Tag: writing community

Waiting Games.

I’m not a fan of waiting games.

I’m one of those people that if I call a business, any business, I think they should answer the phone. && if they pay someone to just answer phones, that person should answer the phone. I don’t like leaving messages, because when I leave a message – no one calls me back.

I called the weight loss surgeon’s office today. It’s been three weeks && one day since I last called them to inquire about starting the journey over. I got an answering machine – at 2:30 PM. So I left my name, number, date of birth && a brief message, just like it asked me to.

Do I think I’m going to get a call back? No, I honestly don’t.

I had a doctor once that never answered the phone. Even though they paid someone to sit at the front desk && answer phones. The recording said “press one for texting”. If I physically call you – I don’t want to text you. Mostly because most people can’t read. As harsh as that is, people can’t read. && they see my text message and for some reason when I use full words, and complete English, they can’t read. Actually that’s not true. 

I’m annoyed.

People can read. I just don’t like to wait. 

If the surgeon people want to know why I stopped going last year all they have to do is ask. I’ll tell them the truth. Trust me, it takes too much to lie. But they aren’t even asking questions. They just haven’t called me back. The 8th, when I called them, “we will call you back”. Three weeks later. 

I don’t know what else to do. I guess I will just wait some more. I just want to get this journey started over so I can get to the point of having the surgery. I’m tired of feeling like I do all the time && it’s because of my weight. 

I need help.

Goals & What Nots.

What is the biggest goal you’re working towards?

I have been very honest the last few weeks about my biggest goal for myself right now. Weight loss surgery.

Once upon a time in the life of Barb, she thought it was a short cut. A round about way to lose weight. An easy way out. But through the years I have realized it’s not. It’s a tool. A very expensive tool that aids you in losing weight that is eventually going to kill you.

I have to look at it like that. I have to look at it through different perspective or I’m not going to do it. && no, the place hasn’t called me back. So I’m going to call them tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully this time I’ll be able to make a way in. Because I’m ready.

I do have worries – but when am I not worrying? Ask anyone – I worry all the time.

I worry I won’t make it through the surgery. I haven’t read anything about anyone ever dying during surgery. Afterwards – yes – but it’s mostly because they didn’t take care of themselves. Didn’t do what they needed to do to keep up their vitamin levels, etc. 

I’m scared my heart won’t hold up. I know my cardiologist said that my heart is doing better – but at the same time, how much better? People pass when put under all the time. That I have read about.

I’m just tired of feeling like I do all the time && faking it around people so they don’t worry. Yesterday marked 3 years since I was hospitalized. Three years since I nearly died. I don’t want to face that again anytime soon. So I know that I NEED to do this. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

The Right Direction.

I feel like I’m going in the right direction when it comes to getting back in the groove of writing.

I read a lot of authors takes on what makes them a good author and how they complete their books. The one thing that they all say “you have to write” (&& read). I know this isn’t quite what they had in mind when it comes to writing – they meant more of the whole, open word && start writing the story.

I have so many ideas in my head that I can’t make heads nor tails of most of it. There is one story I want to write – badly – but at the same time I’m not sure where to start. The other day I was reading about popular romance writers && how they start a book. One I read about said that she starts with a scene. The big scene. The IT scene. The scene the book travels to && makes a difference. Then she’ll build from that. Going backwards && to the end.

I have thought about starting at the end. Where does my story end? Why does it end like that? But when I sit down to start writing all my ideas just disappear && I’m left with nothing – which in turn makes me feel useless. I know it shouldn’t. But it does. Every. Single. Time.

But tonight I didn’t want to write a blog post. I just wanted to go to bed && forget about it. Instead, I forced myself up and into the other room to write. ((&& both rooms I have irritated the same cat. First I made him move out of my spot in bed. So he came into the computer room. Then I came in here && made him move out of my chair. He’s not happy with me.)) Like I said, I know this isn’t what any of them had in mind when they say to write – daily – but it’s a start, right?

I just need to work myself out of this slump so I can write the stories that hide in the darkness of my brain.

Headaches.

What gives you a headache just thinking about it?

Right now, everything is giving me a headache. But then again, I haven’t really felt well today, so that’s probably half of it.

The wedding is giving me a headache. Not in a bad way. I just accepted a long time ago that I wouldn’t need to really think about a wedding because who would want to marry me? As a kid that was a hard thing to accept but when you hit about 25, && no one really shows an interest, and a lot of your family basically has accepted they have to take care of you for the rest of time because you’ll be alone – you learn to accept it.

