t measure when I cook, so I just pour the buffalo sauce into the cheese until my ancestors tell me no more. Once everything is finished – I put the cauliflower onto the plate, put some cheese, top it with the chicken, and add a tad bit more cheese. It’s so delicious. && if you’re low carb, there you go.
I cook a lot of chicken and pork – they are both extremely cheap. So, I can afford that. My next chicken dish I’m going to figure out is the chicken on a stick you get at Chinese restaurants.
Oh! I can’t forget the kimchi and tofu stew that I LOVE to make. It has an actual name… let me google it… “Kimchi jjigae”. Now, before someone comes at me saying “you’re white, you can’t cook that stuff”. Yes, I am white. Yes, I know I am not Korean, and it’ll never taste the same. But when I make things like this I never… NEVER say it’s authentic. Nothing I make is technically “authentic”. You’re probably wondering why. America is a boiling pot of different people. Different foods. America shares food – you can go north and taste something, south and taste something different. Other than a hot dog and hamburger (which might not even have started here), what is “American”. && I personally find Korean dishes interesting. Most, I’ve noticed, seem to be into Japanese food more, but me… bring me the Korean dishes. Then of course the Americanized Chinese food. Or is it called Westernized Chinese food? I just know what we have here in America that we call “Chinese food” isn’t what the people of China eat.
So, see! I am a huge fan of trying different foods and making different styles of food. My big thing though, I want to find actual restaurants that serves these foods, so I know what they are supposed to taste like. Let’s use the kimchi jjigae for an example. I know the recipe calls for tuna – I have gout, and I’m scared to eat tuna – so I use pork ribs. That’s not how it’s made. But it’s how I make it. Plus, I don’t have a Korean market close by me – sadly – so I buy kimchi at Wal-Mart in the vegetable section. That will make it taste different too. I know where a Korean market is – there is an H-Mart in Carrollton, Texas – however, that’s nearly two hours away from me. Then there is one north of me in Norman, Oklahoma, but that is also two hours away from me. I’m just in a horrible spot to live in for my creative taste buds.
But boyfriend really loves it when I make chicken fried steaks. Which is an Oklahoma favorite – which I actually love making those too. But with diabetes it’s hard to really enjoy them because in the back of my mind all I’m thinking about it how high is my blood sugar going to get tonight. Having the issues I have, it’s hard to do much when it comes to food. Rice. Pasta. Breaded foods. Some of my favorite things && I just can’t do it. && yes, I do know after the weight loss surgery they’ll still be off limits. But to be honest, I don’t think they’ll be quite as off limits as they are right now. But still off limits.
So, I’ve been trying to do a lot more cauliflower-based dishes. I enjoy me some cauliflower. I have another favorite that I may share with you on another day for another post.
First – the kitchen has to be HUGE! Like… lots of room. Lots of counter space. I want a walk-in pantry that has shelves throughout it, plus, on the walls, I want can holders built in. I want an island in the middle of the kitchen that has a sink built in the top, the side of the island to have a built-in fridge, small just for drinks – I want plugs to be on the opposite side of the island. I want a water faucet, those long thing ones, above the stove that shoots out hot water. I want electrical plugs and lights up underneath the cabinets. OOH… I want so many cabinets.
Living room needs to have a whole spot for the television, gaming systems, and sound system. Plus, I’d love a working fireplace – and a small stage off to the side in front of a set of windows with small railings around it. That’s for my Christmas tree. I don’t know what I’ll use it for after that, but I definitely want it for my tree.
Along the ceiling connecting each room I want a catwalk. Yeah, I said a catwalk. Not for models. But for cats. I want them to be able to walk from room to room without actually touching the floor. They’ll be spots along the way that has tiny beds where they can sleep. Then of course, I’ll want a room just for the cats that will house their belongings && a built-in cat bed window. You’ve seen them… the ones they build for inside cats to get sun – so it pokes out and it hangs. One of those.
My bedroom. I want it cozy. Maybe a smaller fireplace, but it’s not a necessity. A large, walk-in closet that has places to put shoes, and your clothes, and of course space for putting things up. A built-in master bathroom that has a huge tub for soaking. Two sinks with lots – && I MEAN LOTS – of storage space. (My bathroom right now has no spot for towels. It’s crazy.) I want a whole row of drawers along one wall, a small closet inside the restroom for towels, and then a tall thin closet for toilet paper. I want a huge shower, one that you have a spot to sit down in if you wanted to. I want the water to come from the ceiling rather than in front of me.
An extra bedroom for people that need a place to sleep. It’ll be an average looking bedroom. Small closet with a built-in dresser inside the closet.
I will need an exercise / computer room. Kind of like I do now, except it will have bookshelves built in. It will kind of be like a small library except with exercise equipment and a computer.
Boyfriend talks about having a room for his game systems, but I’d rather just built that into the living room – that way I know I will be able to see him. I usually just read, or play on my phone, when he is playing his games. If he has his own room for it, I don’t think I’ll ever see him. && I don’t like that idea – at all.
