I want to write.
Writing is all I think about. I think about writing more than I think about food && when you’re a foodaholic, that’s a lot. But when I sit down to write nothing seems to come out. Nothing seems to make sense && nothing seems to work our properly.
I cannot seem to concentrate when it comes to writing, or editing. My mind start wandering && I begin thinking about something else. Lately, I’ve been thinking about playing Fallout 4 – again. (Side note: I’ve already beat it once, but I have been working on beating it again where I side with a different side of the game. Last time I sided with the Institute && had to murder the Brotherhood. Now, I want to side with the Brotherhood.) Or I start thinking that maybe I just need to read more. Maybe that’s what is clogging up my brain, but at the same time, I can’t concentrate to read either.
I recently bought every book written by Harry Dolan (I really enjoyed his first book). I have them all sitting beside my bed just waiting. I began reading his second book but I cannot seem to concentrate long enough to read through it. When I start reading I begin thinking, maybe I should be writing && not reading. Then I pull out my book && start editing just in time for my brain to start thinking about Fallout 4.
It’s just a big old circle I would love to get out of.
Oh! Let’s not forget. When I’m sitting around doing nothing, writing, reading, or playing video games, my brain is screaming at me that I probably should be exercising. Speaking of, I told Boyfriend on Monday that I wanted to go for a walk. My right foot has been hurting ever since. But what makes it weird, I never went for my walk because just talking about it my foot started hurting && now I can barely walk on it without it hurting. Can someone tell my body to stop so I don’t die at 45?
So here I sit in front of the computer typing words into a white square so I can say I at least write something. I woke up the other day after having a very vivid dream. I went straight to the computer, sat down && pulled up a blog to write. I had decided that I would write something new, once a week, that would be a story that could be read like a television series. Something new every week. It’s still saved in my drafts. I never wrote it – which is the story of my life.
I have some great ideas when it comes to writing && then I just…. can’t. Maybe it’s I don’t. I have figured out that I sabotage myself. Maybe I do that with writing too? All I know for sure, 100% – if I don’t finish something I will never be published. Whether it’s self-published or published through a company, it’ll never happen if I don’t do something now. I feel like I’m running out of time.
Although, that’s not true. Some of the writers I read don’t get published until they are in their 40’s or older. There’s never a stopping point. You’re never too old to do something different. I read a story once about a romance writer (mommy porn) that didn’t write her first book until she was in her 80’s. But then I hear stories about writers who write && publish their first book at 14. I think it just depends on the person && how much time they dedicate to writing.
November will be 9 years of writing/editing this book. I have been writing this book way too long.
I didn’t start one back when I was 19. Then my computer crashed && I lost everything. EVERY. THING. I swore then I’d never write another. But in 2012 (25 years old) I was overcome with the inspiration && just started writing. Like I can remember the whole time line. 2015, January, I finished the rough draft. I can remember because I was at work && I wanted to scream. But I calmly told my supervisor && co-workers which they told me to scream. So I squealed. Three years of writing, finally done. Now, I had to edit. It’s not 2021 && I am still editing that stupid book.
I know I talk about this a lot. As much as I talk about it you’d like I would just finish it. How hard is that for me to understand && grasp?
JUST. FINISH. THE. BOOK.
♥The Barbosphere♥ 