But here it is. 36 years OLD, && I’m looking at getting married. && I’m not one of those girls that has thought about it all their life. You know, once you accept you’ll never get married you stop thinking about it. I feel like I’m running blind. I know I have people in my life that would be willing to assist me in planning it, but at the same time, I’m… some would say I’m weird. Some of the things I want I’m not sure they’d understand until they actually see it happen. Then it will makes sense. But getting to that point.

I have made a few decisions but the hardest one will always be where && how much I’m willing to spend. That && if I even want a full blown wedding. I’ve mentioned it before – maybe elope && then have a party.

I would say I still have so much time to figure it out, but I don’t. If I’m having an actual wedding, && will have to pay for a space to have it at, I need to figure it out very soon – I’ll need to save the money for it.

Picture Post.

Lately all I have been wanting is egg drop soup. I needed to find a recipe that I could do and it taste enough like restaurants that I don’t need to go all the time.

I found one. 😁😁

Now I just need to learn to make the chicken in a stick.

Cat Babies.

Bloganuary writing prompt
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
View all responses

If I had to pick one thing, && only one thing – I would want them to understand how much I love them.

We have accumulated a lot of cats through the years – not on purpose – some are strays, some are babies of a stray that we thought was a boy who turned out to be a girl cat && now we call her Mommy Bean. Some of them irritate the snot out of me – because you know, they are cats. But at the same time, I love them so much.

I think I’ve mentioned how before I would actually chuckle at people who told me their pets were like children to them. Because who could feel like that? && up until Dotty was born, &&& I fell in love with her, I didn’t think it was possible. But I did. I fell for that Siamese cat like it was something I do all the time.

I’ve had pets before Dotty. I had a cat when I was 15, Kitty Kittie (it’s all she’d answer to), but when I lost her it didn’t hit me like it did Dotty’s death. It’s been almost a year and I still miss her so much. Still cry. Still miss her trying to smother my head. 

When I lost her I didn’t want the other cats anymore. Because it hurt my heart to look at them. Horrible, yes, I know. But Lucci, Dotty’s Uncle – he knew I was hurting and sad because he was trying to do what Dotty used to do. Lucci, I love that cat && I hope he knows just how much I love him. I hope Dotty knew how much I loved her. Because I did. I loved her way too much. 

My brother && I have always said that we were going to get a really big piece of land && put houses on it together. I told him I was still down for it. But I can’t now. I buried her in this yard && I refuse to leave her again. I guess if I win the lottery I’ll just have to buy out this road.

To Be Read…

What book are you currently reading?

“The New House” by Tess Stimson.

I think I’m about 24% done with it. I’m having trouble getting in to it. I’m hoping that I can find the sweet spot in the book where I can’t put it down. But I’m up to a week of trying to read it.

Stacey and Felix are the glamorous owners of the stylish, modern Glass House, with its pool and floor-to-ceiling windows. Now they’re downsizing, but Stacey can’t sell to just anyone. She needs the right buyer, who will keep her secrets.

Millie and Tom have always imagined living in the Glass House. Now it’s for sale. With property prices booming, if they can sell quickly, it could be theirs. But are the house and its charming owners all they seem?

Harper and Kyle are moving up in the world. They need a new house, in the right school district, to give their children the start in life they never had. Millie and Tom’s is perfect. It’ll take every penny they have, and more, but it’ll be worth it. Won’t it?

When one of the sales falls through, how far will someone go to get everything they’ve always wanted?

See? It sounds intriguing so hopefully I just haven’t gotten to the good parts yet. I will keep you updated.

Do you splurge?

My favorite splurge or indulgence is…

For anyone who knows me it’s not really that hard to figure it out. 

I don’t really “splurge” (unless you count books that I tend to buy all the time – && I just realized that I bought the same book twice, boo on me), but I do indulge – in Chinese food. 🤪 I think it’s mostly a comfort thing. When I was younger, before my mom passed away, that’s where her, my brother && I would go when we snuck away. 

The problem with some of the questions people give you, whether it is through WordPress, or this book – once you answer the question you don’t really have much else to say. You write the question down, answer it with a sentence or two, && you’re done. But is that really a noteworthy blog?

Maybe a line or two is fine for one && I just need to get over not being able to answer a question with five or more paragraphs. Although, some questions I do have a bit to say for it, but not this one.