Laundry room – I want a large space. With shelves, a small sink and places to hang things if I need to. I want it off the back of the house, where the backdoor is connected to it. Outside the backdoor would be the garage – then the laundry room is connected to the kitchen, with a door, so when you buy groceries, you can just bring them through the laundry room.
I want a staircase. Just one. One that circles and the only thing upstairs will be my bedroom / bathroom. I’ve always had dreams of being able to decorate a banister for Christmas. ((Yes, a lot of my dream house relies heavily on Christmas ideas. But if you knew me, that wouldn’t surprise you.))
Outside I would want a fire pit, a storage building, and a cellar (I do live in Oklahoma). Beautiful green grass and my two cats that are buried in the yard to have a beautiful spot. I want to decorate them for them, so they know I still think about them on the daily. Especially Babykins – I miss her so much.
I’m sure there would be more to my dream house, but this is what I can think of at this moment.
My mom was 36 in 1998 – a mother of two and married to my father. Four years before she passed away. My brother was 12 && I was 11. She worked at… I want to say a restaurant called “Baldwins” – she was a cook.
My dad was 36 in 1983 – a father of four (three boys && one girl) and married to his second wife – who he was in the process of divorcing. He was a drunk – this was a year before he met my mother – three years before they’d be married. If memories are correct, he’d go to jail at night && sleep there, during the day they’d let him out to go to work. He worked at a… junk yard? named Dulaney’s in Amarillo, Texas.
I never really notice an age difference until I start doing things like this. My mom was 36 in 1998 when my dad was 51 – my dad was 36 in 1983 when my mom was 21. In 1983, my dad had four children, ages 16, 14, 7, & 4. They both lived in Amarillo, Texas though.
They eventually met in 1984. Got married in 1986 on their lunch break at work and went bowling that night.
They are both gone now. Mom died in 2003 at 40. Dad died in 2011 at 63.
I think I have realized that I may like books a lot of people don’t like.
I finished the Colleen Hoover book, “It Ends with Us”, yesterday. When I was scrolling through the comments about it on Goodreads, I realized a lot of people didn’t like the book. They called the book && author toxic because she didn’t add a “trigger warning” to the book. Apparently, according to the comments left, she didn’t want to add a trigger warning to it but what I’ve read from what she has said about the book, she hasn’t tried to play it off as anything other than what it is. That’s half the reason I read it.
I really enjoyed “It Ends with Us” – but I liked the backstory of Lily & Atlas more than Lily & Ryle. I mean, other than the obvious reason, I liked the journal entries that had to do with Atlas, their story was greater in my opinion than that of Ryle.
So, when I heard that “It Starts with Us” about Lily & Atlas, of course I want to read it. I went and added it to my “reading” section of Goodreads, and out of curiosity I was scrolling through the comments of the book. Reviews, if you will. Most of them say the same thing “why does this book exist?” – which seems harsh to me. Apparently, it exists because people wanted her to write it. Why ask her to write something then bash the book? I don’t know… a lot of the other comments were about how they don’t like Colleen Hoover and cannot understand why they or anyone else reads anything written by Colleen Hoover. Honestly, people seem to enjoy her books. Do I like Tessa Bailey more than Colleen Hoover? Yes, I do. But that’s just the slutty part of my brain.
Colleen Hoover does the “use your imagination on the fun parts”. Tessa Bailey goes into more detail. But other than that, their writing is similar.
Either way. I’m going to read “It Starts with Us” && see what I think about it. If I read it like I did the first one, I’ll be done tomorrow && I’ll let you know if this book should exist or not. I’m hoping for the best.
I’m struggling tonight on what to write about. Been sitting in bed thinking – I just cannot seem to think of anything.
I finally finished reading “The New House” by Tessa Stimson. It basically finished the way I figured it would, but I was hoping it wouldn’t. I wanted more for that character. It was a tough read. I got to 35% read before it began getting good. Once I hit the ‘good spot’ I was able to read through the rest. So if you read it, don’t give up. (I had to read six novellas to actually finish it).
Today I started reading “It Ends With Us” by Colleen Hoover. I’m half way through it right now. I should finish it tomorrow if not Saturday then I will start the second one.
I guess since my brain is bad I tonight I’m just going to curl up in bed while I Love Lucy plays in the background to get some sleep. I have work tomorrow.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I just need a break from life. Not death. I don’t want to die. 💀 Just a break. A vacation from life, if you will.
Most like to say a break from work. Work is fine. It’s life. Or they’ll say family. I like my family. But sometimes a small break from life would be grand.
Not a forever break, of course. Just a few hours. Like sleep in the other room break. Go stay at my brother’s house sort of break. Go to the grocery store alone break. Read a long book in a room alone break. Play a video game without kids screaming your name break. (I have no kids, but you get it). Take a long rod trip with no destination break. Go to the movie theater and sit in the back break. Eat a whole box of popcorn break.
♥The Barbosphere♥ 
